Susie Homemaker, I am Not

Oh what an evening! As written in the last post, there are some thingsI want to improve on. One of those being how I handle dinner. So, this afternoon I was quite pleased with myself. I had been to the grocery store with Baby J and stuck completely to my list and purchased all of the ingredients I would need for dinner for the next 4 nights. I got home and Baby J was in a great mood so I put him in his high chair with some cereal to snack on while I unloaded the car. A few minor bumps but all was still going well enough. I realized my box of macaroni had expired (who knew that stuff goes bad?) and the recipe for the sandwiches called for a panini grill (which I do not have), a slight oversight on my part. But I pressed on. He was still in a great mood so I thought I would get dinner started. I put in his Wee Sing cd of Bible songs and sang along to him while he munched on cereal, grinning at me as I began some risotto (sounds impressive huh?) and starting cooking the chicken on the stove. I was thinking what a perfect picture of a housewife I would be when my husband came through the door after work. Singing songs with my son (Bible songs at that) while a wonderful dinner was being prepared. Seems pretty perfect doesn't it?

That is when it all hit the fan. First, the stupid risotto kept trying to boil over which is a serious problem on my stupid electric stove. Then, while dealing with that I let the chicken begin sticking to the pan and I was using my smallest frying pan which meant that it would probably get too hot and be a hassle the whole time. And then, Baby J starts sounding unhappy and I realize that it is time for him to eat and he is likely hungry. But, I can't leave the stupid risotto or it will boil over and the chicken is already beginning to burn so I am hoping Baby J will hold out until Daddy gets home and can feed him. So, as I am pouring more cereal out for Baby J to snack on (yes I know, mother of the year right here) and still singing trying to distract him, the darn smoke alarm goes off. Oh yes, it keeps getting better. Now don't worry, I wasn't putting us in danger. Our smoke alarm goes off if you sneeze wrong and the chicken sizzling for too long in the pan while I poured cereal was just too much. This really helped Baby J's mood. I yank the smoke alarm out of the ceiling (don't turn me in please) and try and salvage what is happening on the stove and begin making a bottle, all while praying my hubby comes soon so that he can feed my now very impatient son so that I don't burn the apartment down.

So now picture the scene. There is a very unhappy baby in his high chair, a smoke alarm dangling from the ceiling, a scent of burnt stuff wafting in the air, me quite frazzled, risotto burnt to the bottom of a pot, all with kids singing "The B-I-B-L-E" blaring in the background. A far cry from the earlier scene. And in walks my husband. Perfect. Luckily my husband is a very intelligent man, just smiled and kept his mouth shut and quickly cheered Baby J up while I finished up dinner.

Shockingly, it actually turned out pretty good, especially considering the circumstances. And my table was cleaned off so that we could all eat together.

Maybe before I try and follow through with my good intentions I should try and think things out a little better ahead of time.

For the New Year I will...

I am not a fan of new year resolutions because I am the queen of great intentions with significantly less follow through (see I Will #2 below). The way I see it, if I never make the resolutions then I don't have to feel guilty in February when I have already let them slip. But, there are some areas of my life that I feel need improvement and again, being the queen of great intentions...those changes don't come easily. So, I am using a counseling tool to help myself. When I have a client set goals in counseling, the most important rules are that the goals are measurable (so that you can know you have met them) and achievable. I have heard it recommended that when writing goals it is helpful to put what you will do into sentence form. So, here goes...(disclaimer: I am putting myself out here so no judgments allowed if you can't believe I don't do/do something listed here)
Beginning in 2009...

• I will keep the dining room table clean so that the three of us can eat at the table. The mail has to find a new home.
• When I have a "great intention" I will write it down or tell my husband about it so that I won't forget it or have motivation to follow through.
• I will keep up with the calendar that is now on my fridge.
• I will read the Bible in a year. I want to do this every year. I want to buy one of those "One Year Bibles" and start on January 1. Well again, queen of great intentions...I never buy one in time. This year I did though and really want to follow through with this goal. Now, when I was with friends tonight at 9:30 I realized that I had already forgotten about day 1! But I read it when I came home and told my husband to ask me each day if I read until I get better at it. Hopefully some blogs will come from what I am reading. Leading to the next one...
• I will blog at least once every two weeks. So, don't be surprised if one week all you see is a "this is my mandatory post for the week."
• I will cook more vegetables with meals. I am about to have a little boy eating what we eat and I have got to improve my menus!
• I will always have some sort of dessert for my husband. I think all I would have to do to be the perfect wife would be to make it so that he has something sweet every night (even if I need to stock up on candy bars to hand him one when I don't feel like baking). I did well at this for about 3 weeks this summer. Again, great intentions...
• I will do one craft project each month. I love doing something crafty and don't give myself much time to. It lifts my mood whenever I do though.
• I am going to keep our home neater. I am horrible at this and I really want to be better. I am just so lazy! This is a poorly written goal because it isn't measurable but I am going to have to take baby steps!

I am sure there are many more things I can improve on but I'm starting with what is achievable! I'll give an update in February of how I am doing.

Happy New Year!

The Trip Home

Today is one year since my grandmother, Meme, went home to heaven. I have been thinking about her a lot this past week. I miss her. I so badly wish that my son could know her, be rocked by her, have her read to him. I wish I could still talk to her, get her emails, listen to her stories. The overwhelming comfort though for me is the reminder of the life she has now, fully healed and experiencing the glory of God.

During Meme's last week we were encouraged to continue to talk to her because she could still hear us. I was about 12 weeks pregnant so I talked a lot about my baby with her, told her stories about what my husband and I were doing, how much I loved her…what I would talk to her about if she were talking back. My mom suggested that I read to her from one of her favorite books, Traveling Light, by Max Lucado.

It is a study on the 23rd Psalm and uses the metaphor of the excess luggage we carry that is unnecessary. Meme loved this book. We joked that she was going to suggest it to King David, the author of Psalm 23. I had not read it so I flipped through it to find a chapter that seemed appropriate. Well, I came to the last one titled "I will lead you home". It describes the final piece of baggage that we, as Christians, must release which is the burden of the grave. We carry a lot of burdens on this earth because we live in a sinful world. But we have the joy of getting to give those burdens over to God for him to carry for us. The greatest burden we have is death, the punishment for our sins. God is loving though and also offers to carry that burden for us through the gift of salvation. This is what is written about in the final chapter of the book. Mama and I cried as I read it but it was one of the best things we could have heard at that time. It was a real reminder about what Meme was about to experience. Though she fought it hard, cancer had stolen her earthly body but it could not steal her life. When she took her last breath, Meme left this earth and was greeted in heaven. As painful as it was (and still is) to lose her, how can I not celebrate that for her? In the moments after her death, my mom said to me "she put down that last piece of luggage." What a comfort it was to think of that during that painful time. I spent a lot of time after that trying to picture what Meme was getting to experience at that time. I don’t know exactly what heaven will be like, but I do know that she was experiencing beyond what we could even imagine.

Actually, reading that book was the second best thing I could have read that week. The best was something I read privately, a few mornings before she passed away. Meme left us a list of her favorite Scriptures. One morning that I couldn’t sleep, I opened my Bible and looked up each passage on the list. It was such a sweet time when I got to learn even more about her faith. I was surprised to learn that we shared a favorite verse. I read some of the Psalms she liked and wondered at what point in her life they brought particular comfort. I was also amazed at the strength of her faith when I read other Psalms because they did not waver in praise to God. But one in particular was the best gift she could have given us- John 14:1-14. The reason that one was so important was because it told us without a doubt what she believed and because of that, we could celebrate he home going to heaven.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Psalm 23:6

A Heavenly Medal Ceremony

I loved watching the Olympics. The skill involved, the excitement of a race, the patriotism...I love it all. My favorite is the medal ceremony- when an athlete stands proudly on a stand, singing his or her country’s anthem as the flag is raised, experiencing the reward for years of hard work.

I was thinking about the life an Olympic athlete leads. To be the best in the world the athlete must spend hours each day perfecting their skill. Their diet, their habits, even where they live is all influenced by their sport. And they do it for a race that may last less than a minute, for the chance to stand on a podium for a few more minutes. And in four years it is likely that they will be replaced by someone who broke their record. Why do they do it? Well as someone who hates working out, I really have no clue as to why they would!

I then began to think about why most people do not pursue their goals with such dedication. Even further, shouldn’t Christians pursue their calling with even more determined commitment because their end goal was infinitely more rewarding? But then I remembered that someone else also had that thought and already taught that lesson…

I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings. Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.
1 Corinthians 9:23-25

Okay, so Paul beat me to this bright idea. He was probably even referring to the types of races the original Olympics grew from in Greece. Anyway...

Do, I follow God with such dedication that everything I do is in response to my race? Do I run hard, all the way through the line, every time? Am I ever satisfied with anything less than gold? The answer is a sad “no”.

There is not a successful Olympic athlete who does not commit whole heartedly to their training. Sure, some have the right physique for their sport and have natural ability, but they also must work extremely hard. Well, God has given me everything I need to be “a natural” at my task and fully equipped me with everything I could need for the race. The prize is mine to run after.

And can you imagine that medal ceremony?

Final "I love my church" Post (for now)

I have been slow to write about this because every time I started, I couldn’t figure out how what exactly to write. I’ve written three or four drafts already but they never quite addressed what I wanted.

If you have read my blog in the past, you have read about the church I have been a part of and how much I love it. Well, the decision was made to close it a few weeks ago and we no longer meet together. That was a very difficult thing for me, as it was for many of my church family. We have since moved back to the sending campus and are transitioning into new roles there.

I have debated what to write about. Do I write about what I miss? I miss my church family who were so kind to us, I miss serving with a group that was such an amazing team, I miss my husband leading worship, I miss getting to play the keyboard, I miss showing up early and staying late, I miss knowing I was a part of something great…but that wasn’t really what I wanted to write about.

So do I write about what I loved about our campus? I loved the people, I loved the sense of community, I loved the atmosphere of worship, I loved watching the Body of Christ in action, I loved the leadership team my husband was a part of, I loved the challenge…but that too wasn’t what I wanted to write about.

Do I write about the feelings that have come from this? Denial, anger, confusion, sadness…no, again that is not what I wanted to write about. Plus, it would probably just get me in trouble.

So, what do I write about? I think it is what I have learned through this. Or, maybe I should say am currently learning. We went to this new campus over 2 ½ years ago knowing that God called us to go. We knew we were called there a year before that. I still have no doubt that we were obedient in going. So why would God lead us to something that would end so painfully? I’m not positive, but I do know that I am still grateful that He did. In that time I got to experience real community in a church, find real joy in service, met some amazing friends and built genuine relationships, learned so much about ministry…I will probably never know all that I learned. As much as it hurt, and still hurts, to have the door close on something we had poured our hearts into, I would not think twice about doing it again. So, the most important thing I have learned is that God is trustworthy and faithful. It makes it much easier to be obedient to the next thing He calls us to because I know that God has another incredible experience in store for us.

I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:3

New Diapers

What a strange thing to be nostalgic about but my baby's new diapers make me sad! We found a brand and style that worked for him and stuck with it. I quickly learned that diapers aren't an area of trial and error when using them because the error is not much fun. Anyway, these diapers have Sesame Street characters on it that grow with the diaper size. They start at a newborn size where the characters are tiny babies- Bert wears little sleepers. The next sizes up has Big Bird with a teddy bear, Zoe has a pacifier...they're all little babies. Well, now he has grown enough that he has to move to a new style. They're no longer made for newborns but active babies. These Sesame Street characters are all grown up! Elmo plays with a train, Ernie plays with blocks...I'm not ready to have him grow up enough to not be considered a little baby anymore!

Closing the Library

I love to learn. If I have a question about something I go to the internet or a book immediately to find the answer and I don't stop at one person's answer, I look up multiple sources on the subject. The main reason Ph.D work is still tempting for me is because of all of the research I will be able to do for a dissertation. I took a test at a previous job regarding personality and strengths (or something like that) and the clearest response for my personality is that I enjoy learning new things and doing the research for the topic.

So, having a new baby has allowed me plenty of new topics to learn about! You see, I had no clue about what to do with a baby so I read all through my pregnancy and have tried to read a lot whenever a new issue with him arises. I am sure that my husband, mom and anyone else I talk to are so sick of hearing "well I read this and they said..."


But, I am learning more and more that I need to just stop reading all of that stuff and stick with the mommy gut. No, not the gut left over from pregnancy but that voice inside that says "he is your little boy and you have been with him for the past almost 4 months, not that researcher." So, I am shelving some of those books so to speak. Sure, I'll keep reading just because I like learning but I am not going to base who I am as a mother on what they say.


The way I see it, women have been mothers since Eve had Cain and Abel. She didn't have books to read or a website to search. Sure, some may say she didn't do so well seeing as how one son killed the other but that is another story :). The point is, God made me to be my son's mother and no one else so I have to know that God will give me the wisdom to know how to care for him. Remind me of that the next time I quote a message board.