Awhile back, my pastor, who is also my boss, asked me a question that I think is one of the best questions a person can ask. We passed each other in the hallway and he asked "how are you doing?" It was while I was still a student and I said something about it being close to graduation so pretty good. He then asked "how are you really doing?" I think that is a great question for someone to take the time to ask.
There is another person, actually a pastor also, who asked that question. It was about 13 years ago and one of the ministers from her church saw my mom at the hospital. She was visiting her mother who was dying of cancer. He asked that common question we always ask "how are you doing?" to which she replied with an something like "okay" or "fine." He had the kindness to say "are you sure you're okay?" knowing full well that a person whose mother is dying is usually not "fine." That pastor ended up being a great comfort to my family through that time and his kindness at that moment meant enough to my mother for her to recall that event to me.
In our counseling program at school, we are reminded of the verse in James 1:18- "Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger." In fact, a professor using that verse was how my practicum program started. It is a verse that I have committed to memory as a counselor but also for my personal life. I'm not very good at it. But, its a goal worth working towards!
How different would our relationships be if when we say "hi, how are you doing" we were intentionally wanting to know how that person is and what they might be struggling with and are willing to listen to that. Even in our families and close relationships, conversations are often more superficial, rather than getting to the real issues that might be happening. I think it is because our culture has lost the ability to really listen. It is the common notion that to help someone is to give advice, instead of just being a listening ear and offering a shoulder.
My pastor had been a student and had a good sense of what I was going through. I wore that stress on my face. He could have left it with me saying an easy answer of "pretty good" but instead he took a few minutes to hear how I really was. I already respected and liked him a great deal, but that day he became a friend.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Here I am!
It has been over two months since I last wrote but I am coming back! Stay tuned for future posts...
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Turning Off the Television
I am in shock. How irresponsible and flat stupid are people? A madman took 31 innocent lives and now he is being made infamous. The media is actually showing the disturbing manifesto he left behind. He mailed it to NBC in between two shooting sprees. How much more of a clear message did he need to send that he wanted attention for this act? He is ranting his "message" to the world, giving him the voice he did not feel that he had while he was alive. WHY ELSE WOULD HE HAVE MAILED IT TO A MEDIA CENTER??? He knew the media moguls would feed into society's desire for sensational news. He knew that he would have the opportunity to get the attention he apparently desparately wanted. He is getting to share his message and took 31 lives for this opportunity. And the American culture fell right into his plan.
The most upsetting- on many news websites, they are displaying a picture of the killer aiming a gun at the camera. It shocked and disturbed me but I absolutely cannot imagine the reaction of the victim's loved ones who see that picture. The mother who just lost her child will be faced with the last image that her child saw before they were killed. Those pictures are absolutely immoral and irresponsible.
My husband is of the thought that he and other killers should never have their name released to the world. I'm beginning to completely agree with that. The media and public are not responsible enough to not immortalize him.
I am writing emails and comments to many news outlets voicing my opinion. I know my little voice will not mean much but it is important to me to at least tell someone at those studios of my opinion.
The most upsetting- on many news websites, they are displaying a picture of the killer aiming a gun at the camera. It shocked and disturbed me but I absolutely cannot imagine the reaction of the victim's loved ones who see that picture. The mother who just lost her child will be faced with the last image that her child saw before they were killed. Those pictures are absolutely immoral and irresponsible.
My husband is of the thought that he and other killers should never have their name released to the world. I'm beginning to completely agree with that. The media and public are not responsible enough to not immortalize him.
I am writing emails and comments to many news outlets voicing my opinion. I know my little voice will not mean much but it is important to me to at least tell someone at those studios of my opinion.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Reality of Sin
I, like the rest of America, have been shaken by the horrific events at Virginia Tech. There are so many emotions that arise from watching the news coverage.
The stories coming out about the people who died are hard to listen to. The pictures and bios make the "32 died" a much more devastating reality. I keep thinking of my little sister at her college campus. I think of the young girls her age whose lives were shockingly ended. I ache for their family and loved ones. I hurt for the students who will have images in their minds that will never cease.
As with most people, I am brought back to other events in my life that seemed to just stop time and shake my reality. The first event I remember was the Branch Davidian standoff and fire. I was young but I remember that event being the first to make me sit down in shock when I turned on the television and saw the events unfold. The first event that I remember really understanding that an evil and horrible act had been done was the Oklahoma City bombing. I can remember exactly where I was when I learned of these and other tragedies. I was sitting on my parents bed watching the fiery devastation of the Branch Davidian complex. I was in the kitchen when I heard of the bonfire falling and killing students at the college town I grew up in. I was sitting in a Saw You at the Pole rally in my own town when I learned of a deadly shooting spree at another city's rally. I was driving my little sister to school when I heard about the first plane crashing in the World Trade Center and on my shortcut road to my college campus when I learned of the second plane and the likelihood that it was terrorist attack. I especially remember the fear I felt as a student when Columbine and many other school shootings happened when I was a high school student. Each event has the same memory a sinking feeling in my stomach and the thought of "this is not okay- how does this happen?
I think that is a question that all of us ask in some way. I know I do. I think we want to know why or how these devastating events, caused by other humans, for many reasons. There is a natural curiosity. There is a desire and need to make sense of the incomprehensible.
My Christian psychology professor addressed this today during our prayer time. He said something to the effect of "psychology can offer explanations as to how a person could do this but psychology can only address the processes." Science, psychology, criminology and religiosity cannot answer why. CNN, NBC and Charles Gibson cannot answer why. The real issue is that there is sin in this world and it is pervasive. Paul in the New Testament writes of groans coming from not only Christians but creation as well, as we wait for the realized completion of salvation when we live in God's kingdom. Christ has already been victorious over death but believers still live on an earth where evil pervades and sin is still rampant. This most recent event is a clear reminder of that reality. It is a result of the worst of human nature and the sin that exists.
Even living amongst this sin and fear, Christians are able to find comfort. One of my favorite verses is Isaiah 43:2-3: When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. We are not promised to be spared from the rushing rivers or the fire...but because of who God is we will not be overcome by any of it.
This is my prayer for the families, friends, students...I can't begin to comprehend the pain they are experiencing. But I pray that even in the worst moments of their life they will be able to trust in the God who will not let us be overcome by the sin of this world.
The stories coming out about the people who died are hard to listen to. The pictures and bios make the "32 died" a much more devastating reality. I keep thinking of my little sister at her college campus. I think of the young girls her age whose lives were shockingly ended. I ache for their family and loved ones. I hurt for the students who will have images in their minds that will never cease.
As with most people, I am brought back to other events in my life that seemed to just stop time and shake my reality. The first event I remember was the Branch Davidian standoff and fire. I was young but I remember that event being the first to make me sit down in shock when I turned on the television and saw the events unfold. The first event that I remember really understanding that an evil and horrible act had been done was the Oklahoma City bombing. I can remember exactly where I was when I learned of these and other tragedies. I was sitting on my parents bed watching the fiery devastation of the Branch Davidian complex. I was in the kitchen when I heard of the bonfire falling and killing students at the college town I grew up in. I was sitting in a Saw You at the Pole rally in my own town when I learned of a deadly shooting spree at another city's rally. I was driving my little sister to school when I heard about the first plane crashing in the World Trade Center and on my shortcut road to my college campus when I learned of the second plane and the likelihood that it was terrorist attack. I especially remember the fear I felt as a student when Columbine and many other school shootings happened when I was a high school student. Each event has the same memory a sinking feeling in my stomach and the thought of "this is not okay- how does this happen?
I think that is a question that all of us ask in some way. I know I do. I think we want to know why or how these devastating events, caused by other humans, for many reasons. There is a natural curiosity. There is a desire and need to make sense of the incomprehensible.
My Christian psychology professor addressed this today during our prayer time. He said something to the effect of "psychology can offer explanations as to how a person could do this but psychology can only address the processes." Science, psychology, criminology and religiosity cannot answer why. CNN, NBC and Charles Gibson cannot answer why. The real issue is that there is sin in this world and it is pervasive. Paul in the New Testament writes of groans coming from not only Christians but creation as well, as we wait for the realized completion of salvation when we live in God's kingdom. Christ has already been victorious over death but believers still live on an earth where evil pervades and sin is still rampant. This most recent event is a clear reminder of that reality. It is a result of the worst of human nature and the sin that exists.
Even living amongst this sin and fear, Christians are able to find comfort. One of my favorite verses is Isaiah 43:2-3: When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. We are not promised to be spared from the rushing rivers or the fire...but because of who God is we will not be overcome by any of it.
This is my prayer for the families, friends, students...I can't begin to comprehend the pain they are experiencing. But I pray that even in the worst moments of their life they will be able to trust in the God who will not let us be overcome by the sin of this world.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
A New Song
Our Easter service was a really wonderful time of celebration. Everything about the service was great and I was really proud of my husband. He is definitely doing what God created him to do. We spent the morning singing praises and songs of celebration for the life that we can have because of the life of Christ and were challenged and humbled when thinking of what His life meant and what our lives should be in response.
One of the songs we sang was a hymn called "Jesus Paid it All." It is the words of the traditional hymn but we rock it up a little bit and it is a blast to play on the piano. I like the song but it has a special place in my heart for more than it being fun to play.
The song begins I hear the Savior say, "Thy strength indeed is small; Child of weakness, watch and pray, find in Me thine all in all." A few weeks we were practicing this song for the first time and it was during the point of the semester that I was just tired, stressed and really unhappy. That first verse struck me and brought tears to my eyes. Those words perfectly described the absolute weariness that I felt but they were so freeing at the same time. That moment was the start of a change in my heart, outlook, mood...whatever it was, I was changing. I began praying for God's peace in a different way. I had to remember that I am a child of weakness. I had been trying so hard to rely on my own strength and knowledge and that just wasn't going very well.
Again back to Easter morning...we had not played this song in a few weeks and we were rehearsing it on Sunday morning. Again, tears came to my eyes when we sang that first verse. This time it was tears of great appreciation for God's unending faithfulness and the sweet peace He has provided since that night. I remembered that night of practice where I just felt miserable and I am so grateful that He has given me a "new song."
The hymn is actually speaking of the power of God in bringing salvation. We as sinners could not achieve salvation on our own but are given the opportunity of eternal life through the power and sacrifice of God. I understand my weakness as a human and my utter reliance on God for my salvation, I just sometimes forget that I need to rely on Him in this life. It is so strange to me that I can trust Him to be true when it comes to my entire life and salvation but yet I don't think about trying to trust Him to take care of something as simple as a busy semester.
It took me awhile but I am grateful that I finally got the fact that I am weak but I really can find my Lord to be my all in all. What a sweet peace that is.
One of the songs we sang was a hymn called "Jesus Paid it All." It is the words of the traditional hymn but we rock it up a little bit and it is a blast to play on the piano. I like the song but it has a special place in my heart for more than it being fun to play.
The song begins I hear the Savior say, "Thy strength indeed is small; Child of weakness, watch and pray, find in Me thine all in all." A few weeks we were practicing this song for the first time and it was during the point of the semester that I was just tired, stressed and really unhappy. That first verse struck me and brought tears to my eyes. Those words perfectly described the absolute weariness that I felt but they were so freeing at the same time. That moment was the start of a change in my heart, outlook, mood...whatever it was, I was changing. I began praying for God's peace in a different way. I had to remember that I am a child of weakness. I had been trying so hard to rely on my own strength and knowledge and that just wasn't going very well.
Again back to Easter morning...we had not played this song in a few weeks and we were rehearsing it on Sunday morning. Again, tears came to my eyes when we sang that first verse. This time it was tears of great appreciation for God's unending faithfulness and the sweet peace He has provided since that night. I remembered that night of practice where I just felt miserable and I am so grateful that He has given me a "new song."
The hymn is actually speaking of the power of God in bringing salvation. We as sinners could not achieve salvation on our own but are given the opportunity of eternal life through the power and sacrifice of God. I understand my weakness as a human and my utter reliance on God for my salvation, I just sometimes forget that I need to rely on Him in this life. It is so strange to me that I can trust Him to be true when it comes to my entire life and salvation but yet I don't think about trying to trust Him to take care of something as simple as a busy semester.
It took me awhile but I am grateful that I finally got the fact that I am weak but I really can find my Lord to be my all in all. What a sweet peace that is.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
A Real Church Family
I noticed that most of my posts have been pretty downcast so I thought I might shake things up and have a positive post instead!
Last night I went to a leadership meeting for the church where my husband is a worship pastor. I laughed so hard, got lots of encouragement, enjoyed sharing a meal and just enjoyed being with friends. These are wonderful leaders and I actually love being in meetings with them!
I love this church. It is a 2nd campus of a larger church. With the design of the church, it requires a lot of team work and there is a real emphasis on building relationships. I truly love going to church every week and getting to see my church family. I have heard nightmare stories of being a minister's wife but I have yet to experience it and in fact have experienced the exact opposite.
There is a real sense of unity and excitement for God's work. I am grateful that we get to be a part of a church with such wonderful people. I never go a Sunday without many people asking how my week was, how classes are, how many days until graduation and telling me that they are praying for me often. They have invested in our lives and we are surrounded by encouragers.
My husband and I were both raised in church and both of us can remember adults in the church who were special people in our lives. I am so grateful that when we have kids, there are so many wonderful adults that will love on our kids and model to them what it is to live like a Christian man or woman.
So this was not a very profound post but it is something that I am very happy and thankful about. Maybe when classes end I will get a little more thought provoking!
Last night I went to a leadership meeting for the church where my husband is a worship pastor. I laughed so hard, got lots of encouragement, enjoyed sharing a meal and just enjoyed being with friends. These are wonderful leaders and I actually love being in meetings with them!
I love this church. It is a 2nd campus of a larger church. With the design of the church, it requires a lot of team work and there is a real emphasis on building relationships. I truly love going to church every week and getting to see my church family. I have heard nightmare stories of being a minister's wife but I have yet to experience it and in fact have experienced the exact opposite.
There is a real sense of unity and excitement for God's work. I am grateful that we get to be a part of a church with such wonderful people. I never go a Sunday without many people asking how my week was, how classes are, how many days until graduation and telling me that they are praying for me often. They have invested in our lives and we are surrounded by encouragers.
My husband and I were both raised in church and both of us can remember adults in the church who were special people in our lives. I am so grateful that when we have kids, there are so many wonderful adults that will love on our kids and model to them what it is to live like a Christian man or woman.
So this was not a very profound post but it is something that I am very happy and thankful about. Maybe when classes end I will get a little more thought provoking!
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Bluebonnets!
Seeing the bluebonnets for the first time in the season is one of my favorite moments of spring. Sunday morning I got to see them for the first time on my way to church! I was so excited and told my husband "When He had them bloom this week, God knew it would make me smile today." We didn't drive that direction to church last year at this time so it was a fun surprise to see the bluebonnets.
Apparently our pastor likes them too. He taught out of Matthew 6:24-34, that darn passage that gets me every time. When he taught on verses 28-29 ("And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these."), he substituted bluebonnets in for the lilies when he was explaining the meaning.
As I already said, that entire passage on worry just gets me because I am a control freak. I think I have moved past the worry for job, security, etc. for the most part. Sure I have moments of panic but God has only proven himself faithful in our lives so I have found myself able to rest in that. It is the literal "tomorrow" that I am worrying about. I have 6 weeks left of class work. That is so short when I really think about it! But, I am so anxious for the end to be here that I am struggling with the present. I have pretty much been in a foul and distracted mood for the last 2 months and am not getting out of it. Now I am on a lot of medication to get rid of a lingering cough and that is giving me a permanent state of grogginess. So, I am not being good at being content in the situation I am in at the moment. My poor husband is trying to do everything in the world to make me smile but I finally said last night that I don't think its going to happen until after graduation because I am struggling with all that I have to do and I am worried about getting it done. Then we had the sermon the next morning...I greatly admire my husband's restraint for not elbowing me the entire sermon!
So, I have really tried hard today to be more positive. It helps that I forgot to take my medication! But really, I am trying to take the moments that are important, like jumping in my husband's lap just to have him hug me, even though I really needed to be focusing on my upcoming test. More than that though I have to remember that as much as I love the bluebonnets, the God who created them also created me and as he provides for them he provides so much more for me. So tomorrow will come and I still have things I don't want to do anymore but I am going to try to smile a little more.
I might just need to drive west on I-20 and look at the bluebonnets again!
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