Sunday, March 25, 2007


Seeing the bluebonnets for the first time in the season is one of my favorite moments of spring. Sunday morning I got to see them for the first time on my way to church! I was so excited and told my husband "When He had them bloom this week, God knew it would make me smile today." We didn't drive that direction to church last year at this time so it was a fun surprise to see the bluebonnets.

Apparently our pastor likes them too. He taught out of Matthew 6:24-34, that darn passage that gets me every time. When he taught on verses 28-29 ("And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these."), he substituted bluebonnets in for the lilies when he was explaining the meaning.

As I already said, that entire passage on worry just gets me because I am a control freak. I think I have moved past the worry for job, security, etc. for the most part. Sure I have moments of panic but God has only proven himself faithful in our lives so I have found myself able to rest in that. It is the literal "tomorrow" that I am worrying about. I have 6 weeks left of class work. That is so short when I really think about it! But, I am so anxious for the end to be here that I am struggling with the present. I have pretty much been in a foul and distracted mood for the last 2 months and am not getting out of it. Now I am on a lot of medication to get rid of a lingering cough and that is giving me a permanent state of grogginess. So, I am not being good at being content in the situation I am in at the moment. My poor husband is trying to do everything in the world to make me smile but I finally said last night that I don't think its going to happen until after graduation because I am struggling with all that I have to do and I am worried about getting it done. Then we had the sermon the next morning...I greatly admire my husband's restraint for not elbowing me the entire sermon!

So, I have really tried hard today to be more positive. It helps that I forgot to take my medication! But really, I am trying to take the moments that are important, like jumping in my husband's lap just to have him hug me, even though I really needed to be focusing on my upcoming test. More than that though I have to remember that as much as I love the bluebonnets, the God who created them also created me and as he provides for them he provides so much more for me. So tomorrow will come and I still have things I don't want to do anymore but I am going to try to smile a little more.

I might just need to drive west on I-20 and look at the bluebonnets again!

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