Mama, Will You Sing...

This evening was one of those evenings.  Here is the series of events:

• Battery light comes on in my car.  I look in the book and it tells me that the battery is weak.  Talk to my husband, he'll take it to get it replaced.
• I am in the neighboring city to pick up my son, about 25 minutes from home, and stuff starts going wrong.  The radio is going in and out, a/c isn't functioning correctly, ABS light comes on, all as I am turning onto the street to pick up J.
• Unload Baby B, pick up J, load Baby B and J back into the car.  Turn on the car...well, try to turn on the car. It won't.  So I unload Baby B and J and ask our friends for help in jumping the battery. 
• This was annoying (and I was cursing the book for just saying "weak battery" not "drive at a high speed to the nearest auto shop to change the battery") but not a problem.  We were at the house of our very good friends so J kept having fun while they helped us out and I didn't have to risk blowing up my car trying to jump the battery.  I was also able to make sure Baby B was fed, which turned out beneficial for all of us. The car started up immediately.
• I load the kids back up and start driving home but then realize the computer of my car is not working and I make the turn to take the back way/non interstate way home. 
• I start getting a little nervous, just wanting to make it home. I make it about 10 minutes and then...well, I don't know what happened but I knew it wasn't okay.
• At this point, J is asking to hear one of his favorite songs on the radio and I tell him that it isn't working.  So he wants us to sing it.  He was also disappointed that I didn't bring his Imagination Movers cd.
• It starts getting worse.  And worse. And then my car dies. At a huge intersection still about 15 minutes from home.
• So now I am sitting with a dead car, waiting for my husband and a police officer.  Though I have my caution lights on, apparently in this area of town the caution lights mean start honking loudly and gesturing to the stalled car at the green light.  It is starting to get really warm in the car. I am trying to stay calm.  I am just waiting for Baby B to start crying. And praying we don't get rear ended. J asks again to sing his favorite song and starts singing in the backseat.
• Husband, police officer, and a random man who J called a cowboy show up so we moved to husband's truck while they try to jump the battery again long enough to move it to a nearby parking lot. After a long wait, realizing the battery won't stay charged and there was no way to push it into the parking lot, the car has to be towed away. 
• So we drove home, having the fun "how much is the going to cost?" discussion with the stress levels a little high and my son again asks for his song, to which we all sing along.

What was this song?  It was Matt Redman's "Never Let Go" (though J knows it better as the song his daddy sings on a cd).  Here is the chorus J kept singing:
Oh no, you never let go, through the calm and through the storm.
Oh no, you never let go, every high and every low.
Oh no, you never let go,
Lord, you never let go of me.

It was just what I needed in each of those moments, to hear a sweet toddler voice reminding me that God never lets go.  It brought a needed peace to the stressful situation: of driving a car that started having issues with my two kids in it, then waiting in a busy intersection in the stalled car with my two kids in it, then worrying about the financial aspects of it all.  God is so good in how he takes care of us in all things, even using a song.

And then, after a not so great evening, the dog throws up in the living room.  There isn't a song for that.  I'm calling it a night.

 

Stuck on Saturday

Have you ever thought about Saturday as a part of Holy Week? There are specific discussions in the Bible about other days and churches have services to commemorate those days- the triumphal entry on Palm Sunday, the last supper on Thursday, the crucifixion on Friday and of course the resurrection on Sunday. But what happened on Saturday? What was going on for Jesus' followers on the day after his execution?

We do know a few things: The Bible says Jesus' body was in a sealed and guarded tomb, and his followers had scattered after his arrest and death. Though they had scattered, some of them apparently joined together again after the observance of the Sabbath because the women who discovered the empty tomb told the news to a group of them. Those are the few details that are shared.

I can't imagine what they are feeling. The disciples had given up their lives to follow this man named Jesus, abandoning their careers, facing ridicule, committing the time and minds all because they trusted that he was the Savior and Messiah that was promised to God's people. They were willing to make the sacrifices to follow Jesus because they thought they were following God. But everything they knew and believed changed in a day. They went from celebrating the Passover with their friend on one evening and in less than a day he was arrested, accused of blasphemy, beaten and executed like a dirty criminal. Now their Savior laid in a tomb.

Saturday was the Sabbath which meant no work could be done in observance of the day. Being that the disciples and most of Jesus' followers were Jewish, that meant they were not able to do much besides sit and think. It was supposed to be a day of worship but did they even want to worship God? Did they believe any more? Maybe they were angry, maybe they were confused, maybe scared, mourning, regretful, shocked. Maybe they felt it all. They were confident that they were doing what God wanted in following Jesus and believing him to be the Messiah. But on that Saturday, following God did not look at all like they thought it would, in fact it looked like a gigantic failure.

Have you ever had a "Saturday" like that? You feel so confident that you are in God's plan, or at least you know you are trying to be obedient to him, but then nothing seems to look as though you would think it should. Maybe it doesn't seem like God is answering your prayers. Maybe something painful happens in your life that you wonder why God doesn't prevent. Maybe it feels as though nothing is going right, as much as you are trying.

Take heart, because your Sunday is coming. The disciples too were angry, confused, scared, etc. because, in their minds, the death of their leader and friend what was supposed to happen to the Messiah. Little did they know that God's plan to bring them and all of us salvation required just that and the entire time he was in full control. Not only was God in control of what seemed devastating, but they were about to experience something they could not have even dreamed of. Jesus proved himself to be God in a spectacular way through his resurrection. Had it all been according to their plan, not only would salvation not have come to the world but they would have missed out on being a witness to a glorious miracle.

Whatever your "Saturday" is right now may seem frustrating or confusing. You may be mad at God. You may not feel like worshipping him right now because he isn't responding in the way you think he should. But don't let yourself miss out on something far greater than you could ever dream up for yourself just because of your expectation. Just wait, Sunday is coming.

Identify Yourself

Now that I have titled this blog, all I can here is a little robotic voice saying "Wall-E" in my head. If you have watched the Disney/Pixar movie Wall-E as much as I have, you would too. My mind has automatically gone to the scene when Eve tells Wall-E to identify himself...anyway, on to the real post.

This post is copied from a blog that I like because it usually makes me literally laugh out loud. It is from the author Jon Acuff who wrote the book Stuff Christians Like and the blog is about the same subject. It is kind of a tongue in cheek, poking fun at yourselves, commentary on how Christians or churches do things. If you have grown up in church, there will be lots of posts that sound very familiar to you. He is also one of my favorite people to follow on Twitter, again causing me to LOL. While the posts are usually meant to be humorous, he posts a serious one each Wednesday meant to encourage the reader in their Christian walk. He actually calls them Serious Wednesday blogs.

With my new book Quitter coming out on May 10, one of the questions I have bouncing around in my head is, “What if it fails?” The Stuff Christians Like book did well and there’s a part of me that fears that Quitter won’t do as well. I know that’s a negative thought, but I want to be honest about what’s bouncing around in my head right now.

Here’s what Daniel told me: “The problem is that we all start off with an identity. It’s who we are and who God made us to be. Then we have some small degree of success and we add that to our identity. That success becomes our identity. So now, when we try something new, we’re not just afraid to fail, we’re afraid to lose our identity. That’s what’s terrifying. That’s why people are afraid to take risks or try new things. It’s not just failure at stake, we think we’re going to lose our identity and that’s overwhelming.”

That mentality is easy to see in a city like Nashville. I have musician friends who released successful first albums and are now afraid to release a second album. Because if success is their identity, if they fail, they’ve lost their entire identity. But I don’t think that’s just something artists struggle with. The truth is, I think on some level must of us wrestle with the temptation to let other things become our identity.

You see this in parents who turn the performance of their kids into their identity. Sometimes parents get crazy with pushing kids in sports or school because more than a soccer goal or a spelling test is at stake. Their identity is up for grabs.

You see this in dating relationships. Sometimes we’re desperate for them not to end for the wrong reasons. With popular song lyrics telling us, “What am I supposed to do, when the best part of me was always you?” it’s so easy to think, “If I lose this boyfriend, I’ll lose my whole identity.”

You see this at work, when someone scraps and fights for a surprisingly small amount of power and politics inside a cubicle. It’s not a bonus at stake or a plaque or a recognition, it’s their identity they’re fighting for.

Over and over again, whether you’re writing a new book, or dating a new girl or applying for a new job, it’s so easy to fall into the trap of “identity addition.”

But that debate is over. You’re identity has been decided. How you perform in a new opportunity will not finalize that. You are a son or daughter of Christ. You are an heir to the throne. No success or failure should become your identity. No rise or fall can determine who you are. And though that feels simple and sometimes even impossible to believe, that is what I remind myself of every day. We are God’s children. And you and I can rest in the truth of that and be bold in the risks we take and the hope we have. Because our identity is not at stake.

To be honest, I was not aware that I was struggling with identity problems until after reading this commentary. But I am. It has been a while I think since I have felt like I had much of an identity besides being a mom. I have been filling out job applications and have to answer those dreaded "List 3 strengths and 3 weaknesses" part of the application or other various "tell us about yourself" questions. I have actually had to ask my husband to describe me so I would know what to answer. I used to look for strategic answers to those questions (I mean seriously, who wants to really answer what you are bad at on something that decides if you will be hired by a company or not). But this time around, I am really not sure how to describe who I am.

To be perfectly clear, I love identifying myself as a mother. There is no role that I have ever or will ever be prouder of than being Mama to my two precious kids. No one can make me feel as good about myself than my little boy because to him my only fault is enforcing naptime. An excited voice calling "Mama!" when I come through the door changes a bad day to good in an instant. Even my 6 week old little girl can make me feel like the most special person in the world when she gives me certain looks. I love that I know my kids and their unique qualities because of the time I spend with them and get to be a large part of the shaping their lives.

But I have kind of lost sight of who I am beyond that. In pondering where I find my identity, I think I used to find it in what was affirmed that I was good at by someone else. When I got commended on school work, or someone paid me a compliment, or an idea was proven to work at a job...that is when I would be able to say "(fill in the blank) is a good quality of mine". I just don't hear that kind of thing often anymore because my life doesn't lend itself to having things to prove what I do well, besides being a good mom. Now I do know I am an "awesome buddy" because my son told me that the other day and that is a pretty cool attribute! I would rather my son think I am an awesome buddy any day than being told I wrote an A quality paper.

So I needed to read the last part of Jon's post, reminding me who I am regardless of affirmations or titles or successes. That identity was bought with a high price and there is nothing I can do to lose it. And at the end of this life, that is the only identity that will matter.

An Adoption Story

I realized recently that some of the most amazing stories I have heard recently have involved adoptions. I have had a place in my heart that softens when it comes to adoption stories because I believe it is such a beautiful picture of acceptance, redemption and a second chance. A child spends their young life without the most important thing for a child to experience, unconditional love. The child does not have the security of knowing they will forever be a part of a family, that they are wanted, that they have a chance. But an adoption changes all of that: a child suddenly is forever a member of a family with parents and siblings, they are desired, chosen and often fought for, and are given a chance for a new life.

I have had two special families that I am friends with that have recently walked through adoptions and their stories are the ones that I am speaking of above. The first you can read of here. We'll call them the "Bonks". The Mama is a sweet friend of mine who is everything she presents herself to be in the blog: a thoughtful person who is committed to her faith while being a complete goofball who can win a contest of stuffing powdered donuts in her mouth. And she absolutely adores and gives her life to her family. She unfortunately moved away from me almost 2 years ago but has remained that go to friend when I just need to know someone has my back in prayer. Anyway, back to the original post... This family has been through the ringer when it comes to domestic adoptions. As a friend knowing their God given desire to provide a home for children who need one, it has been painful to see the devastations their hearts have had to face. But in the last week they have been able to finalize the second of the adoptions for two kids they have fought relentlessly for. They raised these two for over a year, from when they were both days old, knowing the whole time that the birth families could be given the kids back at any time. It seemed impossible at times for both kids' situations but two miracles happened and they are now in a forever family. These kids weren't wanted and weren't even taken care of before they were born by their birth families but they will never know that. Instead, they have only known life with a family of their two parents and their big brother who completely adore and want them. They both have incredible stories of defying predictions made about them because they have parents who love them and provide them with the relationship they need. And they are a hoot to keep up with now on the blog.

The second family's story can be read about here. These friends are in China as I write this with their new little girl! I met this family, the Longleys, about two years ago and quickly learned about the desire God had put in their hearts to provide a home for a little girl from China. They have waited for a long time for a daughter and their long standing commitment and sacrifices to bring her home is incredible. Several months ago they were presented with Yu Niu Jiao. We now know her as Katie Joy. Katie too was a child that wasn't given a chance in life. She has lived in an orphanage in China since birth and she had her two year birthday this week. The Longleys are over their right now to meet her, complete the adoption and bring her home to a family and church family that is excited to welcome her. In one day she went from being one of many kids that stayed in a crib all day to being a part of a family that has dreamed of her. The stories from their time over their have been unreal. She has not hit most developmental milestones, such as sitting or walking, due to her living conditions. I have a two, almost three, year old. Two year olds should be able to run, jump, laugh, respond to people. It is heart breaking that those are the conditions for countless orphans across the world. She doesn't know how to eat solid foods and had spent so much time on her back that milk had caused painful congestion in her little body. She didn't know how to be loved. But her story has already changed! After just a few days she is army crawling to chase a ball. She is laughing. She is responding to medication to heal her little body. She is being adored by her daddy, mommy and big brother.

Those are amazing stories in themselves. But what is really cool is that the stories get even better. Both families have been able to be an example of unconditional love to people who don't see that. The Bonks did a domestic adoption through a foster to adopt program. They interacted with countless people in the social services realm. People in social services don't typically meet families like the Bonks, rather they see the worst of the worst when it comes to families. Few understood the heart of the Bonks, that they didn't have alterior motives or wouldn't quit when it got hard. They showed goodness and compassion to birth parents. The Bonks were treated ugly by some, but remained kind. They showed a broken system that a family could love kids even though their birth families had chosen not to.

The Longleys have done an international adoption in a country that refuses God. In their few days there, the Longleys have been able to demonstrate unconditional love, a concept that is completely foreign to these people because that is something that is only of God. Because of Katie's needs, the people in China assisting with adoption advised the Longleys to wait until Katie's medical evaluation to finalize the adoption so that they could have the freedom to walk away. That was not even a consideration for the Longleys though, she was their daughter already in their hearts. Their commitment to be Katie's family regardless of her needs was so moving to the workers that it has opened the doors for them to question what was different about the Longleys. As Gene put it, God has more plans for their trip to China than just picking up Katie.

These three kids have been given a second chance at life because loving, sacrificial parents chose them and had a steadfast commitment to bring them into their family. And through that God has been glorified. Sounds pretty incredible doesn't it?

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.

Ephesians 1:4-6

It is. We all have been given a second chance. We are all wanted. We all have the chance for the unacceptable love that is forever. By a loving and sacrificial Father who has chosen us and has a steadfast commitment to bring us into his family. Now that is an amazing story.

A Grown Up?

It is happening...I am starting to feel like a grown up.

I probably should have come to this realization a while back. After all, I have been a legal adult for over ten years. I have two degrees, I am a homeowner, a parent and a responsible citizen. Most people probably trust me as an adult. I would agree that I have been an adult for several years but being a grown up is on a completely different level.

Why is this? Well, now I have kids. I am not used to saying the plural yet and saying that just adds to my age. You see, I guess my thought was that we can still be that young couple with their first child. But as soon as a second is added, I think the perception of my age is increased.

Also, I am no longer considered the younger one of the group. Most of my friends are in their thirties but no longer look at us as younger. I was always the youngest by several years in most of my jobs and that left me feeling young. But, now people are surprised to hear my age so I am no longer considered the young one. I did not appreciate that as I should have when I was twenty. And teenagers now think of me as old, not just older.

This is the kicker for me...I am almost thirty. Not quite yet (as my son would say), but close enough. My next birthday, in less than two months, will be my...29th. I am in my last year of my twenties. How did that happen? It is a little more traumatic because up until about a week ago I thought I was turning 28. That is not new for me though, I think I have been 28 for the last three birthdays. For my 27th I thought I was turning 28, last year I had it right and this year I just couldn't remember my age again. I had to think about the year I was born to confirm my age! 29 just sounds like a grown up (not old, just grown up). I really thought 25 sounded old when I turned that age (I know, anyone 26 or older is rolling their eyes) but that was just a stepping stone into grownupness.

I am mainly writing this so that when I am 38 and about to turn 39 I can read this and roll my eyes. By that time my oldest will be about to turn 13 so I will be reminded often how old I am anyway.

Thankful Today #22

#22- I am thankful for my puppy

On June 30, this past summer, we made the crazy decision to drive over an hour away to look at a little bloodhound puppy at a rescue shelter. We went to see a specific girl but she was a part of a large litter that had been abandoned. They were all together on a fenced in patio and when we saw her, we knew she was our Molly. All of the puppies were about 4 1/2 months old and adorable. They came running to see us, jumping on the fence and barking excitedly. And then there was a sweet red haired puppy who waited sweetly for her siblings to get done jumping around and go off and play and she walked over and looked up at us with her sweet, dark eyes. She stole my husband's heart at that moment. She just happened to also be the one we saw in the picture on a website and came to see specifically.

Molly is a wonderful puppy, we could not have asked for better. She is huge, at least 60+ pounds and is 9 months old. She is a lot of fun to play with and still has a puppy personality in the yard. But she can also be very calm and relaxed and obedient, not at all like a puppy. She is amazing with our busy two year old who is not always good with boundaries. She has never acted out at him, though he has deserved it plenty of times. He loves her and she seems to like, or at least tolerate, him. Actually, they are really becoming buddies. He looks for her first thing in the morning and she looks for him. Usually she barrels into his room when I open the door and about gets in his bed, covering him with kisses. She loves attention and wants to be wherever we are. She has also figured out quickly how to be a princess, finding the most comfortable spot in the room. If there is a blanket or pillow left around, she will be on it.

My husband has wanted a dog for a long time (as have I) and she has been exactly right. Sure she drools, but she is a hound dog. I love that we were able to help a dog that had a really bad start in life and provide her with a home. She is our pound puppy and I am grateful for her.

Thankful Today #21

#21- I am thankful for my husband as a minister

Note that this is written on a Sunday, a very busy Sunday at that. So, that should show just how well my husband does at balancing ministry and family.

I think most ministers would say that their family is priority to them...but unfortunately a lot don't show that. I have been in church all of my life, have been involved in leadership either through my husband or me for several years, worked at and attended a seminary with pastors or pastors to be, so I feel like I have been around a lot of ministers. It is easy for one to say that the church never comes before family, but then I don't know how many I have seen not match that. It is hard to say no to things that seem like it would be good work. How does a spouse or child argue and ask for more time spent at home when it means taking the minister away from "God's work?"

I am grateful that my husband knows that God's work takes place at home first. Some would say that being a good family man is good for his church work...and I'm sure that is true...but that is not my husband's motivation at all. You see, my husband is a Christian way before he is a minister. How he conducts himself as a minister and his motivations in church work is completely reflective of his relationship with God. He doesn't act a certain way at church because it would be good for the church, he acts a certain way because he believes that is how he should live his life as a follower of Christ. He acts the same at a senior citizen's fellowship as he does when he plays volleyball in his free time (well...not exactly but you know what I mean!). I can say this because I know him better than any one else. I know him when he is full of life, happy and taking things in stride. I know him when he is tired, grumpy and frustrated. And he is still the same guy. He will display those different feelings, but keeps his character in it all.

And he makes us a priority. Now, this does not mean that he is home all of the time and skips out on responsibilities that come from being a minister. Rather, it is how he handles himself that makes those times not a problem for us as a family. I mentioned that today was a busy Sunday. Here is what it looked like: I stayed home from church with our son this morning- my minister husband told me I should skip church because it would be helpful as we are potty training. He wasn't worried that it would look bad to have his wife and son skip church. He leaves around 6:15 and came home around 12:30, normal schedule though he came home a little earlier. After a quick lunch it was nap time for the little guy and I joined in. My husband had to leave for a church event at 3:00, before we woke up and didn't come home until a little before 7:00. We went to the event for a little while. I could have felt like our family was put behind the church today. but I didn't at all. Instead of feeling like he had to do certain things at the event, my husband walked around with us and played with our son. He still got to talk to lots of church members, but he did that while holding his son and involving us in the conversation. As soon as he got home tonight the two of them were together nonstop until it was bedtime. And he was with us for the entirety of Friday and Saturday before that. Not only is it how he includes us while we're together but also because it is not a regular thing for him to spend way more time on church things than with us. Some days or some weeks are busier than others, like all careers or roles, but that just happens. A lot of ministers allow every day, every week to be filled up though because after all, it is God's work.

My husband is wonderful minister to our church, in my opinion, and it has everything to do with what is is based on- his relationship with Christ. He is genuine in his interactions and leadership because of that. He makes it easy for us to be a minister's family, even on Sundays, and for that I am grateful.

He works at a great church for this. The pastor is clear that he expects the church family to understand that the staff of ministers are husbands and fathers first. This is rare and it makes it easier for my husband to balance his time. And many of the church members seem to get this because the ministers have done this balance well.

Thankful Today #20

#20- I am thankful for my husband's commitment to getting healthy

When we were at a youth event, two friends of my husband were discussing their plans to begin a workout starting that Tuesday, the day after Labor Day. My husband had been looking for a workout and some guys to go through it with so he decided to join them. They started meeting at 6 am (!) to do P90X. It is 6 days a week for a total of 90 days and today completes their 90 days. Technically, it has been a week over because they redid the first week to allow some more guys to join in so I guess they did P96X.

I have heard about a lot of people starting P90X but I have rarely ever heard about people completing it. They complain a lot the first 2 weeks and then suddenly nothing is said about the workout (and according to my husband, it doesn't get any easier). So, just the fact that he finished is something to be proud of. They started with 3 guys, added about 7 within the next few weeks and 3 ended up finishing, with one of the guys being one who worked out on his own because of the time. So, my husband and one other guy relied on each other for the majority of the months to meet and keep each other accountable. So I am proud of him for even finishing!

I am proud of his commitment to do this in the right way. First, the guys planned to meet early in the morning so that it wouldn't interfere with the time they spent with their families. That is something to appreciate. Then they met 30 minutes earlier to accommodate some of the guys who wanted to join in. My husband will be the first to say he doesn't wake up early for anything except to go hunting or fishing and that is only a day or two. He hates waking up early. But, he has met at the church for the past 9o days at 5:30 AM! 5:30! A guy who hates waking up early has had is alarm set to go off at 5 am every day since early September. He even did that when he knew no one else would be there. I think the morning I was the proudest of him was when I heard him come back in the house at 5:45. He had forgotten his church keys and none of the other guys were able to be there to let him in. So, even though he knew no one else would be there, he drove home and got his keys and went back up there to work out for an hour. He could have easily gone back to bed and slept that morning but chose to stick with his commitment.

I am proud of him getting healthier. It would have been nicer for him to choose a time that I wasn't pregnant and feeling huge but, oh well. The workouts are known to be intense. I was tired when he just described the warm up! It is a video based program so he really could go easy on himself but one of the things I like about my husband is that if he is going to do something, it won't be half way. He and his buddy have really been pleased with the results and are going to continue the next level of the program, adding in the eating plan. It is easier for him to run in the yard with our son and puppy, he has more energy and just feels good. And he wasn't overweight by most people's standards when he started. He has a renewed desire to maintain the and build on the healthy changes in his body and eat healthier.

He is also being a great example to our son. He usually comes home right around the time J is waking up but sometimes J is up a little earlier. He always knows that Daddy is exercising. J "exercises" at school so he thinks its pretty cool that he and Daddy both do that! It will be a wonderful example as our son gets older to be committed to being healthy. Not to mention that it is a huge motivator to me! I can't do much right now, being pregnant, but I can't let my husband look good and then me not care about my health! So it looks like I'll have to start working out after the baby is born : /.

I am sure I lost most readers by now, but obviously I am really proud of my husband and for his care for his health, I am grateful.

Thankful Today #19

#19- I am thankful for productive days

Looking at the calendar, life is about to get crazy! As soon as we are home from Thanksgiving travels, Christmas celebrations go into full gear. We stay busy during the Christmas season but that is not said as a complaint. There is just so much we enjoy about the time that we try and do as much as possible. During that time, my goal is to finish my online school work that I am doing and each class seems to be getting longer and taking more time. When Christmas is over, we'll be less than two months until our little girl's estimated arrival. So, we decided it was time to get our house in order before it explodes with Christmas decorations, then needs to be made ready for a baby and then will be left ignored once a newborn arrives. We figured this was a good weekend to take care of some tasks and projects.

My husband and I are the type that we get things done by committing to work hard at it in one setting, not dragging a project out. It may not always be the best way to get things done, but it is how we are and we've learned to make it work for us. This weekend is one of those go hard weekends of clearing out and organizing. It feels good at the end of the day to feel closer to our goal.

It isn't the most fun of days, but spending it with my guys made it good after all.

Thankful Today #18

#18- I am thankful for my little girl

I haven't met our baby girl yet, she is due in February. I got to hear her strong heartbeat today and feel her movements regularly. I am so grateful for her health and consistent growth and that thus far it has been a very healthy pregnancy.

I am so excited to meet Miss B. I adore having a little boy and would have been thrilled to have another, but I am overjoyed to have a little girl too. I have a wonderful relationship with my mother and hope to share that with Miss B. I love all of the sweet pink clothes, the bows, the pretty socks and am excited to play dress up!

I can't wait to get to know her and her unique personality. I look forward to watching her grow and for all of the ways she'll make us smile. I even look forward to all of the challenges that I know come with a baby because I also know that the joys far outweigh the hard times. I am excited to see her relationship with her big brother and for the fun we will have watching them together.

So today, I am looking forward to and grateful for my daughter.

Thankful Today #17

#17- I am thankful for my family's health

Tonight my son told me his neck hurt (pointing to where his throat would be) and his ear hurt. So, we are on watch now for signs of sickness in our usually very healthy little boy. I was disappointed for him, sorry that there was a chance he would be sick.

And then I read about a friend of mine who has a little boy close to the age of mine. Her two year old was in an ambulance, after being sick for several days, facing some serious conditions that might require surgery.
And then I read a blog that I follow (Bowen's Heart, mentioned in a past blog). This family finally got to take their 3 month old son home from the hospital for the first time today, knowing there is a future of further surgeries and challenges for him still.
Last night there was a commercial on tv about St. Jude's (I think) and my husband commented about our baby's health. We watched the heartbreaking pictures of the young kids enduring serious physical problems, both agreeing there would be little worse than seeing our own kids in those situations.
I have another family's blog that I have followed for several years, the Kelley's, as they have walked through the diagnosis, treatment and remission of leukemia of their then two year old little boy (who is now a 6 year old).

I am sorry if my little guy is getting to be sick. No mother wants their child to face discomfort. But I am absolutely grateful that this is all he'll have to endure right now. Our little girl is growing strong, all reports are that she is healthy and I'll get to hear her heartbeat tomorrow.

Thankful Today #16

#16- I am thankful for a few extra minutes of sleep

Ever since the fall time change, my son is sleeping past 7 am. Not much past, but past nonetheless! For any mom of a young child, that is valuable! It is a big deal for me because I am someone who enjoys a few minutes of peace before the day begins. Unfortunately, my dog still wants to be let out and fed around 6:30-6:45, which is when she was used to my son getting up (my husband isn't there, he's working out at that time). Even then though, if I haven't already woken up on my own, it means that I have a few minutes to myself. I get to turn on the news, make some hot tea and ease into the morning. That is a luxury that I haven't gotten to enjoy very much over the last 2 and a half years! My son doesn't exactly let us sleep in (and both my husband and I are night people, not the first ones up in the morning) so usually I am stumbling to his room as I hear him wake up and am thrown into the whirlwind of energy that comes with my son from the moment he wakes up.

As soon as I get used to one wake up time, it will change, but for now I am grateful for my son sleeping a little later.

Thankful Today #15

#15- I am thankful for my son

My son is a two and a half year old, 3+ foot, ball of sunshine. He feels my heart with joy. He has a smile that melts you, a laugh that makes your heart dance and energy that will exhaust you.

He can send my head spinning with his questions, frustrate me when he throws fits and takes every bit of energy and time that I have. But the second I am not with him, I miss him. As soon as his eyes are closed to take a nap, my breath is taken away at how precious he looks.

I am amazed by him daily, just because of who he is. He makes me laugh both from his humor and just his simple mannerisms. He makes me smile at his thoughtful comments and I love to watch his imagination come to life. His creativity when playing is amazing to watch and the stories and ideas he tells us are so fun to listen to. His hugs are the best ever. He will go one hundred miles a minute, but still pauses to cuddle. He still thinks everything can be solved with kisses, and wants to make everything better for us. He shows thoughtfulness and sensitivity.

He is growing up so quickly. I wish I could bottle all of these moments and savor them forever. I have enjoyed what is already his past and am excited for his future. He is a precious gift and I am grateful for him.

Thankful Today #12- still thankful

#12- for a better attitude

If you were quick to read Friday's post, or now notice they are out of order, you notice something is different. I ended up having to remove Friday's thankful post because...well, I couldn't be thankful for it after all! But, it led to a different opportunity for gratitude so I am replacing the post.

The original post was for a fun surprise we got...and then I found out it was a scam on Sunday morning. I was so mad. I was mad at myself for falling for it. I am usually good at catching things but this one seemed so legitimate! Before it could get me into trouble I realized something didn't seem right and I did a little research and figured out the scam, but I was still bothered that I believed any part of it. I was really mad at the people behind it. I just don't understand why people are dishonest, cheat or steal. And I was very disappointed that it meant that I couldn't get something for my husband that was going to be a really cool gift. So, needless to say I was bummed. And then my son had an accident right after I found out about the scam after we'd had a really good day of potty training the day before. All of this while not sleeping well the night before. So I was in a BAD mood as we got ready for church.

Which gave me the opportunity for something new to be thankful for. I was thinking to myself that it was too bad that these things had happened that got me in a crummy mood because I was looking forward to this particular Sunday. And that made me stop and reconsider my reaction. I didn't have to be in a bad mood. I didn't have to let the morning's circumstances define my attitude for the day or my time in worship. In fact, I shouldn't. So I stopped and prayed that my heart would instead be focused on God, that he would give me peace about what I was bothered by and my attitude would change to one that was calm and positive. And that happened. I didn't feel bitter and bothered in the service, in fact I was more focused than I had been in a while. I enjoyed the rest of the day, especially the parts I had been looking forward to and it ended up being a great day. It wouldn't have been though, had I stayed bothered and let other things in the day just snowball and add to that bad attitude.

So I was thankful, that I was stopped from continuing my day in a bad mood. I am grateful that God can turn attitudes around, despite circumstances.

Thankful Today #14

#14- for the last 7 weeks at our church

Seven weeks ago we started an focused emphasis at AB Church that concluded with a service last night. The focus was to be more like the church was intended to be, as described in the Bible. Our pastor taught from both the Old and New Testaments about how we were supposed to interact as a community of believers. The focus was particularly on having the generations represented in the congregation interact with each other. The real goal was to remind us that everything we do, we do as a part of a community. Romans 12 is an excellent passage reminding the reader of where their heart should be. In particular, Romans 12:15, addresses what it really is to be a community of believers- "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." It is about relationships with one another that is beyond the superficial. It is loving someone in the good times and in the tough times and walking through life together.

It was a great emphasis that included a sermon series, small groups that had generations mixed, organized activities to blend generational groups, families sharing dinners in each others homes and a concentrated effort to be aware of the people we have around us and to learn from them. The emphasis concluded last night with a special worship service that was wonderful. It was a celebration of who God has made us to be, saving us as individuals but growing together and moved to reminding us what we're then supposed to do together, which is share that salvation, love and unity with everyone else. This was just the conclusion of the focused emphasis but not supposed to be the close of the intentionality and effort. I look forward to the coming months to see where our church has evolved.

I grew up going to church with generations. We often picked my great grandmother up for church, and I sat in a pew with my parents, grandparents and extended family. I had both senior adults and college students who volunteered to teach when I was in the youth group, and was influenced by many adults who taught me as a child. So, I was excited to see this taking place where I attend now. I am grateful for this time we have had together as a church family.

Thankful Today #13

#13- The sweet heart of a child

People talk a lot about the Terrible Twos and that Threes are even worse. I have a two and a half year old right now, so I guess I am in the middle of that. Sure, there are trying times when he is learning lessons and boundaries...but nothing harder than challenges that arise with an infant and probably nothing compared to what is to come. It is just being a parent I think!

What I LOVE about this age though, is I get to hear what he was thinking and some of those thoughts reveal such a tender and precious heart. The Bible speaks clearly about the goodness of a child's faith and I love getting to see what a heart can be like before age begins to change it. It stirs in me a desire to protect and nurture his heart, so that he continues to have that love and kindness, and even more to be an example of that.

Today reminded me how thankful I am for a child's heart, in particularly my child's. We packed a box for Samaritan's Purse's Christmas project- Operation Christmas Child. The idea is to pack a shoebox full of gifts for a child and that box will be one of thousands distributed across the world to kids, along with them hearing the Gospel. The giver chooses the gender and the age range. We chose a boy in the age range of 2-4 so that it would be my son's age group. I bought most of the gifts at a time that he wasn't there but had him help me wrap the box and put in the gifts. I told him the box of gifts was going to a little boy who lives far away who doesn't ever get fun presents and does not have many things. We also talked about this gift being a way we can tell this little boy that Jesus loves him. I was a little concerned that my son would want to play with or keep all of the little gifts, because I chose items that I thought a young boy would like based on what my little boy likes. But, he was so excited to make a present for a little boy that he did not even try to take any of the gifts for himself. He excitedly showed his daddy the box and found a safe place to put it so that our puppy wouldn't step on it. He can't wait to take it to church tomorrow so that we can send it to the little boy!

We're also potty training right now. My son got a bank in the shape of a dog last Christmas from his grandmother and he loves putting coins in it. I was trying to think of a reward for him as we potty trained and came across a stash of coins. So, we have been putting coins in Rufus the puppy bank all day as he has successes on the potty! I figure that it is a lot cheaper to give him coins as he learns than what we spend on diapers! The following conversation didn't happen today but another time that he was putting coins in his bank. I was just reminded of it today as we visited the bank a lot. A few weeks ago, I was telling him how good it is to save money and that one day he could use all of the money he saves for something special. His response- he wants to buy food for kids to eat. I would love to say that I taught him that...but I don't think I did. He heard it somewhere, maybe at school or church or on tv, and it stuck with him. When I clarified what he said, because it was not the answer I was expecting at all, he again said, with excitement, that he wanted to buy food for kids.

Tonight we told him how proud we were that he wanted to send a gift to a little boy and how it makes God happy because he wants us to be happy to give. I thought to myself how hard it is for adults to give up things that they would want so that someone else that they don't know would be able to have something special. I am thankful that my son has a loving heart and will work hard to make sure that continues in his life.

Thankful Today #11

#11- I am thankful for men and women who have served and currently serve in the military

On Veteran's Day it is easy to be reminded of the thousands of soldiers, both veterans and in active duty, who should receive gratitude daily. Today I thought of a few things that I get to enjoy due to someone, at one point in history, fighting to gain and someone still fights to protect:

• Last night I went to the church of my choosing, out in public, with freedom to worship
• A few weeks ago I was able to vote for government leaders of my choosing, without fear of being attacked and knowing the election results would executed with honesty and justice
• I can write a blog or speak in public of my beliefs without being censored or arrested
• My family can walk outside without fear of violence from unrest in my town or an uprising of war

These are things that are so easily taken for granted but I have to remember that there was a point in the United States history when none of these were something that an American could enjoy. There are people in countries across the world who still don't get to experience these freedoms. A soldier in the United States military was charged with the task of allowing his countrymen those freedoms. A soldier in the United States military is charged with the task of making sure his countrymen can keep those freedoms.

I am thankful for the veterans who have been a part of granting these freedoms for us by sacrificing their own life, comforts and well being. I am also thankful for the families who send their soldiers off to protect the nation, despite the hardship it causes for their lives.

Thankful Today #10

#10- I am thankful for changing seasons

I don't exactly live in an area where season changes are quite as distinct as other regions, but I still enjoy the gradual transitions that the world around me goes through.

My favorite is the change to autumn, which is what has initiated my thankfulness today. Just this week I have noticed the trees have begun to take on beautiful shades of yellow, orange and red. My son follows the example of my husband, pointing out the colorful trees to me because they know I love them (actually my son just points out any random tree, it is still cute nonetheless!) Though it is now warm again, the weather cooled for a short period and is supposed to cool again soon. Autumn may be my favorite because it brings relief from sweltering heat, ushers in my favorite holiday seasons and has the prettiest of scenes in nature.

I love season changes in life too, maybe another reason I appreciate the visible transition God puts nature through. I think knowing that times in life are just a season, as Ecclesiastes describes, make it easier to walk through the tougher seasons. Though there are some instances in my life that I would rather not have to go through, it is a comfort to come to the end of the season and see the new life coming with the next one. It makes it where I can learn from the time period, rather than be overwhelmed. And then there are some seasons of relief and peace, giving me time to prepare for whatever may come next.

I have no clue as to the scientific reasons for seasonal changes except something about the earth's revolution around the sun. I can enjoy the benefits though and be thankful that they come.

Thankful Today #9

#9- I am thankful for my husband.

Remember, these aren't in order at all. I promise I am WAY more thankful for him than I am for hot tea!

My husband is who I need. He is the compliment to who I am, makes up for where I lack, stands beside me in everything. He is my greatest encourager and biggest supporter. He believes in me when I don't. He lets me shine without feeling threatened, only proud. He challenges me and listens to me.

He is a person that I respect. I don't use that term easily and it is an important quality to me. His character is solid and he is the same person at home as he is anywhere else, only I think we get the better guy. I can honestly say, I cannot think of a time I have heard him say something to the church congregation that does not line up with how he really lives.

He makes me laugh and smile like no one else can. He represents comfort and security. He is my favorite person to have a conversation with, whether a simple story or thought provoking discussion.

I get to spend my life with my best friend and for that I am grateful.

Thankful Today #8

#8- I am thankful for my church


If you have followed my blog in the past, you know this is something I really value. I truly love being a part of the community of believers at AB Church.


We have been a part of this fellowship for a year and a half and it began to feel like a family from very early on. There was something very right about being a part of ABC, something that could only be orchestrated by God. While we waited to see where we'd go after our previous church was closed, we had to believe that there was something out there that was worth waiting for. We can confidently see that now. After the West Campus, we couldn't go back to just attending a church with a bunch of people. We had been a part of a group that served together, loved one another, stuck out the tough times. Personally, it was a group that meant a lot to my heart. They were the group that treated us as peers even though we were the youngest couple in the congregation, celebrated with us when we found out we were having our son, encouraged us in a thousand different ways and taught us so much through their actions. My husband partnered with one of his best friends and worked with an incredible leadership team that he respected and loved. I didn't think all that could be replaced. And it can't. I still have sweet memories and warm thoughts when I remember those days together.

Then came AB Church. I love this church for a hundred reasons. My husband is on staff with a team that supports and encourages him, gives him freedom to use the gifts God has placed within him and that he loves serving with. As a wife, I am absolutely grateful for that in his life. We have some wonderful friends though this group that welcomed us in immediately. The congregation is very supportive of my husband's leadership and again, his age has not been a problem. He works with a team that not only has a ton of talent but has an incredible heart and within that team he has found some wonderful, encouraging friends. I have gotten the chance to serve again in ways that lift me up. Our son has been loved on and shown so much kindness and he absolutely loves going to church. And this group celebrated with us when we found out that we were having our second child.

But beyond just why it has been good for us, I love ABC for who they are. They are a community. Our pastor says he dislikes the term "volunteer" in the church. People are encouraged to serve within their gifts and that is obvious in how people work together. I again get to see a group working together, not just depending on the staff or leadership to do the work. People are invited into each other's homes and are a part of each other's lives. People can come as they are, recognizing that we are all people with issues in need of God's grace and work in our lives. It is a place where I feel that I can invite anybody, which is how a church should be. In all of that, we are challenged by biblical teaching that does not sway from the tough stuff.

I remember the first Sunday that I had to miss because of our son being sick. I had the feeling of disappointment that I wouldn't get to be there. We'd been a part of the church for a few months and that was a good realization to realize that my heart had started joining this group. Then, just a few days ago someone joked with my husband about another church asking him to work with them and my immediate reaction was that there was no way would I want to leave. Its good to feel that way again.

I am thankful that we get to be a part of ABC.