Jordan's Jots

Mama, Will You Sing...

2011-05-04T22:15:00.000-05:00

This evening was one of those evenings. Here is the series of events:

Battery light comes on in my car. I look in the book and it tells me that the battery is weak. Talk to my husband, he'll take it to get it replaced.
I am in the neighboring city to pick up my son, about 25 minutes from home, and stuff starts going wrong. The radio is going in and out, a/c isn't functioning correctly, ABS light comes on, all as I am turning onto the street to pick up J.
Unload Baby B, pick up J, load Baby B and J back into the car. Turn on the car...well, try to turn on the car. It won't. So I unload Baby B and J and ask our friends for help in jumping the battery.
This was annoying (and I was cursing the book for just saying "weak battery" not "drive at a high speed to the nearest auto shop to change the battery") but not a problem. We were at the house of our very good friends so J kept having fun while they helped us out and I didn't have to risk blowing up my car trying to jump the battery. I was also able to make sure Baby B was fed, which turned out beneficial for all of us. The car started up immediately.
I load the kids back up and start driving home but then realize the computer of my car is not working and I make the turn to take the back way/non interstate way home.
I start getting a little nervous, just wanting to make it home. I make it about 10 minutes and then...well, I don't know what happened but I knew it wasn't okay.
At this point, J is asking to hear one of his favorite songs on the radio and I tell him that it isn't working. So he wants us to sing it. He was also disappointed that I didn't bring his Imagination Movers cd.
It starts getting worse. And worse. And then my car dies. At a huge intersection still about 15 minutes from home.
So now I am sitting with a dead car, waiting for my husband and a police officer. Though I have my caution lights on, apparently in this area of town the caution lights mean start honking loudly and gesturing to the stalled car at the green light. It is starting to get really warm in the car. I am trying to stay calm. I am just waiting for Baby B to start crying. And praying we don't get rear ended. J asks again to sing his favorite song and starts singing in the backseat.
Husband, police officer, and a random man who J called a cowboy show up so we moved to husband's truck while they try to jump the battery again long enough to move it to a nearby parking lot. After a long wait, realizing the battery won't stay charged and there was no way to push it into the parking lot, the car has to be towed away.
So we drove home, having the fun "how much is the going to cost?" discussion with the stress levels a little high and my son again asks for his song, to which we all sing along.

What was this song? It was Matt Redman's "Never Let Go" (though J knows it better as the song his daddy sings on a cd). Here is the chorus J kept singing:
Oh no, you never let go, through the calm and through the storm.
Oh no, you never let go, every high and every low.
Oh no, you never let go,
Lord, you never let go of me.

It was just what I needed in each of those moments, to hear a sweet toddler voice reminding me that God never lets go. It brought a needed peace to the stressful situation: of driving a car that started having issues with my two kids in it, then waiting in a busy intersection in the stalled car with my two kids in it, then worrying about the financial aspects of it all. God is so good in how he takes care of us in all things, even using a song.

And then, after a not so great evening, the dog throws up in the living room. There isn't a song for that. I'm calling it a night.

Stuck on Saturday

2011-04-24T17:16:00.004-05:00

Have you ever thought about Saturday as a part of Holy Week? There are specific discussions in the Bible about other days and churches have services to commemorate those days- the triumphal entry on Palm Sunday, the last supper on Thursday, the crucifixion on Friday and of course the resurrection on Sunday. But what happened on Saturday? What was going on for Jesus' followers on the day after his execution?

We do know a few things: The Bible says Jesus' body was in a sealed and guarded tomb, and his followers had scattered after his arrest and death. Though they had scattered, some of them apparently joined together again after the observance of the Sabbath because the women who discovered the empty tomb told the news to a group of them. Those are the few details that are shared.

I can't imagine what they are feeling. The disciples had given up their lives to follow this man named Jesus, abandoning their careers, facing ridicule, committing the time and minds all because they trusted that he was the Savior and Messiah that was promised to God's people. They were willing to make the sacrifices to follow Jesus because they thought they were following God. But everything they knew and believed changed in a day. They went from celebrating the Passover with their friend on one evening and in less than a day he was arrested, accused of blasphemy, beaten and executed like a dirty criminal. Now their Savior laid in a tomb.

Saturday was the Sabbath which meant no work could be done in observance of the day. Being that the disciples and most of Jesus' followers were Jewish, that meant they were not able to do much besides sit and think. It was supposed to be a day of worship but did they even want to worship God? Did they believe any more? Maybe they were angry, maybe they were confused, maybe scared, mourning, regretful, shocked. Maybe they felt it all. They were confident that they were doing what God wanted in following Jesus and believing him to be the Messiah. But on that Saturday, following God did not look at all like they thought it would, in fact it looked like a gigantic failure.

Have you ever had a "Saturday" like that? You feel so confident that you are in God's plan, or at least you know you are trying to be obedient to him, but then nothing seems to look as though you would think it should. Maybe it doesn't seem like God is answering your prayers. Maybe something painful happens in your life that you wonder why God doesn't prevent. Maybe it feels as though nothing is going right, as much as you are trying.

Take heart, because your Sunday is coming. The disciples too were angry, confused, scared, etc. because, in their minds, the death of their leader and friend what was supposed to happen to the Messiah. Little did they know that God's plan to bring them and all of us salvation required just that and the entire time he was in full control. Not only was God in control of what seemed devastating, but they were about to experience something they could not have even dreamed of. Jesus proved himself to be God in a spectacular way through his resurrection. Had it all been according to their plan, not only would salvation not have come to the world but they would have missed out on being a witness to a glorious miracle.

Whatever your "Saturday" is right now may seem frustrating or confusing. You may be mad at God. You may not feel like worshipping him right now because he isn't responding in the way you think he should. But don't let yourself miss out on something far greater than you could ever dream up for yourself just because of your expectation. Just wait, Sunday is coming.

Identify Yourself

2011-03-30T12:22:00.005-06:00

Now that I have titled this blog, all I can here is a little robotic voice saying "Wall-E" in my head. If you have watched the Disney/Pixar movie Wall-E as much as I have, you would too. My mind has automatically gone to the scene when Eve tells Wall-E to identify himself...anyway, on to the real post.

This post is copied from a blog that I like because it usually makes me literally laugh out loud. It is from the author Jon Acuff who wrote the book Stuff Christians Like and the blog is about the same subject. It is kind of a tongue in cheek, poking fun at yourselves, commentary on how Christians or churches do things. If you have grown up in church, there will be lots of posts that sound very familiar to you. He is also one of my favorite people to follow on Twitter, again causing me to LOL. While the posts are usually meant to be humorous, he posts a serious one each Wednesday meant to encourage the reader in their Christian walk. He actually calls them Serious Wednesday blogs.

With my new book Quitter coming out on May 10, one of the questions I have bouncing around in my head is, “What if it fails?” The Stuff Christians Like book did well and there’s a part of me that fears that Quitter won’t do as well. I know that’s a negative thought, but I want to be honest about what’s bouncing around in my head right now.

Here’s what Daniel told me: “The problem is that we all start off with an identity. It’s who we are and who God made us to be. Then we have some small degree of success and we add that to our identity. That success becomes our identity. So now, when we try something new, we’re not just afraid to fail, we’re afraid to lose our identity. That’s what’s terrifying. That’s why people are afraid to take risks or try new things. It’s not just failure at stake, we think we’re going to lose our identity and that’s overwhelming.”

That mentality is easy to see in a city like Nashville. I have musician friends who released successful first albums and are now afraid to release a second album. Because if success is their identity, if they fail, they’ve lost their entire identity. But I don’t think that’s just something artists struggle with. The truth is, I think on some level must of us wrestle with the temptation to let other things become our identity.

You see this in parents who turn the performance of their kids into their identity. Sometimes parents get crazy with pushing kids in sports or school because more than a soccer goal or a spelling test is at stake. Their identity is up for grabs.

You see this in dating relationships. Sometimes we’re desperate for them not to end for the wrong reasons. With popular song lyrics telling us, “What am I supposed to do, when the best part of me was always you?” it’s so easy to think, “If I lose this boyfriend, I’ll lose my whole identity.”

You see this at work, when someone scraps and fights for a surprisingly small amount of power and politics inside a cubicle. It’s not a bonus at stake or a plaque or a recognition, it’s their identity they’re fighting for.

Over and over again, whether you’re writing a new book, or dating a new girl or applying for a new job, it’s so easy to fall into the trap of “identity addition.”

But that debate is over. You’re identity has been decided. How you perform in a new opportunity will not finalize that. You are a son or daughter of Christ. You are an heir to the throne. No success or failure should become your identity. No rise or fall can determine who you are. And though that feels simple and sometimes even impossible to believe, that is what I remind myself of every day. We are God’s children. And you and I can rest in the truth of that and be bold in the risks we take and the hope we have. Because our identity is not at stake.

To be honest, I was not aware that I was struggling with identity problems until after reading this commentary. But I am. It has been a while I think since I have felt like I had much of an identity besides being a mom. I have been filling out job applications and have to answer those dreaded "List 3 strengths and 3 weaknesses" part of the application or other various "tell us about yourself" questions. I have actually had to ask my husband to describe me so I would know what to answer. I used to look for strategic answers to those questions (I mean seriously, who wants to really answer what you are bad at on something that decides if you will be hired by a company or not). But this time around, I am really not sure how to describe who I am.

To be perfectly clear, I love identifying myself as a mother. There is no role that I have ever or will ever be prouder of than being Mama to my two precious kids. No one can make me feel as good about myself than my little boy because to him my only fault is enforcing naptime. An excited voice calling "Mama!" when I come through the door changes a bad day to good in an instant. Even my 6 week old little girl can make me feel like the most special person in the world when she gives me certain looks. I love that I know my kids and their unique qualities because of the time I spend with them and get to be a large part of the shaping their lives.

But I have kind of lost sight of who I am beyond that. In pondering where I find my identity, I think I used to find it in what was affirmed that I was good at by someone else. When I got commended on school work, or someone paid me a compliment, or an idea was proven to work at a job...that is when I would be able to say "(fill in the blank) is a good quality of mine". I just don't hear that kind of thing often anymore because my life doesn't lend itself to having things to prove what I do well, besides being a good mom. Now I do know I am an "awesome buddy" because my son told me that the other day and that is a pretty cool attribute! I would rather my son think I am an awesome buddy any day than being told I wrote an A quality paper.

So I needed to read the last part of Jon's post, reminding me who I am regardless of affirmations or titles or successes. That identity was bought with a high price and there is nothing I can do to lose it. And at the end of this life, that is the only identity that will matter.

An Adoption Story

2011-03-24T10:08:00.004-06:00

I realized recently that some of the most amazing stories I have heard recently have involved adoptions. I have had a place in my heart that softens when it comes to adoption stories because I believe it is such a beautiful picture of acceptance, redemption and a second chance. A child spends their young life without the most important thing for a child to experience, unconditional love. The child does not have the security of knowing they will forever be a part of a family, that they are wanted, that they have a chance. But an adoption changes all of that: a child suddenly is forever a member of a family with parents and siblings, they are desired, chosen and often fought for, and are given a chance for a new life.

I have had two special families that I am friends with that have recently walked through adoptions and their stories are the ones that I am speaking of above. The first you can read of here. We'll call them the "Bonks". The Mama is a sweet friend of mine who is everything she presents herself to be in the blog: a thoughtful person who is committed to her faith while being a complete goofball who can win a contest of stuffing powdered donuts in her mouth. And she absolutely adores and gives her life to her family. She unfortunately moved away from me almost 2 years ago but has remained that go to friend when I just need to know someone has my back in prayer. Anyway, back to the original post... This family has been through the ringer when it comes to domestic adoptions. As a friend knowing their God given desire to provide a home for children who need one, it has been painful to see the devastations their hearts have had to face. But in the last week they have been able to finalize the second of the adoptions for two kids they have fought relentlessly for. They raised these two for over a year, from when they were both days old, knowing the whole time that the birth families could be given the kids back at any time. It seemed impossible at times for both kids' situations but two miracles happened and they are now in a forever family. These kids weren't wanted and weren't even taken care of before they were born by their birth families but they will never know that. Instead, they have only known life with a family of their two parents and their big brother who completely adore and want them. They both have incredible stories of defying predictions made about them because they have parents who love them and provide them with the relationship they need. And they are a hoot to keep up with now on the blog.

The second family's story can be read about here. These friends are in China as I write this with their new little girl! I met this family, the Longleys, about two years ago and quickly learned about the desire God had put in their hearts to provide a home for a little girl from China. They have waited for a long time for a daughter and their long standing commitment and sacrifices to bring her home is incredible. Several months ago they were presented with Yu Niu Jiao. We now know her as Katie Joy. Katie too was a child that wasn't given a chance in life. She has lived in an orphanage in China since birth and she had her two year birthday this week. The Longleys are over their right now to meet her, complete the adoption and bring her home to a family and church family that is excited to welcome her. In one day she went from being one of many kids that stayed in a crib all day to being a part of a family that has dreamed of her. The stories from their time over their have been unreal. She has not hit most developmental milestones, such as sitting or walking, due to her living conditions. I have a two, almost three, year old. Two year olds should be able to run, jump, laugh, respond to people. It is heart breaking that those are the conditions for countless orphans across the world. She doesn't know how to eat solid foods and had spent so much time on her back that milk had caused painful congestion in her little body. She didn't know how to be loved. But her story has already changed! After just a few days she is army crawling to chase a ball. She is laughing. She is responding to medication to heal her little body. She is being adored by her daddy, mommy and big brother.

Those are amazing stories in themselves. But what is really cool is that the stories get even better. Both families have been able to be an example of unconditional love to people who don't see that. The Bonks did a domestic adoption through a foster to adopt program. They interacted with countless people in the social services realm. People in social services don't typically meet families like the Bonks, rather they see the worst of the worst when it comes to families. Few understood the heart of the Bonks, that they didn't have alterior motives or wouldn't quit when it got hard. They showed goodness and compassion to birth parents. The Bonks were treated ugly by some, but remained kind. They showed a broken system that a family could love kids even though their birth families had chosen not to.

The Longleys have done an international adoption in a country that refuses God. In their few days there, the Longleys have been able to demonstrate unconditional love, a concept that is completely foreign to these people because that is something that is only of God. Because of Katie's needs, the people in China assisting with adoption advised the Longleys to wait until Katie's medical evaluation to finalize the adoption so that they could have the freedom to walk away. That was not even a consideration for the Longleys though, she was their daughter already in their hearts. Their commitment to be Katie's family regardless of her needs was so moving to the workers that it has opened the doors for them to question what was different about the Longleys. As Gene put it, God has more plans for their trip to China than just picking up Katie.

These three kids have been given a second chance at life because loving, sacrificial parents chose them and had a steadfast commitment to bring them into their family. And through that God has been glorified. Sounds pretty incredible doesn't it?

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.

Ephesians 1:4-6

It is. We all have been given a second chance. We are all wanted. We all have the chance for the unacceptable love that is forever. By a loving and sacrificial Father who has chosen us and has a steadfast commitment to bring us into his family. Now that is an amazing story.

A Grown Up?

2011-03-19T09:53:00.003-06:00

It is happening...I am starting to feel like a grown up.

I probably should have come to this realization a while back. After all, I have been a legal adult for over ten years. I have two degrees, I am a homeowner, a parent and a responsible citizen. Most people probably trust me as an adult. I would agree that I have been an adult for several years but being a grown up is on a completely different level.

Why is this? Well, now I have kids. I am not used to saying the plural yet and saying that just adds to my age. You see, I guess my thought was that we can still be that young couple with their first child. But as soon as a second is added, I think the perception of my age is increased.

Also, I am no longer considered the younger one of the group. Most of my friends are in their thirties but no longer look at us as younger. I was always the youngest by several years in most of my jobs and that left me feeling young. But, now people are surprised to hear my age so I am no longer considered the young one. I did not appreciate that as I should have when I was twenty. And teenagers now think of me as old, not just older.

This is the kicker for me...I am almost thirty. Not quite yet (as my son would say), but close enough. My next birthday, in less than two months, will be my...29th. I am in my last year of my twenties. How did that happen? It is a little more traumatic because up until about a week ago I thought I was turning 28. That is not new for me though, I think I have been 28 for the last three birthdays. For my 27th I thought I was turning 28, last year I had it right and this year I just couldn't remember my age again. I had to think about the year I was born to confirm my age! 29 just sounds like a grown up (not old, just grown up). I really thought 25 sounded old when I turned that age (I know, anyone 26 or older is rolling their eyes) but that was just a stepping stone into grownupness.

I am mainly writing this so that when I am 38 and about to turn 39 I can read this and roll my eyes. By that time my oldest will be about to turn 13 so I will be reminded often how old I am anyway.

Thankful Today #22

2010-11-22T19:53:00.002-06:00

#22- I am thankful for my puppy

On June 30, this past summer, we made the crazy decision to drive over an hour away to look at a little bloodhound puppy at a rescue shelter. We went to see a specific girl but she was a part of a large litter that had been abandoned. They were all together on a fenced in patio and when we saw her, we knew she was our Molly. All of the puppies were about 4 1/2 months old and adorable. They came running to see us, jumping on the fence and barking excitedly. And then there was a sweet red haired puppy who waited sweetly for her siblings to get done jumping around and go off and play and she walked over and looked up at us with her sweet, dark eyes. She stole my husband's heart at that moment. She just happened to also be the one we saw in the picture on a website and came to see specifically.

Molly is a wonderful puppy, we could not have asked for better. She is huge, at least 60+ pounds and is 9 months old. She is a lot of fun to play with and still has a puppy personality in the yard. But she can also be very calm and relaxed and obedient, not at all like a puppy. She is amazing with our busy two year old who is not always good with boundaries. She has never acted out at him, though he has deserved it plenty of times. He loves her and she seems to like, or at least tolerate, him. Actually, they are really becoming buddies. He looks for her first thing in the morning and she looks for him. Usually she barrels into his room when I open the door and about gets in his bed, covering him with kisses. She loves attention and wants to be wherever we are. She has also figured out quickly how to be a princess, finding the most comfortable spot in the room. If there is a blanket or pillow left around, she will be on it.

My husband has wanted a dog for a long time (as have I) and she has been exactly right. Sure she drools, but she is a hound dog. I love that we were able to help a dog that had a really bad start in life and provide her with a home. She is our pound puppy and I am grateful for her.

Thankful Today #21

2010-11-21T22:11:00.001-06:00

#21- I am thankful for my husband as a minister

Note that this is written on a Sunday, a very busy Sunday at that. So, that should show just how well my husband does at balancing ministry and family.

I think most ministers would say that their family is priority to them...but unfortunately a lot don't show that. I have been in church all of my life, have been involved in leadership either through my husband or me for several years, worked at and attended a seminary with pastors or pastors to be, so I feel like I have been around a lot of ministers. It is easy for one to say that the church never comes before family, but then I don't know how many I have seen not match that. It is hard to say no to things that seem like it would be good work. How does a spouse or child argue and ask for more time spent at home when it means taking the minister away from "God's work?"

I am grateful that my husband knows that God's work takes place at home first. Some would say that being a good family man is good for his church work...and I'm sure that is true...but that is not my husband's motivation at all. You see, my husband is a Christian way before he is a minister. How he conducts himself as a minister and his motivations in church work is completely reflective of his relationship with God. He doesn't act a certain way at church because it would be good for the church, he acts a certain way because he believes that is how he should live his life as a follower of Christ. He acts the same at a senior citizen's fellowship as he does when he plays volleyball in his free time (well...not exactly but you know what I mean!). I can say this because I know him better than any one else. I know him when he is full of life, happy and taking things in stride. I know him when he is tired, grumpy and frustrated. And he is still the same guy. He will display those different feelings, but keeps his character in it all.

And he makes us a priority. Now, this does not mean that he is home all of the time and skips out on responsibilities that come from being a minister. Rather, it is how he handles himself that makes those times not a problem for us as a family. I mentioned that today was a busy Sunday. Here is what it looked like: I stayed home from church with our son this morning- my minister husband told me I should skip church because it would be helpful as we are potty training. He wasn't worried that it would look bad to have his wife and son skip church. He leaves around 6:15 and came home around 12:30, normal schedule though he came home a little earlier. After a quick lunch it was nap time for the little guy and I joined in. My husband had to leave for a church event at 3:00, before we woke up and didn't come home until a little before 7:00. We went to the event for a little while. I could have felt like our family was put behind the church today. but I didn't at all. Instead of feeling like he had to do certain things at the event, my husband walked around with us and played with our son. He still got to talk to lots of church members, but he did that while holding his son and involving us in the conversation. As soon as he got home tonight the two of them were together nonstop until it was bedtime. And he was with us for the entirety of Friday and Saturday before that. Not only is it how he includes us while we're together but also because it is not a regular thing for him to spend way more time on church things than with us. Some days or some weeks are busier than others, like all careers or roles, but that just happens. A lot of ministers allow every day, every week to be filled up though because after all, it is God's work.

My husband is wonderful minister to our church, in my opinion, and it has everything to do with what is is based on- his relationship with Christ. He is genuine in his interactions and leadership because of that. He makes it easy for us to be a minister's family, even on Sundays, and for that I am grateful.

He works at a great church for this. The pastor is clear that he expects the church family to understand that the staff of ministers are husbands and fathers first. This is rare and it makes it easier for my husband to balance his time. And many of the church members seem to get this because the ministers have done this balance well.

Thankful Today #20

2010-11-20T07:57:00.002-06:00

#20- I am thankful for my husband's commitment to getting healthy

When we were at a youth event, two friends of my husband were discussing their plans to begin a workout starting that Tuesday, the day after Labor Day. My husband had been looking for a workout and some guys to go through it with so he decided to join them. They started meeting at 6 am (!) to do P90X. It is 6 days a week for a total of 90 days and today completes their 90 days. Technically, it has been a week over because they redid the first week to allow some more guys to join in so I guess they did P96X.

I have heard about a lot of people starting P90X but I have rarely ever heard about people completing it. They complain a lot the first 2 weeks and then suddenly nothing is said about the workout (and according to my husband, it doesn't get any easier). So, just the fact that he finished is something to be proud of. They started with 3 guys, added about 7 within the next few weeks and 3 ended up finishing, with one of the guys being one who worked out on his own because of the time. So, my husband and one other guy relied on each other for the majority of the months to meet and keep each other accountable. So I am proud of him for even finishing!

I am proud of his commitment to do this in the right way. First, the guys planned to meet early in the morning so that it wouldn't interfere with the time they spent with their families. That is something to appreciate. Then they met 30 minutes earlier to accommodate some of the guys who wanted to join in. My husband will be the first to say he doesn't wake up early for anything except to go hunting or fishing and that is only a day or two. He hates waking up early. But, he has met at the church for the past 9o days at 5:30 AM! 5:30! A guy who hates waking up early has had is alarm set to go off at 5 am every day since early September. He even did that when he knew no one else would be there. I think the morning I was the proudest of him was when I heard him come back in the house at 5:45. He had forgotten his church keys and none of the other guys were able to be there to let him in. So, even though he knew no one else would be there, he drove home and got his keys and went back up there to work out for an hour. He could have easily gone back to bed and slept that morning but chose to stick with his commitment.

I am proud of him getting healthier. It would have been nicer for him to choose a time that I wasn't pregnant and feeling huge but, oh well. The workouts are known to be intense. I was tired when he just described the warm up! It is a video based program so he really could go easy on himself but one of the things I like about my husband is that if he is going to do something, it won't be half way. He and his buddy have really been pleased with the results and are going to continue the next level of the program, adding in the eating plan. It is easier for him to run in the yard with our son and puppy, he has more energy and just feels good. And he wasn't overweight by most people's standards when he started. He has a renewed desire to maintain the and build on the healthy changes in his body and eat healthier.

He is also being a great example to our son. He usually comes home right around the time J is waking up but sometimes J is up a little earlier. He always knows that Daddy is exercising. J "exercises" at school so he thinks its pretty cool that he and Daddy both do that! It will be a wonderful example as our son gets older to be committed to being healthy. Not to mention that it is a huge motivator to me! I can't do much right now, being pregnant, but I can't let my husband look good and then me not care about my health! So it looks like I'll have to start working out after the baby is born : /.

I am sure I lost most readers by now, but obviously I am really proud of my husband and for his care for his health, I am grateful.

Thankful Today #19

2010-11-19T23:26:00.000-06:00

#19- I am thankful for productive days

Looking at the calendar, life is about to get crazy! As soon as we are home from Thanksgiving travels, Christmas celebrations go into full gear. We stay busy during the Christmas season but that is not said as a complaint. There is just so much we enjoy about the time that we try and do as much as possible. During that time, my goal is to finish my online school work that I am doing and each class seems to be getting longer and taking more time. When Christmas is over, we'll be less than two months until our little girl's estimated arrival. So, we decided it was time to get our house in order before it explodes with Christmas decorations, then needs to be made ready for a baby and then will be left ignored once a newborn arrives. We figured this was a good weekend to take care of some tasks and projects.

My husband and I are the type that we get things done by committing to work hard at it in one setting, not dragging a project out. It may not always be the best way to get things done, but it is how we are and we've learned to make it work for us. This weekend is one of those go hard weekends of clearing out and organizing. It feels good at the end of the day to feel closer to our goal.

It isn't the most fun of days, but spending it with my guys made it good after all.

Thankful Today #18

2010-11-18T22:16:00.001-06:00

#18- I am thankful for my little girl

I haven't met our baby girl yet, she is due in February. I got to hear her strong heartbeat today and feel her movements regularly. I am so grateful for her health and consistent growth and that thus far it has been a very healthy pregnancy.

I am so excited to meet Miss B. I adore having a little boy and would have been thrilled to have another, but I am overjoyed to have a little girl too. I have a wonderful relationship with my mother and hope to share that with Miss B. I love all of the sweet pink clothes, the bows, the pretty socks and am excited to play dress up!

I can't wait to get to know her and her unique personality. I look forward to watching her grow and for all of the ways she'll make us smile. I even look forward to all of the challenges that I know come with a baby because I also know that the joys far outweigh the hard times. I am excited to see her relationship with her big brother and for the fun we will have watching them together.

So today, I am looking forward to and grateful for my daughter.

Thankful Today #17

2010-11-17T23:17:00.002-06:00

#17- I am thankful for my family's health

Tonight my son told me his neck hurt (pointing to where his throat would be) and his ear hurt. So, we are on watch now for signs of sickness in our usually very healthy little boy. I was disappointed for him, sorry that there was a chance he would be sick.

And then I read about a friend of mine who has a little boy close to the age of mine. Her two year old was in an ambulance, after being sick for several days, facing some serious conditions that might require surgery.
And then I read a blog that I follow (Bowen's Heart, mentioned in a past blog). This family finally got to take their 3 month old son home from the hospital for the first time today, knowing there is a future of further surgeries and challenges for him still.
Last night there was a commercial on tv about St. Jude's (I think) and my husband commented about our baby's health. We watched the heartbreaking pictures of the young kids enduring serious physical problems, both agreeing there would be little worse than seeing our own kids in those situations.
I have another family's blog that I have followed for several years, the Kelley's, as they have walked through the diagnosis, treatment and remission of leukemia of their then two year old little boy (who is now a 6 year old).

I am sorry if my little guy is getting to be sick. No mother wants their child to face discomfort. But I am absolutely grateful that this is all he'll have to endure right now. Our little girl is growing strong, all reports are that she is healthy and I'll get to hear her heartbeat tomorrow.

Thankful Today #16

2010-11-16T22:58:00.000-06:00

#16- I am thankful for a few extra minutes of sleep

Ever since the fall time change, my son is sleeping past 7 am. Not much past, but past nonetheless! For any mom of a young child, that is valuable! It is a big deal for me because I am someone who enjoys a few minutes of peace before the day begins. Unfortunately, my dog still wants to be let out and fed around 6:30-6:45, which is when she was used to my son getting up (my husband isn't there, he's working out at that time). Even then though, if I haven't already woken up on my own, it means that I have a few minutes to myself. I get to turn on the news, make some hot tea and ease into the morning. That is a luxury that I haven't gotten to enjoy very much over the last 2 and a half years! My son doesn't exactly let us sleep in (and both my husband and I are night people, not the first ones up in the morning) so usually I am stumbling to his room as I hear him wake up and am thrown into the whirlwind of energy that comes with my son from the moment he wakes up.

As soon as I get used to one wake up time, it will change, but for now I am grateful for my son sleeping a little later.

Thankful Today #15

2010-11-15T22:15:00.000-06:00

#15- I am thankful for my son

My son is a two and a half year old, 3+ foot, ball of sunshine. He feels my heart with joy. He has a smile that melts you, a laugh that makes your heart dance and energy that will exhaust you.

He can send my head spinning with his questions, frustrate me when he throws fits and takes every bit of energy and time that I have. But the second I am not with him, I miss him. As soon as his eyes are closed to take a nap, my breath is taken away at how precious he looks.

I am amazed by him daily, just because of who he is. He makes me laugh both from his humor and just his simple mannerisms. He makes me smile at his thoughtful comments and I love to watch his imagination come to life. His creativity when playing is amazing to watch and the stories and ideas he tells us are so fun to listen to. His hugs are the best ever. He will go one hundred miles a minute, but still pauses to cuddle. He still thinks everything can be solved with kisses, and wants to make everything better for us. He shows thoughtfulness and sensitivity.

He is growing up so quickly. I wish I could bottle all of these moments and savor them forever. I have enjoyed what is already his past and am excited for his future. He is a precious gift and I am grateful for him.

Thankful Today #12- still thankful

2010-11-15T07:57:00.000-06:00

#12- for a better attitude

If you were quick to read Friday's post, or now notice they are out of order, you notice something is different. I ended up having to remove Friday's thankful post because...well, I couldn't be thankful for it after all! But, it led to a different opportunity for gratitude so I am replacing the post.

The original post was for a fun surprise we got...and then I found out it was a scam on Sunday morning. I was so mad. I was mad at myself for falling for it. I am usually good at catching things but this one seemed so legitimate! Before it could get me into trouble I realized something didn't seem right and I did a little research and figured out the scam, but I was still bothered that I believed any part of it. I was really mad at the people behind it. I just don't understand why people are dishonest, cheat or steal. And I was very disappointed that it meant that I couldn't get something for my husband that was going to be a really cool gift. So, needless to say I was bummed. And then my son had an accident right after I found out about the scam after we'd had a really good day of potty training the day before. All of this while not sleeping well the night before. So I was in a BAD mood as we got ready for church.

Which gave me the opportunity for something new to be thankful for. I was thinking to myself that it was too bad that these things had happened that got me in a crummy mood because I was looking forward to this particular Sunday. And that made me stop and reconsider my reaction. I didn't have to be in a bad mood. I didn't have to let the morning's circumstances define my attitude for the day or my time in worship. In fact, I shouldn't. So I stopped and prayed that my heart would instead be focused on God, that he would give me peace about what I was bothered by and my attitude would change to one that was calm and positive. And that happened. I didn't feel bitter and bothered in the service, in fact I was more focused than I had been in a while. I enjoyed the rest of the day, especially the parts I had been looking forward to and it ended up being a great day. It wouldn't have been though, had I stayed bothered and let other things in the day just snowball and add to that bad attitude.

So I was thankful, that I was stopped from continuing my day in a bad mood. I am grateful that God can turn attitudes around, despite circumstances.

Thankful Today #14

2010-11-14T21:27:00.000-06:00

#14- for the last 7 weeks at our church

Seven weeks ago we started an focused emphasis at AB Church that concluded with a service last night. The focus was to be more like the church was intended to be, as described in the Bible. Our pastor taught from both the Old and New Testaments about how we were supposed to interact as a community of believers. The focus was particularly on having the generations represented in the congregation interact with each other. The real goal was to remind us that everything we do, we do as a part of a community. Romans 12 is an excellent passage reminding the reader of where their heart should be. In particular, Romans 12:15, addresses what it really is to be a community of believers- "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." It is about relationships with one another that is beyond the superficial. It is loving someone in the good times and in the tough times and walking through life together.

It was a great emphasis that included a sermon series, small groups that had generations mixed, organized activities to blend generational groups, families sharing dinners in each others homes and a concentrated effort to be aware of the people we have around us and to learn from them. The emphasis concluded last night with a special worship service that was wonderful. It was a celebration of who God has made us to be, saving us as individuals but growing together and moved to reminding us what we're then supposed to do together, which is share that salvation, love and unity with everyone else. This was just the conclusion of the focused emphasis but not supposed to be the close of the intentionality and effort. I look forward to the coming months to see where our church has evolved.

I grew up going to church with generations. We often picked my great grandmother up for church, and I sat in a pew with my parents, grandparents and extended family. I had both senior adults and college students who volunteered to teach when I was in the youth group, and was influenced by many adults who taught me as a child. So, I was excited to see this taking place where I attend now. I am grateful for this time we have had together as a church family.

Thankful Today #13

2010-11-13T18:48:00.002-06:00

#13- The sweet heart of a child

People talk a lot about the Terrible Twos and that Threes are even worse. I have a two and a half year old right now, so I guess I am in the middle of that. Sure, there are trying times when he is learning lessons and boundaries...but nothing harder than challenges that arise with an infant and probably nothing compared to what is to come. It is just being a parent I think!

What I LOVE about this age though, is I get to hear what he was thinking and some of those thoughts reveal such a tender and precious heart. The Bible speaks clearly about the goodness of a child's faith and I love getting to see what a heart can be like before age begins to change it. It stirs in me a desire to protect and nurture his heart, so that he continues to have that love and kindness, and even more to be an example of that.

Today reminded me how thankful I am for a child's heart, in particularly my child's. We packed a box for Samaritan's Purse's Christmas project- Operation Christmas Child. The idea is to pack a shoebox full of gifts for a child and that box will be one of thousands distributed across the world to kids, along with them hearing the Gospel. The giver chooses the gender and the age range. We chose a boy in the age range of 2-4 so that it would be my son's age group. I bought most of the gifts at a time that he wasn't there but had him help me wrap the box and put in the gifts. I told him the box of gifts was going to a little boy who lives far away who doesn't ever get fun presents and does not have many things. We also talked about this gift being a way we can tell this little boy that Jesus loves him. I was a little concerned that my son would want to play with or keep all of the little gifts, because I chose items that I thought a young boy would like based on what my little boy likes. But, he was so excited to make a present for a little boy that he did not even try to take any of the gifts for himself. He excitedly showed his daddy the box and found a safe place to put it so that our puppy wouldn't step on it. He can't wait to take it to church tomorrow so that we can send it to the little boy!

We're also potty training right now. My son got a bank in the shape of a dog last Christmas from his grandmother and he loves putting coins in it. I was trying to think of a reward for him as we potty trained and came across a stash of coins. So, we have been putting coins in Rufus the puppy bank all day as he has successes on the potty! I figure that it is a lot cheaper to give him coins as he learns than what we spend on diapers! The following conversation didn't happen today but another time that he was putting coins in his bank. I was just reminded of it today as we visited the bank a lot. A few weeks ago, I was telling him how good it is to save money and that one day he could use all of the money he saves for something special. His response- he wants to buy food for kids to eat. I would love to say that I taught him that...but I don't think I did. He heard it somewhere, maybe at school or church or on tv, and it stuck with him. When I clarified what he said, because it was not the answer I was expecting at all, he again said, with excitement, that he wanted to buy food for kids.

Tonight we told him how proud we were that he wanted to send a gift to a little boy and how it makes God happy because he wants us to be happy to give. I thought to myself how hard it is for adults to give up things that they would want so that someone else that they don't know would be able to have something special. I am thankful that my son has a loving heart and will work hard to make sure that continues in his life.

Thankful Today #11

2010-11-11T22:09:00.002-06:00

#11- I am thankful for men and women who have served and currently serve in the military

On Veteran's Day it is easy to be reminded of the thousands of soldiers, both veterans and in active duty, who should receive gratitude daily. Today I thought of a few things that I get to enjoy due to someone, at one point in history, fighting to gain and someone still fights to protect:

Last night I went to the church of my choosing, out in public, with freedom to worship
A few weeks ago I was able to vote for government leaders of my choosing, without fear of being attacked and knowing the election results would executed with honesty and justice
I can write a blog or speak in public of my beliefs without being censored or arrested
My family can walk outside without fear of violence from unrest in my town or an uprising of war

These are things that are so easily taken for granted but I have to remember that there was a point in the United States history when none of these were something that an American could enjoy. There are people in countries across the world who still don't get to experience these freedoms. A soldier in the United States military was charged with the task of allowing his countrymen those freedoms. A soldier in the United States military is charged with the task of making sure his countrymen can keep those freedoms.

I am thankful for the veterans who have been a part of granting these freedoms for us by sacrificing their own life, comforts and well being. I am also thankful for the families who send their soldiers off to protect the nation, despite the hardship it causes for their lives.

Thankful Today #10

2010-11-10T21:33:00.001-06:00

#10- I am thankful for changing seasons

I don't exactly live in an area where season changes are quite as distinct as other regions, but I still enjoy the gradual transitions that the world around me goes through.

My favorite is the change to autumn, which is what has initiated my thankfulness today. Just this week I have noticed the trees have begun to take on beautiful shades of yellow, orange and red. My son follows the example of my husband, pointing out the colorful trees to me because they know I love them (actually my son just points out any random tree, it is still cute nonetheless!) Though it is now warm again, the weather cooled for a short period and is supposed to cool again soon. Autumn may be my favorite because it brings relief from sweltering heat, ushers in my favorite holiday seasons and has the prettiest of scenes in nature.

I love season changes in life too, maybe another reason I appreciate the visible transition God puts nature through. I think knowing that times in life are just a season, as Ecclesiastes describes, make it easier to walk through the tougher seasons. Though there are some instances in my life that I would rather not have to go through, it is a comfort to come to the end of the season and see the new life coming with the next one. It makes it where I can learn from the time period, rather than be overwhelmed. And then there are some seasons of relief and peace, giving me time to prepare for whatever may come next.

I have no clue as to the scientific reasons for seasonal changes except something about the earth's revolution around the sun. I can enjoy the benefits though and be thankful that they come.

Thankful Today #9

2010-11-09T22:37:00.000-06:00

#9- I am thankful for my husband.

Remember, these aren't in order at all. I promise I am WAY more thankful for him than I am for hot tea!

My husband is who I need. He is the compliment to who I am, makes up for where I lack, stands beside me in everything. He is my greatest encourager and biggest supporter. He believes in me when I don't. He lets me shine without feeling threatened, only proud. He challenges me and listens to me.

He is a person that I respect. I don't use that term easily and it is an important quality to me. His character is solid and he is the same person at home as he is anywhere else, only I think we get the better guy. I can honestly say, I cannot think of a time I have heard him say something to the church congregation that does not line up with how he really lives.

He makes me laugh and smile like no one else can. He represents comfort and security. He is my favorite person to have a conversation with, whether a simple story or thought provoking discussion.

I get to spend my life with my best friend and for that I am grateful.

Thankful Today #8

2010-11-08T21:55:00.003-06:00

#8- I am thankful for my church

If you have followed my blog in the past, you know this is something I really value. I truly love being a part of the community of believers at AB Church.

We have been a part of this fellowship for a year and a half and it began to feel like a family from very early on. There was something very right about being a part of ABC, something that could only be orchestrated by God. While we waited to see where we'd go after our previous church was closed, we had to believe that there was something out there that was worth waiting for. We can confidently see that now. After the West Campus, we couldn't go back to just attending a church with a bunch of people. We had been a part of a group that served together, loved one another, stuck out the tough times. Personally, it was a group that meant a lot to my heart. They were the group that treated us as peers even though we were the youngest couple in the congregation, celebrated with us when we found out we were having our son, encouraged us in a thousand different ways and taught us so much through their actions. My husband partnered with one of his best friends and worked with an incredible leadership team that he respected and loved. I didn't think all that could be replaced. And it can't. I still have sweet memories and warm thoughts when I remember those days together.

Then came AB Church. I love this church for a hundred reasons. My husband is on staff with a team that supports and encourages him, gives him freedom to use the gifts God has placed within him and that he loves serving with. As a wife, I am absolutely grateful for that in his life. We have some wonderful friends though this group that welcomed us in immediately. The congregation is very supportive of my husband's leadership and again, his age has not been a problem. He works with a team that not only has a ton of talent but has an incredible heart and within that team he has found some wonderful, encouraging friends. I have gotten the chance to serve again in ways that lift me up. Our son has been loved on and shown so much kindness and he absolutely loves going to church. And this group celebrated with us when we found out that we were having our second child.

But beyond just why it has been good for us, I love ABC for who they are. They are a community. Our pastor says he dislikes the term "volunteer" in the church. People are encouraged to serve within their gifts and that is obvious in how people work together. I again get to see a group working together, not just depending on the staff or leadership to do the work. People are invited into each other's homes and are a part of each other's lives. People can come as they are, recognizing that we are all people with issues in need of God's grace and work in our lives. It is a place where I feel that I can invite anybody, which is how a church should be. In all of that, we are challenged by biblical teaching that does not sway from the tough stuff.

I remember the first Sunday that I had to miss because of our son being sick. I had the feeling of disappointment that I wouldn't get to be there. We'd been a part of the church for a few months and that was a good realization to realize that my heart had started joining this group. Then, just a few days ago someone joked with my husband about another church asking him to work with them and my immediate reaction was that there was no way would I want to leave. Its good to feel that way again.

I am thankful that we get to be a part of ABC.

Thankful Today #7

2010-11-07T20:41:00.002-06:00

#7- I am thankful for hot tea

Okay, this may seem like kind of a lame thing to be thankful for in the grand scheme of life...and well, it is, but I am thankful for it nonetheless!

I have been drinking hot tea for as long as I can remember. I don't drink coffee (unless it is a fancy one filled with sugar and chocolate and things that make it not taste like coffee) but I do like apple cider, just not as much as hot tea. There are flavors I enjoy well enough but what I really prefer is Lipton's regular brew with sugar. That is it, nothing fancy! Other tea lovers probably are more cultured than I am, using loose leaf or finding special flavors or knowing the perfect brew time and temperature, but I am perfectly content with my microwaved cup of water with a tea bag dunked for as long as it takes for me to remember to come back to add the sugar. Usually I have to reheat it. But I know when I have a good mug of tea. My husband always gives me a strange look when I declare that out loud when I take a first sip. He so doesn't get it. He has the nerve to call it hot, brown, sugar water.

It is so much more than a warm drink that has a flavor that I like. It is a comfort. Drinking tea is full of memories. It is something I share with my mom and my sister and something that reminds me of both of my grandmothers. One of my favorite gifts I have ever recieved was Mrs. Tea (basically, like a coffee maker that brews a teapot of tea and keeps it warm). My mom, sister and I got it from my grandmother as a Christmas gift and we have used it for years. It was discontinued but one Christmas, my dad surprised me with my own Mrs. Tea that he found on Ebay. My mom, sister and I still always have mugs of tea when I spend time with my family. When one of us is making a mug for ourselves we offer to heat up a mug for the others. I still even have my favorite mug to drink from at my parents' house. It is a Suzy Zoo mug that she got for me before the first day of school when I was still in high school. At Christmastime we always drink out of the Christmas mugs, you just have to.

I almost always start my day with a mug of tea (notice I don't say cup, those teacups are just too tiny). I often have a mug when I am winding down and there are times I will have it in the middle of the day! It doesn't matter the season or temperature (though my consumption is definitely increased when it is cold or rainy). Pregnancy is throwing a kink into my hot tea enjoyment because decaf just isn't as good as the real stuff...but I still savor it. I am honestly bummed when I reach the end of the mug and would drink a lot more if the calories from the sugar didn't get me.

So you see, it is so much more than a favorite drink. It is an experience, a cup of memories and thoughts of my family and a pleasure. So I am thankful for hot tea.

Thankful Today #6

2010-11-07T15:34:00.001-06:00

Sorry this is a day late

#6- Thankful for the time my guys have together

Saturday was an unusual day for me in that I had multiple events that my husband and son didn't go to with me. I had a luncheon and right before that, dinner plans were made for that evening to celebrate a friend's belated birthday. So, there was plenty of guy time for my two. The lunch time involved naptime for the little guy but the evening time involved eating Chicken Express (their favorite, not mine), playing outside and watching football. J was in bed by the time I got home but I got plenty of stories this morning about the fun he had with Daddy last night.

Someone asked at church this morning if J was at the age where he wanted me all of the time and I said "absolutely not, Daddy is the absolute coolest person in his world." But I don't say that with jealousy or bitterness at all. I LOVE that my son cannot get enough of the time he spends with his daddy and that he wants to be just like him. He mimics the actions Daddy does, repeats what he says and constantly talks about him. I am absolutely grateful that it is a good thing for my son to want to be like his daddy. I couldn't think of someone with better character, demonstration of faith and kindness to be the main example for my son as he learns to be a man of God. I know that is not the case for a lot of families in our world and it is something that I should and do have great appreciation for.

The cool thing is not only does my son adore my husband, but my husband adores my son even more. He loves his time with J and makes a very consistent effort to make sure he allows for plenty of time with him. If it will be a particularly full Tuesday away from the house, then my husband makes sure there is extra time on Monday or Wednesday to be with J and he is fully participating when they are together. They wrestle and rough house and do everything active boys do, but spend just as much time snuggled in the recliner reading a story together. He looks for ways to share experiences with J, not just the things my husband likes to do but will figure out the things that a 2 year old would value doing. There is no part of parenting that he is not fully involved in. He takes his role as J's father very seriously but loves every part of it, even the hard stuff because it is a part of getting to be J's father.

I am absolutely thankful that my son and husband adore one another and for how they enjoy their time together.

Thankful Today #5

2010-11-05T22:20:00.000-06:00

#5- I am thankful for Fridays

Fridays are my favorite day of the week, without question. My husband gets Fridays off because he works on Sundays and I have tried to not schedule things on Fridays so that we have time together as a family. Things come up of course but we really try to protect that day and it has become our day of relaxing together. It is nice having a day off that is different from a lot of people because we are able to avoid having events planned like there always seem to be on Saturdays and Sundays. They are usually a great time for us to connect and rejuvenate after the week.
Today was no exception. It started way too early with the little boy waking up at 5:50. He made the request for Daddy to bring breakfast tacos home after he finished exercising and of course Daddy obliged! We got some cleaning done together, all while listening to music and watching a two year old dance around the living room. He also "helped" sweep and everything seems to be more fun with his involvement. We then tried a new place in town for lunch and the afternoon was a quiet one, trying to make sure our little guy got a nap. This evening we went to the last home game for our local high school's football team, which we love doing as a family. It was a chilly night so it was perfect for snuggling under the blanket. Add on being given a foam finger and souvenier football and there was a very happy toddler.
Fridays are our break and retreat. And for those days, I am thankful.

Thankful Today #4

2010-11-04T22:22:00.000-06:00

#4- I am thankful for my home.

I have a house and yard that I am unbelievably grateful for. Ours is a wonderful house for us. It is just the right size, is incredibly nice and has a back yard that is perfect for a little boy and a puppy to run around in. But I should be grateful for four walls on a stable foundation with a roof in a neighborhood that is safe, because a lot of people don't have that. And I am, extremely grateful.

But that is not what I am talking about when I say I am thankful for my home. When I say home, I mean what I find rest in each day. It is the place where I hear "Mama!!!" when I walk into the door, the place where I find peace, security and confidence, the place where I can be in my worst moods and best moods and still be loved the same. It is where my husband and my son are. And I am grateful for that place.

Thankful Today #3

2010-11-03T20:34:00.000-06:00

#3- I am thankful for the sweet, simple moments that made me smile today

I have been in kind of a down mood. Probably because I am 5+ months pregnant and sleeping is becoming less and less comfortable, causing me to be permanently tired. It is easy for me to get in a funk and let certain things get me down. So, I have been particularly glad for this blog project today because it caused me to appreciate things more.

Like this morning-
My husband got home from working out and our toddler was still asleep. He went to get cleaned up and the dog had already woken me up to go out and to eat so I went back to bed to watch the news (I don't normally get to do that because my son is usually the one who wakes me up and I don't watch regular television with him). Soon though, a smiling little sleepyhead walked down the hall and climbed into bed with me. He was greeted with the surprise of donuts that Daddy brought home and milk, quite the treat! Soon all three of us were settled into bed, eating donuts and sausage kolaches, watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Then our "puppy" decided to figure out how to jump up on the bed. Our 65 pound, all legs, bloodhound puppy joined us in bed. The combination of an active two year old and huge puppy was more chaos than anything else but it sure made me smile.

This afternoon-
The sun came out. It was cloudy and rainy for the entire day yesterday and for all of this morning with a significant drop in temperature. It was glooooomy. So, it sure was nice this afternoon to look outside and see the sunshine. Now it is a beautiful sunny evening with cool temperatures.

This evening-
Just watching my son eat spaghetti was something that made me smile. He was just so cute eating it and then his messy face afterwards was pretty adorable.

So today, I am thankful that everyday there are little things in my life that make me smile.

***I had to come back and add another smile:
My little boy and I were reading a book together (he loves to read books with us). He wanted to read it again, after I finished, so I asked him to read to me. He said "you nuggle me and I read to you". So, I snuggled my little boy as he read his favorite Dr. Seuss book to me. The page read "BIG O, little o, what begins with O? Ostrich, oil, orange owl. O...o...O" and had a picture of an ostrich pouring oil from a can on an orange owl's head (don't ask me, its Dr. Seuss. He's weird). My son's interpretation of that page was "bird pouring apple juice on his head. We then read several more books while snuggling on the couch. As we finished one, he'd run to his bookshelf and get another and climb back in my laugh.
I am thankful.

Thankful Today #2

2010-11-02T11:53:00.002-06:00

#2- I have the opportunity to vote in an election today and I was raised to see this as an important responsibility.

It can be hard to convince someone of the importance of exercising their right to vote. It is very easy to think that one person's vote really is not that important amongst thousands. I personally think that can be argued, but that shouldn't even be the reason someone votes. The reason we as Americans should vote is because we CAN. We have the right to do what millions of other people living across this world would give anything for, which is have a voice in who influences our laws, economy, rights and well being. People in countries in the Middle East literally choose to risk their life to go to the polls, because they find value in their vote even though their system has corruption. Our nation's history is filled with stories of men and women who sacrificed greatly to give people of both genders, of all races and all beliefs the opportunity to vote in the United States. I wonder how ashamed they would be of our nation now, or dumbfounded, to know how few people take the opportunity.

Voting has never been a question for me. My parents vote in most, if not all elections, in their town and provided the example that voting is something that someone should always do. My dad took me to vote in the first election I could participate in, the 2000 presidential election.

Thankful Today #1

2010-11-01T20:12:00.001-06:00

November is the month that reminds people to be thankful. I have seen a few people make a commitment to express thankfulness for each of the days in November and it inspired me. So here is the first of my daily posts of what I am thankful for:

These aren't going to be in a particular order, one that I am most thankful for over another, but Day 1 is the thing I am most grateful for and deserves my greatest and unending expression of thankfulness.

It is based off of this verse:

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. Colossians 2:6-7

#1- I am most thankful that I have received Christ Jesus as Lord and that I have a foundation that is rooted and continues to grow, am able to be strengthened and therefore can and should live a life that overflows with thankfulness.

How Now Shall We Pray?

2010-10-26T22:32:00.001-05:00

Why pray? This is a topic I have wrestled with in my mind, much like many people probably do. I guess it isn't if I should pray. I know I should because the Bible says to and I believe that I should be obedient to God, even when it doesn't make sense. So the question is probably better posted as "how should I pray?" I have had some helpful answers to that topic in the last few weeks so I wanted to share those, in hopes that it would be helpful to someone else.

My husband and I had a conversation about this a little over a week ago. The steadfastness of his faith is something I really respect about him. It remains strong despite circumstances. I on the other hand, want to be that way. Want being the operative word here. My problem I guess has been the lense I was looking through, which is my own perspective. I don't think my question here is God's ability because I fully believe he can completely answer anything I need and do it in greater ways than I could imagine. The issue is, I know sometimes he doesn't by choice. The church answer to that is that regardless of how the circumstances turn out, it will be okay because God will strengthen us through it all and his ways are perfect. I know that, but I don't necessarily want that. For example, I pray for the safety and health of my two year old son. I really only want God to answer that in one way, with a clear yes. But, in my head I also know there is a chance that something could happen to him and I just can't, in my heart, say I would be okay with that. Again, I want my faith to be that strong, but it doesn't mean that it is. So my question is, should I even pray for his safety and health? Does it make a difference? And where does my peace come from in this?

Twice in the next few days after that conversation this topic was addressed, both indirectly and directly. Both echoed my husband's thoughts. It has really helped me in my understanding, giving me contentment without having the exact answer to fit into my perspective. First was indirectly addressed in a sermon from last week. In it was a verse that I have heard a thousand times.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-8

This is probably one of the go to verses whenever anyone talks about prayer. It finally caught my attention on Sunday though. And credit to my husband for not elbowing me when it was read (b/c it was the day after our conversation and this was basically his answer). My questions are simply addressed- prayer is not for the purpose of changing God's plan but I am encouraged to do it anyway for my benefit. The purpose is to relieve my anxiety through trust in God. And, unexplainable through my own lense of expectations, the result is peace. Not peace that I have to muster but peace that is granted through my heart and mind being protected by God.

The second response was from a blog I follow and I have linked the post here. I won't rewrite it because it doesn't need to be. So, click on the link and read it. The important thing to understand when reading this post is that it is from a blog called Bowen's Heart and is written by a family whose baby boy was born with a serious heart defect, causing him to be in the hospital from birth and has had seizures, a stroke, his chest opened up for surgery, multiple times where they thought they would lose him, all within the first early months of his life. If anyone has reason to doubt, to question the purpose of prayer, it is this family. The father addresses this openly and honestly in a helpful manner.

I hope this provides so guidance to you too.

Change of Plans

2010-05-31T10:05:00.000-05:00

Well, I didn't move after all. First, I forgot to do it a month and 1/2 ago! But when I finally tried, it didn't go as seamlessly as I thought it would. Serves me right for trying to do something remotely technological.

So, keep coming to this address until further notice!

Moving

2010-04-14T13:19:00.001-05:00

Part of the reason I don't keep up with this blog enough is that...well I'm lazy. But I am trying to help myself and that involves moving my blog so that I don't have multiple logins for all of my blogs. I am trying to combine so that it doesn't mess up other logins and I have one less excuse to not sign in and blog.

This should not cause any problem for readers. If it all goes smoothly, you shouldn't notice a difference. The same website address should work the new blog. Only followers will probably have to refollow the blog.

IF there is problem and the blog suddenly doesn't appear one day, it will be moved to jordans_jots.blogspot.com. I'll make the move in a few days, to give readers (if I still have any!) the chance to read this post.

How Firm a Foundation

2010-03-04T22:43:00.002-06:00

As I laid down tonight (before I got up again to blog!), I felt emotionally tired. It can be hard to deal with people. The thing is, my line of work is people so I should be used to it! I don't think I'll ever be used to it though and sometimes it is a little more draining than other times. Not bad, just draining.

It has been an interesting two days. It started yesterday morning in my counseling work, which I can't divulge, but I can say that I was discouraged and sad. Then yesterday evening was filled with a lot of joy: I had so much fun playing with my growing little boy outside and then as I got him ready for bed I was reminded of how much he is learning and was overwhelmed with happiness for the little boy he is. At the youth group meeting that night, I watched two of the girls that I help teach really minister to a new girl and show her compassion and love, finding out later that this was the first time this girl had come back to a church after being treated hurtfully by another "church". I was in such a positive mood and had called my friend to tell her about the story when I got a call from another family. Everything immediately changed when I learned about a horrible tragedy in this family and they called me because of my profession as a counselor. That began conversations that included knowledge I wish I didn't have to have and my heart has been broken for that family. When my husband came home, we talked through that matter but I also shared what happened with those girls, still feeling excited for that time in the evening. Two other girls, that I have known for years, were brought up though and they are facing some real struggles and I need to reach out to them. As we talked in the dark, both my husband and I commented on the never ending work it is when it comes to people, both positive and not.

Then today came. It is my big counseling day but the early sessions didn't even play much into my feelings tonight. The day started with frustrations with the inconsistency of my job, went to continued discouragment from the earlier mentioned client's case, to sadness over decisions that friends are making about their marriage. And then an amazing thing happened, giving my husband and I hope for a friend of ours. I am still so excited about that one. Then I went to a group counseling session that I help with where I experienced great sadness for some of the ladies' pain but also encouraged with the work that was being done in their lives.

That is where I am tonight. I have felt the ups and downs of emotions, not for my own situations but for others. Usually I can handle it pretty well, that is one of the ways God has prepared me for my line of work. And really, I can say I am handling it fine right now. I am just tired. I am grateful for the positive moments in the middle of the difficult ones because they help me to have a breather and remain hopeful. Plus, I got an unexpected extra hour to hang out with my husband and son and we spent it enjoying the sunshine at the park. That is the best break from reality (or really, it is a cleared perspective of reality) that I can have!

Tonight when I laid down, my overwhelming prayer was a gratefulness that God doesn't change. He is a solid foundation to stand on when everything else is constantly shifting. I can rest in knowing that he is faithful in all that he promises and does not disappoint.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

James 1:17

Two Little Boys

2010-01-23T00:14:00.000-06:00

I have been watching the Hope for Haiti telethon tonight and just saw the feature presented by Anderson Cooper of the orphaned children. There were hundreds of thousands of orphans in Haiti before the earthquake and now there are probably hundreds of thousands more. I have long had a heart for the parentless (whether they do not have living parents or the parents are absent for other reasons). I knew it would be heartaching to watch the segment on the orphans but I did anyways.

And then I saw a sweet little boy, probably under the age of two, looking at the camera with big, beautiful eyes and sucking his thumb. I have a sweet little boy under the age of two who has big, beautiful eyes and he sucks his thumb. But tonight he is tucked into his bed, in his room, in his house, knowing his parents are on the other side of that door and he has a day filled with fun and hugs tomorrow. My little boy sucks his thumb when he is tired, or hungry, or in a situation that he is unsure of. I wonder why that little Haitian boy is sucking his thumb...he is probably tired, because he doesn't have a home to rest in. He is probably hungry, because he is in a nation that was already starving and now they are fighting for food. And he is probably in a situation that he is unsure of...because he doesn't have a mama and daddy on the other side of the door and his tomorrow probably won't be filled with fun and hugs.

I thought of my little boy and as I write this I have tears running down my face. I cannot even begin to fathom my son without his daddy or me but I can't even let my mind go to think of him living abandoned and scared, without loving arms to hold him. This little boy had a mama and daddy too, who probably wanted everything for him like we do for our son. I am so grateful to know that we have family and close friends who would guarantee that my son was immediately cared for, and that he would have tomorrows of fun and hugs.

I told my husband that I wanted to go to Haiti and just hold and hug the sweet, young children. And then bring them home with me.

Dear Lord, please put your loving arms around these young precious children. Let them experience your love, while they cannot physically feel the love and comfort of another person right now. Give them the food they need, water to drink, medical care to sustain them, and more than anything give them people that care about them. Let them feel your comfort and peace, when their world is so far from it. And let your Name be made great in all of this. Amen.

Praying for Haiti

2010-01-13T21:21:00.002-06:00

I was given the opportunity to study the people, history and culture of Haiti a few years ago for Cross Cultural Counseling while in graduate school. Each group in the class was given a region of people and had the responsibility of teaching the class for over two hours and constructing a large research paper. The purpose was to better understand the culture of the people groups in the regions and those who lived in the US so that we, as counselors, could better help members of those cultures we would interact with in our field. Our group was assigned the people of the Caribbean (I know, real tough...actually it was!). We selected the Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico and Haiti as our countries to focus on and I was to become the group's expert on Haiti.

It was the major assignment of the semester, a huge percentage of our grade and my group was counting on my participation for a third of it so I poured myself into studying these people. At the end of it, I was ready to move to Haiti, join in one of the communities and minister to this nation. I fell in love with studying these people. I had the opportunity to interview a student I had met at school who was from Haiti. We talked for over two hours about his home and he and his wife shared with me who the Haitians are. He told me to know the people of Haiti, I must first know their history (I love that kind of thinking) so he started from the very beginning and brought me to where they are now. They are a people of poverty because they don't look to the future. They are also a people that have faced terrible political upheavals and uncertainties that threatened their historical way of life, whether for worse of better didn't seem to matter. But what struck me was the most was that they are a people who value community. I asked my friend what a counselor would need to know to be able to effectively help a Haitian. He and his wife both agreed a counselor would never get the chance unless they lived with the people, in their community and earned trust over the years. In Haiti, they take care of their people. My friend told me that each meal was prepared with the anticipation that anyone may stop by to join the meal. If someone moved from Haiti to the US (usually with the intention of sending money home to take care of their family), it didn't matter if they knew anyone living here because they would quickly meet another Haitian through connections back home and they would be brought into their community.

All of that to say, I am so sad as I watch the devastation that an earthquake left on this nation. It is impossible to know the death toll and the number of people who are injured. But what really breaks my heart is seeing the look of hopelessness and fear on the faces of the survivors. For the most part Haiti is a lost nation, searching something to believe in. My friends shared that often Haitians are open to all forms of religion, and one might say he is a Christian, Muslim and Buddhist while participate in other forms of spirituality. They don't choose to believe one way. And now, they desperately need the peace that God provides, that isn't based on works or blessings or curses. That is my prayer right now, that the people of Haiti would begin to experience God's peace in this time and understand His love for them.

***And just a quick response to Pat Robinson's thoughts (he says this happened because God is punishing the Haitians for the pact they made with the devil so that they would win in their revolution from the French centuries ago): While there is some truth to the pact he referred to, it is likely much of it may be folklore. Regardless of that, Robinson's statement does not match who I believe God to be. Mr. Robinson seems to often forget that he, like all of his, are sinners in need of God's grace. Jesus did not spend his time cursing and destroying the people living in sin. Rather he loved them first and met them where they were for them to know him. In fact it was the religious leaders that Jesus corrected and dealt harshly with.

Worth Fighting For?

2009-09-07T21:22:00.003-05:00

My husband has been watching Band of Brothers on tv. I like to see shows from the beginning so I haven't stopped to watch it with him but I did stop for a moment tonight. This episode was called "Why We Fight" and it involved the struggle the WWII soldiers were facing as the wondered if their sacrifice to fight was even worth it. They weren't sure exactly why they were fighting the Nazis, and if it mattered at all. And then they came across a concentration camp, not knowing those camps existed. Suddenly it was disturbingly clear to these young men why they were fighting. Their lives would be forever altered by the atrocities they saw, the evil they witnessed and the worst of humanity. There was not then and is not now many who question whether or not WWII was worth fighting for when thinking of the Holocaust alone. There was evil being done on the other side of the world and our country, as a strong nation, had the moral obligation to stop the harm being done to weaker countries and prevent the danger from coming to our land. The history books do not tell of wide spread dissention. Instead there are stories of sacrifice both from the soldiers and the people at home.

What will history books read about the United States and the fight we're in now? Likely that we pulled out before the task was complete and that Americans questioned the US' invasion and work being done in the Middle East during the entire war. But is the difference between why we were in WWII and why we are in Operation Iraqi Freedom? Why doesn't the US still have the moral obligation to defend weaker nations and prevent attacks on home soil? The cruelty done to the Jewish people, and people of other nationalities, during the Nazi reign is unimaginable and will hopefully never happen to that extent again. But it could. Why would Sadaam Hussein, or any one else, be less capable that Adolf Hitler of causing inhumane distruction? So why is it so horrible (according to so many Americans) that the US stepped in to prevent the escalating evil? Not to mention stop what was already happening? Mass genocide happened in Iraq, not only in Germany. How easily forgotten that is.

Thank you to the committed soldiers who are sacrificing, and whose lives will be forever changed by what they are going through right now. May you be protected from danger, honored for your work and know "Why We Fight."

At the Table

2009-08-25T21:42:00.003-05:00

The dinner table is a pretty special place in a family's home. I was reminded of this thought during this past weekend.

My family had the opportunity to spend time in the house my grandparents lived in for 41 years. It has been beautifully converted into a bed and breakfast and will continue to be a place where people are welcomed and memories are made for years. I spent a lot of time in that house as I grew up and it is a precious place to me. The new owner has been so kind and gracious to my family, honoring that this was home to them. On Saturday, she invited us to visit the house and share a breakfast. We enjoyed touring the home and the food was delicious but what was the most special happened after breakfast. The owner of the home was curious about the house's and family's history so the family spent time around the table sharing memories. I love to hear my family tell stories, there are wonderful story tellers in the group, but what I really enjoyed was thinking back to the hours I have spent in that house around the table listening to stories. We enjoyed Sunday afternoon lunches, holiday meals and other meals "just because" in that home and no time around the table ended just because we finished eating. Rather, we sat there for a long time afterwards just talking...like they did on Saturday morning. Someone always said, "lets go sit somewhere more comfortable" but it would take awhile before we moved. The dining room table is now in a different room, but the stories were still there. I really missed Meme that morning, knowing she would have loved being in the middle of it (and probably telling us a story she'd told us a hundred times...but I would give anything to hear them one more time).

Right now it is pretty difficult to have a peaceful mealtime with a 16 month old. But, Saturday morning reinforced to me the importance of making it work. I want years for our family of spending extra time at the table, just because we enjoyed being together.

Look Ahead

2009-08-25T21:29:00.003-05:00

Tonight the three of us were driving home as the sun was setting in the direction we were heading. I love sunsets, clouds and pretty skies and my husband, knowing this, does a good job of appreciating those with me. Tonight's sunset made the clouds pretty shades of pink and orange and as we were admiring them, my husband invited our son to look at the sky. He encouraged J to look forward, pointing and using a tone that indicated that what he would see would be pretty neat. Now, we were driving on the interstate with lots going on around and in front of us so a 16 month old in the back seat was probably not going to recognize that his daddy was pointing out a sunset. But, J immediately got wide-eyed and smiled and said "ohhh" like it was absolutely amazing what he was seeing. I looked at my husband and said "now that is trust." J probably had no idea what he was looking towards but because his daddy told him it was great, he completely believed it.

I wish I had that reaction when God was pointing out a direction to me. Even if I'm not sure what I'm looking at, that I would get wide eyed and excited just because my Father said it would be great.

"Look at the nations and watch— and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told."

Habakkuk 1:5

What are you left with?

2009-06-27T21:52:00.005-05:00

This isn't the first post I thought I would write after a long hiatus! But, it is on my mind and if I am ever going to start blogging regularly I need to just write when I think of it.

It has been a rough week for pop culture with the death of Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson.

Surprisingly of all of them I think I was an Ed McMahon fan, even though he was the oldest. Apparently I was a big fan of "Heeeeere's Johnny" when I was young. I only know Farrah Fawcett for her celebrity status, not any of her work, and I can't say I was ever a Michael Jackson fan. I really like The Jackson 5 (though I do kind of feel like I am witnessing child labor abuse taking place) but the rest of his music isn't my style. Mainly though, I am of the wrong generation to remember Michael as anything but Wacko Jacko. I was in 6th grade when he was first arrested for molestation and it has just been downhill from there. But this is all beside the point of the blog...

These were all huge pop icons and had much of what I think the world deems as successful- Ed McMahon was on one of the most popular shows of all time and through that met anybody who was anybody, had plenty of wealth (though not in the last few years), had a long career. Farrah Fawcett was known for beauty. And Michael Jackson was, for a large part of his career, the biggest celebrity in the world.

But they all died. Interestingly enough, in very common ways: illnesses related to old age, cancer and heart disease. And now what? Well, now none of that celebrity, wealth, beauty or power matters. I do not know the beliefs of any of these three for sure so the following passage is not a condemnation or affirmation for any of them. Rather it is a reminder for readers that we all face mortality. We will all face God at the ends and all of the prizes achieved during our lives will not matter at all. All that matters is whether or not we knew Him as Lord.

From Revelation 3:14-22

"To the angel of the church in Laodicea write:
These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God's creation. I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches."

How Am I Doing?

2009-02-03T20:45:00.002-06:00

I said that I would update with how I am doing on my goals so here goes...

I will keep the dining room table clean so that the three of us can eat at the table. The mail has to find a new home.
Doing pretty well...we eat dinner at the table for most of the meals but sometimes I have to clean it off before the meal :). I really enjoy our dinnertime together and I think it is getting the little guy used to having meal time together.

When I have a "great intention" I will write it down or tell my husband about it so that I won't forget it or have motivation to follow through.
Honestly, I can't think of a great intention that I have had! I guess I did want to make cookies for my husband's trip and I did. I don't know if telling him helped or not.

I will keep up with the calendar that is now on my fridge.
I think I have kept up with it.

I will read the Bible in a year.
I am pleased to say I have kept up with this well. I have not missed a day, even when going out town. And, I am really enjoying it.

I will blog at least once every two weeks.
You know I have already messed this one up :). =

I will cook more vegetables with meals.
I still need to improve but we have had veggies with most meals.

I will always have some sort of dessert for my husband.
I think I have done this most days, at least with cookies. It really helps that my mom bought him a lot of his favorite Girl Scout cookies!

I will do one craft project each month.
When I do a project, I like to spend at least a few hours on it at a time so it isn't working out well right now. My little guy hasn't slept great at night for the last few weeks and has been waking up earlier so I have to choose to stay up late or be sleepy the next day. I have worked on the stocking I have been cross stitching for a looong time though so I have an outlet.

I am going to keep our home neater.
I just need a new home.

25 Things About Me

2009-01-30T22:17:00.003-06:00

Ugh. I didn't even make it the first month in posting at least once every 2 weeks. I think my mom is the only one who checks this still so sorry Mama. (By the way if you do read this, first thank you and second, leave me a comment and let me know!)

There is a note floating around Facebook (I guess the FB version of email forwards) that requires you to make a list of 25 random things about yourself. I am a big dork and like these kind of things so I did it when my friends sent it to me. Because I can't seem to finish a blog that I start on this thing I will just recopy it here. I made a few changes to remove personal/identifying information.

I want my life to reflect the joy and peace I have of knowing Christ as my Savior. That is what matters that you know about me, the rest of the list is just fun.
I have ridiculously ticklish feet. I love the result of a pedicure but getting it done is torturous.
I am married to the guy I had a crush on in 7th grade, was my high school sweetheart and I still continue to find even more things to love about him.
I am a mama and can’t describe how wonderful that is.
2008 was quite a year- it contained the most amazing time of our lives (having our son), and the hardest time of our lives (our church being closed). I am hoping for a less emotional 2009 (well…sort of).
I am a horrible housewife. I don’t like to cook, I don’t like to clean and I am really disorganized. God bless a patient husband.
My son’s smile is one of the most wonderful sights I will ever see. And I love that it is his daddy’s smile.
I started a “Read the Bible in a Year” program this year and am so glad that I have.
My husband is my absolute favorite person in the world. I love his character, how he makes me smile, how much he encourages me, what an amazing daddy he is….the list can go on but it is 25 things about me, not him :)
I would really love to be a writer and/or speaker and/or teacher.
I am a minister’s wife and actually love it. Didn’t think I would, but I do!
My husband and I talked about what we thought our son’s personality would be like when I was pregnant and were surprisingly close!
I love the little lake in our backyard. It has lots of ducks that my son now loves and makes for great walks. It saved my sanity the first few months with a newborn.
***This one was impossible to remove personal city related info so I'll make a new one*** I can take or leave desserts but really like hot desserts with fruit (like cobbler)
I still revert to my old junior high and high school insecurities every once in a while and I wish I didn’t.
I have an awesome little sister and love spending time with her. Luckily she loves my son enough that she comes to visit more often now.
I have lived in "current city" for 5 and ½ years and just drove to "another neighboring big city" by myself for the first time on Friday. And I am grateful for GPS.
I love learning. I enjoy hearing about research findings, reading studies, watching documentaries and miss the lectures from my wise professors. It is the only reason I am still considering PhD work.
I enjoy shows on the Game Show Network and my mom and I could win Chain Reaction.
I love my family. My parents are wonderful people who I really admire and I really enjoy being with them. I respect them even more now that I am a parent. I also consider it a great blessing to have my extended family.
Do not talk to me while Dancing with the Stars is on. I have called the final 3 for every season since I started watching during season 3 (except Marie Osmond but she didn’t count, that was a dark period in the show). I can also often guess what the judges will say even though I really have no clue what makes a specific dance. And I dance around the apartment afterwards. My absolute favorite is the waltz.
I love hot tea and drink at least one mug a day, often two. Today I had three.
My favorite hobby is creating art work and craft projects. There isn’t a particular favorite and I will try most things. Cross stitching relaxes me, I love painting but it stresses me, I am getting back into scrapbooking, sewing intimidates me so I haven’t tried it but I have a hundred other things I like to do.
If I had the money, I would have a house on the lake and a cabin near ski slopes that are big enough so that our family could stay too.
After rereading this list, I sound like a 73 year old woman. I really am cool I promise!

So that is some info about me! I PROMISE I'll start blogging more. I have lots of ideas, just haven't had the mental energy once my son has gone to bed to write them out.

Two in a Row

2009-01-07T21:29:00.002-06:00

I should just stick with what I know. I have plenty of talents and things I am good at that I enjoy. Cooking is not one of those. We have to eat though and I have some dishes that I do well so I should be wise and not try things that are too involved. This point was made tonight.

So tonight was as much of a dinner disaster as last night but this time I am surprised that I came out of it without 3rd degree burns. I was making Rachel Ray's enchiladas- 30 Minute Meals my foot. It was an hour and a half. It involved making homemade enchilada sauce. I know what you are thinking "Senorita Gringo, there are plenty of good sauces that can be bought at a store." But no, I can't resign to the fact that I probably should take the less complicated route until I have burnt fingertips, a red splatter painted kitchen and a dinner that took waaaaay to long to cook. And have I mentioned that my electric stove is stupid? Luckily, I have a husband that is excited to see his son after work and kept him occupied during the time.

We're having leftovers tomorrow.

Susie Homemaker, I am Not

2009-01-06T21:18:00.002-06:00

Oh what an evening! As written in the last post, there are some thingsI want to improve on. One of those being how I handle dinner. So, this afternoon I was quite pleased with myself. I had been to the grocery store with Baby J and stuck completely to my list and purchased all of the ingredients I would need for dinner for the next 4 nights. I got home and Baby J was in a great mood so I put him in his high chair with some cereal to snack on while I unloaded the car. A few minor bumps but all was still going well enough. I realized my box of macaroni had expired (who knew that stuff goes bad?) and the recipe for the sandwiches called for a panini grill (which I do not have), a slight oversight on my part. But I pressed on. He was still in a great mood so I thought I would get dinner started. I put in his Wee Sing cd of Bible songs and sang along to him while he munched on cereal, grinning at me as I began some risotto (sounds impressive huh?) and starting cooking the chicken on the stove. I was thinking what a perfect picture of a housewife I would be when my husband came through the door after work. Singing songs with my son (Bible songs at that) while a wonderful dinner was being prepared. Seems pretty perfect doesn't it?

That is when it all hit the fan. First, the stupid risotto kept trying to boil over which is a serious problem on my stupid electric stove. Then, while dealing with that I let the chicken begin sticking to the pan and I was using my smallest frying pan which meant that it would probably get too hot and be a hassle the whole time. And then, Baby J starts sounding unhappy and I realize that it is time for him to eat and he is likely hungry. But, I can't leave the stupid risotto or it will boil over and the chicken is already beginning to burn so I am hoping Baby J will hold out until Daddy gets home and can feed him. So, as I am pouring more cereal out for Baby J to snack on (yes I know, mother of the year right here) and still singing trying to distract him, the darn smoke alarm goes off. Oh yes, it keeps getting better. Now don't worry, I wasn't putting us in danger. Our smoke alarm goes off if you sneeze wrong and the chicken sizzling for too long in the pan while I poured cereal was just too much. This really helped Baby J's mood. I yank the smoke alarm out of the ceiling (don't turn me in please) and try and salvage what is happening on the stove and begin making a bottle, all while praying my hubby comes soon so that he can feed my now very impatient son so that I don't burn the apartment down.

So now picture the scene. There is a very unhappy baby in his high chair, a smoke alarm dangling from the ceiling, a scent of burnt stuff wafting in the air, me quite frazzled, risotto burnt to the bottom of a pot, all with kids singing "The B-I-B-L-E" blaring in the background. A far cry from the earlier scene. And in walks my husband. Perfect. Luckily my husband is a very intelligent man, just smiled and kept his mouth shut and quickly cheered Baby J up while I finished up dinner.

Shockingly, it actually turned out pretty good, especially considering the circumstances. And my table was cleaned off so that we could all eat together.

Maybe before I try and follow through with my good intentions I should try and think things out a little better ahead of time.

For the New Year I will...

2009-01-01T22:49:00.002-06:00

I am not a fan of new year resolutions because I am the queen of great intentions with significantly less follow through (see I Will #2 below). The way I see it, if I never make the resolutions then I don't have to feel guilty in February when I have already let them slip. But, there are some areas of my life that I feel need improvement and again, being the queen of great intentions...those changes don't come easily. So, I am using a counseling tool to help myself. When I have a client set goals in counseling, the most important rules are that the goals are measurable (so that you can know you have met them) and achievable. I have heard it recommended that when writing goals it is helpful to put what you will do into sentence form. So, here goes...(disclaimer: I am putting myself out here so no judgments allowed if you can't believe I don't do/do something listed here)
Beginning in 2009...

I will keep the dining room table clean so that the three of us can eat at the table. The mail has to find a new home.
When I have a "great intention" I will write it down or tell my husband about it so that I won't forget it or have motivation to follow through.
I will keep up with the calendar that is now on my fridge.
I will read the Bible in a year. I want to do this every year. I want to buy one of those "One Year Bibles" and start on January 1. Well again, queen of great intentions...I never buy one in time. This year I did though and really want to follow through with this goal. Now, when I was with friends tonight at 9:30 I realized that I had already forgotten about day 1! But I read it when I came home and told my husband to ask me each day if I read until I get better at it. Hopefully some blogs will come from what I am reading. Leading to the next one...
I will blog at least once every two weeks. So, don't be surprised if one week all you see is a "this is my mandatory post for the week."
I will cook more vegetables with meals. I am about to have a little boy eating what we eat and I have got to improve my menus!
I will always have some sort of dessert for my husband. I think all I would have to do to be the perfect wife would be to make it so that he has something sweet every night (even if I need to stock up on candy bars to hand him one when I don't feel like baking). I did well at this for about 3 weeks this summer. Again, great intentions...
I will do one craft project each month. I love doing something crafty and don't give myself much time to. It lifts my mood whenever I do though.
I am going to keep our home neater. I am horrible at this and I really want to be better. I am just so lazy! This is a poorly written goal because it isn't measurable but I am going to have to take baby steps!

I am sure there are many more things I can improve on but I'm starting with what is achievable! I'll give an update in February of how I am doing.

Happy New Year!

The Trip Home

2008-09-17T20:32:00.001-05:00

Today is one year since my grandmother, Meme, went home to heaven. I have been thinking about her a lot this past week. I miss her. I so badly wish that my son could know her, be rocked by her, have her read to him. I wish I could still talk to her, get her emails, listen to her stories. The overwhelming comfort though for me is the reminder of the life she has now, fully healed and experiencing the glory of God.

During Meme's last week we were encouraged to continue to talk to her because she could still hear us. I was about 12 weeks pregnant so I talked a lot about my baby with her, told her stories about what my husband and I were doing, how much I loved her…what I would talk to her about if she were talking back. My mom suggested that I read to her from one of her favorite books, Traveling Light, by Max Lucado.

It is a study on the 23rd Psalm and uses the metaphor of the excess luggage we carry that is unnecessary. Meme loved this book. We joked that she was going to suggest it to King David, the author of Psalm 23. I had not read it so I flipped through it to find a chapter that seemed appropriate. Well, I came to the last one titled "I will lead you home". It describes the final piece of baggage that we, as Christians, must release which is the burden of the grave. We carry a lot of burdens on this earth because we live in a sinful world. But we have the joy of getting to give those burdens over to God for him to carry for us. The greatest burden we have is death, the punishment for our sins. God is loving though and also offers to carry that burden for us through the gift of salvation. This is what is written about in the final chapter of the book. Mama and I cried as I read it but it was one of the best things we could have heard at that time. It was a real reminder about what Meme was about to experience. Though she fought it hard, cancer had stolen her earthly body but it could not steal her life. When she took her last breath, Meme left this earth and was greeted in heaven. As painful as it was (and still is) to lose her, how can I not celebrate that for her? In the moments after her death, my mom said to me "she put down that last piece of luggage." What a comfort it was to think of that during that painful time. I spent a lot of time after that trying to picture what Meme was getting to experience at that time. I don’t know exactly what heaven will be like, but I do know that she was experiencing beyond what we could even imagine.

Actually, reading that book was the second best thing I could have read that week. The best was something I read privately, a few mornings before she passed away. Meme left us a list of her favorite Scriptures. One morning that I couldn’t sleep, I opened my Bible and looked up each passage on the list. It was such a sweet time when I got to learn even more about her faith. I was surprised to learn that we shared a favorite verse. I read some of the Psalms she liked and wondered at what point in her life they brought particular comfort. I was also amazed at the strength of her faith when I read other Psalms because they did not waver in praise to God. But one in particular was the best gift she could have given us- John 14:1-14. The reason that one was so important was because it told us without a doubt what she believed and because of that, we could celebrate he home going to heaven.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Psalm 23:6

A Heavenly Medal Ceremony

2008-09-01T00:42:00.005-05:00

I loved watching the Olympics. The skill involved, the excitement of a race, the patriotism...I love it all. My favorite is the medal ceremony- when an athlete stands proudly on a stand, singing his or her country’s anthem as the flag is raised, experiencing the reward for years of hard work.

I was thinking about the life an Olympic athlete leads. To be the best in the world the athlete must spend hours each day perfecting their skill. Their diet, their habits, even where they live is all influenced by their sport. And they do it for a race that may last less than a minute, for the chance to stand on a podium for a few more minutes. And in four years it is likely that they will be replaced by someone who broke their record. Why do they do it? Well as someone who hates working out, I really have no clue as to why they would!

I then began to think about why most people do not pursue their goals with such dedication. Even further, shouldn’t Christians pursue their calling with even more determined commitment because their end goal was infinitely more rewarding? But then I remembered that someone else also had that thought and already taught that lesson…

I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings. Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.
1 Corinthians 9:23-25

Okay, so Paul beat me to this bright idea. He was probably even referring to the types of races the original Olympics grew from in Greece. Anyway...

Do, I follow God with such dedication that everything I do is in response to my race? Do I run hard, all the way through the line, every time? Am I ever satisfied with anything less than gold? The answer is a sad “no”.

There is not a successful Olympic athlete who does not commit whole heartedly to their training. Sure, some have the right physique for their sport and have natural ability, but they also must work extremely hard. Well, God has given me everything I need to be “a natural” at my task and fully equipped me with everything I could need for the race. The prize is mine to run after.

And can you imagine that medal ceremony?

Final "I love my church" Post (for now)

2008-09-01T00:31:00.002-05:00

I have been slow to write about this because every time I started, I couldn’t figure out how what exactly to write. I’ve written three or four drafts already but they never quite addressed what I wanted.

If you have read my blog in the past, you have read about the church I have been a part of and how much I love it. Well, the decision was made to close it a few weeks ago and we no longer meet together. That was a very difficult thing for me, as it was for many of my church family. We have since moved back to the sending campus and are transitioning into new roles there.

I have debated what to write about. Do I write about what I miss? I miss my church family who were so kind to us, I miss serving with a group that was such an amazing team, I miss my husband leading worship, I miss getting to play the keyboard, I miss showing up early and staying late, I miss knowing I was a part of something great…but that wasn’t really what I wanted to write about.

So do I write about what I loved about our campus? I loved the people, I loved the sense of community, I loved the atmosphere of worship, I loved watching the Body of Christ in action, I loved the leadership team my husband was a part of, I loved the challenge…but that too wasn’t what I wanted to write about.

Do I write about the feelings that have come from this? Denial, anger, confusion, sadness…no, again that is not what I wanted to write about. Plus, it would probably just get me in trouble.

So, what do I write about? I think it is what I have learned through this. Or, maybe I should say am currently learning. We went to this new campus over 2 ½ years ago knowing that God called us to go. We knew we were called there a year before that. I still have no doubt that we were obedient in going. So why would God lead us to something that would end so painfully? I’m not positive, but I do know that I am still grateful that He did. In that time I got to experience real community in a church, find real joy in service, met some amazing friends and built genuine relationships, learned so much about ministry…I will probably never know all that I learned. As much as it hurt, and still hurts, to have the door close on something we had poured our hearts into, I would not think twice about doing it again. So, the most important thing I have learned is that God is trustworthy and faithful. It makes it much easier to be obedient to the next thing He calls us to because I know that God has another incredible experience in store for us.

I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:3

New Diapers

2008-08-09T15:11:00.002-05:00

What a strange thing to be nostalgic about but my baby's new diapers make me sad! We found a brand and style that worked for him and stuck with it. I quickly learned that diapers aren't an area of trial and error when using them because the error is not much fun. Anyway, these diapers have Sesame Street characters on it that grow with the diaper size. They start at a newborn size where the characters are tiny babies- Bert wears little sleepers. The next sizes up has Big Bird with a teddy bear, Zoe has a pacifier...they're all little babies. Well, now he has grown enough that he has to move to a new style. They're no longer made for newborns but active babies. These Sesame Street characters are all grown up! Elmo plays with a train, Ernie plays with blocks...I'm not ready to have him grow up enough to not be considered a little baby anymore!

Closing the Library

2008-07-31T16:34:00.003-05:00

I love to learn. If I have a question about something I go to the internet or a book immediately to find the answer and I don't stop at one person's answer, I look up multiple sources on the subject. The main reason Ph.D work is still tempting for me is because of all of the research I will be able to do for a dissertation. I took a test at a previous job regarding personality and strengths (or something like that) and the clearest response for my personality is that I enjoy learning new things and doing the research for the topic.

So, having a new baby has allowed me plenty of new topics to learn about! You see, I had no clue about what to do with a baby so I read all through my pregnancy and have tried to read a lot whenever a new issue with him arises. I am sure that my husband, mom and anyone else I talk to are so sick of hearing "well I read this and they said..."

But, I am learning more and more that I need to just stop reading all of that stuff and stick with the mommy gut. No, not the gut left over from pregnancy but that voice inside that says "he is your little boy and you have been with him for the past almost 4 months, not that researcher." So, I am shelving some of those books so to speak. Sure, I'll keep reading just because I like learning but I am not going to base who I am as a mother on what they say.

The way I see it, women have been mothers since Eve had Cain and Abel. She didn't have books to read or a website to search. Sure, some may say she didn't do so well seeing as how one son killed the other but that is another story :). The point is, God made me to be my son's mother and no one else so I have to know that God will give me the wisdom to know how to care for him. Remind me of that the next time I quote a message board.

Wake up, I'm pregnant!

2008-07-29T15:20:00.003-05:00

I woke up my husband from Sunday afternoon nap with that statement on this date, one year ago today. It is pretty incredible that I have been a mama for a year now. My world changed on July 29, 2007 and I am so grateful for the amazing blessing God has given us.

On another note, had I known how precious those Sunday afternoon naps would become I would have let him sleep a little longer!

Baby Dedication

2008-07-27T22:07:00.001-05:00

Today was a really special morning. We had our son dedicated at church along with our friends and their little boys. It is our understanding in Scripture that the dedication of an infant is not for their salvation. That is a decision that I pray he will mcaake one day and until he is able to understand his need for salvation, he is under God’s protection. Instead, it was a ceremony of commitment. It was a public commitment from my husband and me to raise our son under the leadership of God. It is also a time for our church family to commit to join with us in praying for our son and supporting us as we strive to be Godly parents. A special moment in the service came when our church family surrounded us as we were prayed for.

Being a mother is the most important job I will ever have. It is the hardest job and, at the same time, the most rewarding one. Just the responsibility of making sure he is physically cared for, developing well and happy is full time and tiring work. But I am not called to just meeting those needs. The most important part of my job as a mama is to lead my little boy to know God.

How do I do this? Of course I have the task of teaching him. I will read to him from the Bible, sing songs about God and teach him that the trees he loves to look at were created by God. I will tell him how much God loves him and teach him that he can talk to God and that God wants a relationship with him. All of those messages will mean very little though if my life does not reflect what I teach. My son will watch everything that I do and it is my prayer that my life reflects the Lord in such a way that my son will want to know God more. He needs to see the joy that comes only from the Lord, not from the world. He doesn’t need to hear from me “don’t worry” as much as he needs to see me trust God in difficult situations. He needs to see me confidently obeying God, even when it is different than what others do so that when he has to resist peer pressure he will have seen my example. He needs to see me reading my Bible and praying on my own so that he will learn the priority of having a personal and growing relationship with God. It is not the responsibility of the church to teach my child about God, it is my husband’s and mine. The church will continue the teaching that we do and provide support and encouragement.

The Israelites were given a clear command in how to raise their children.

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:5-9

What stands out to me in this passage the most is that the teaching of the children is not a formal structure such as a daily family devotional time. While that is a great practice, parents are commanded to teach their children at all times, in all activities. A parent cannot do that if they themselves do not have a growing relationship with God that is reflected in their daily activities.

What a high calling…I know that I personally am not able to do that. I pray that God will use me, in spite of me. I pray that He will equip me in every way necessary to be the parent that my son needs. I pray that I will constantly seek God in order to live a life that glorifies him and that my son will see the Lord in me. And most of all, I pray that my son comes to know the Lord as his savior and is fully sold out to honoring Him.

Back to the Blog World

2008-07-24T23:50:00.002-05:00

I have slacked off in my blogging- I guess a baby changes how I spend my time :). I'm going to try to start posting regularly again. I just need to start thinking of topics now!

A Voice Only a Son Could Love

2008-05-15T12:42:00.002-05:00

Wow...two blogs in a week! I've done well to get one in a month! He's taking a nap :).

This post is purely because I want to share something that makes me so happy. It is just a mama post, not really for the benefit of anyone else!

My son loves for me to sing! Now, if you have ever heard me you know that I struggle to carry a tune. You also know that I have a husband with a wonderful voice. So, you would think that my son would not enjoy my singing too much, but he does! Sometimes it is the only thing that will get him to stop crying and it will almost always relax him. I love it! I just turn my Ipod on, put one of the earbuds in and start singing along with whatever is playing. Sometimes we dance around, other times it is quiet singing. We both enjoy it! He doesn't even mind when I forget the words, as long as I hum or sing la las.

And in case you're wondering, he prefers David Crowder and Charlie Hall. No real lullabies for this kiddo (I tried, I don't remember the words)!

Wait!!

2008-05-13T12:02:00.002-05:00

I have a one month old...actually he is one month and one week. How did that happen? I always heard "they grow up fast" but wow! Not only does his age surprise me but I can look at him and be made fully aware of his rapid growth. I see him daily, all day and even I am surprised to see how much bigger he gets. He was a good sized baby from birth and continues to grow in size and his face matures so quickly.

This has made me stop and reevaluate my attitude. There are many times I have found myself looking to milestones and thinking "I can't wait until he is old enough to..." These early weeks have had me looking forward to the sleeping through the night and less fussy period stages that I read about. But, then I stop and look at my sweet boy curled in my arms and think about how it won't be much longer that I will get to hold him like that. As each new milestone is reached, another stage of his life will pass that we will not experience again.

Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled that he continues to develop so well and want him to continue that progress (and I am definitely looking forward to the sleeping through the night and less fussy stages!). But, I have to remember to enjoy and appreciate the stages he is currently in. Even if that is the "don't put me down" day- because one day I will want so badly to be able to hold him and he'll be off running.

I am a Mama!

2008-04-15T16:25:00.002-05:00

I am now officially a mama! I have a new son who is a little over a week old and life as I knew it is completely changed! I have gone from every emotion- from crying in complete frustration to laughing of pure joy at the sweet expression of his face. And all of that was in a span of 5 seconds! I can honestly say that I have not had a lot of time to think much this week. That is a strange thing for someone who likes to stop and ponder the moment. Luckily, my husband brought up something that has remained on my mind and it seems like a good post.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

This is a verse from the Bible that probably everyone is familiar with, whether they go to church or not. The first part of it is what struck my husband and me as we spoke of it. Our son was a few days old when we had this conversation. We are needed to meet every one of his needs and he does not have to do one thing for us. In fact, he takes away some of our needs being met, such as sleep! But, there is nothing in the world we would not do for him, including give our own lives. We would be willing to do whatever it takes to protect him from any kind of pain or harm.

That has given me a new perspective on grace. This verse is probably the first one I learned. I have heard lots of sermons and messages based on it but never really understood the magnitude of “he gave his one and only Son” until now. God chose, for the salvation of us, to allow his son to suffer and die. God also had to turn his back on his son in the midst of all of that anguish. That is about the worst thing I could imagine. How incredible is grace, that God was willing to do that for my life? I could not imagine a greater pain than seeing my son suffer and turning away from him.

When talking about Jesus dying, we often focus on his suffering. I am not downplaying that at all, I am just beginning to understand the absolute sacrifice God made at the same time. It makes me appreciate the incredible gift of salvation in a new way. Right before I had my son a friend, who is a young dad, told my husband and me that he had been a Christian for a long time but never quite understood grace until he became a dad. I was not quite sure at the time what he meant but clearly understand it now.

Lessons from the First Parenting Guide- 1

2008-03-25T22:43:00.000-06:00

In the months that I have been pregnant and anticipating being a mama, I have become much more aware of the many lessons in the Bible that relate to parenting. I thought I would share some of them here. I am going to break it into multiple posts so it doesn’t get too long.

First Lesson:
This one was brought on by a blog from one of my good friends about her son and his desire to be like his daddy. My husband and I have talked often about how our son will mimic us or want to do things just because we do them. Will he have our personalities? Will he enjoy music, sports, drawing, reading? What will he quote us on? What will he do just because he saw his daddy doing it?

I am reminded of Philippians 4:9- “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” This is an exhortation from Paul to people who have heard the Gospel from him. He says to them here, and to others in other letters, that they should look to him as an example because he is following after Christ as his example. What a heavy statement to make! I don’t think I could recommend to others to put into practice what they have seen in me. But, I am about to have a little boy that will do just that. It won’t matter to him though whether or not I am imitating Christ because he will imitate me no matter what. It is my responsibility to be consistently modeling a Christ-like life because my son will always be learning from me. My biggest responsibility as a mother is to lead my son towards Christ and the most important way that I will do that is in my character and actions. If I have ever had a reason to seek God’s direction and “be holy as he is holy,” it is now.

35 and 5

2008-02-29T10:53:00.002-06:00

Today marks the beginning of the 35th week of pregnancy, which means I have 5 more weeks until my baby's due date. When I first learned I was pregnant, I was 5 weeks along and had 35 weeks to go! To say time has gone pretty quickly would be an understatement.

The most common thing I have heard while pregnant is "You have no idea how much your life will change." I know that change will encompass all aspects of our life, from schedule to emotions. Before I became pregnant, I knew to anticipate these changes but I thought they primarily came after the baby is born. I had no idea how our lives would change the minute we learned that we would have a baby though. We immediately became Daddy and Mama to our growing child.

Today is a fun milestone to think about how our lives have been transformed already and makes me even more excited for the life to come.

Creation vs. Chance

2008-02-20T09:32:00.002-06:00

I was sitting in a room in my doctor’s office last week and was bored as I waited for my OB check up. I don’t know how many times I have read every poster in that room and every cartoon on the bulletin board over the last few months. One poster in particular caught my attention that day. It illustrates the changes in a baby from conception to when he is ready for delivery. It is not anything I have not looked at before, or read about, but that day I was again struck by the amazing thing that is the development of human life.

I cannot fathom what has happened inside of me for the last 7 ½ months. My son has gone from being the size of a cell that could not be seen without a microscope, to the size of a poppy seed when I first learned that he existed and is now supposed to be about 19 inches long and weighs about 4 ½ pounds. Not only has he grown that much, but in that time his brain, heart, eyes, fingers have been formed along with every other necessary organ and body part. He has developed all of his senses and the ability to think and even if he was born now, he could fully breathe on his own. He already has a personality and temperament. He has gone from a tiny cell to a fully developed human being. How absolutely amazing is that?

During my pregnancy I have continued to be in awe of God as the perfect creator. Random chance cannot possibly explain the development of human life. It is too intricate, too perfect and too unique to each person for it to be done by anything other than a loving Creator. God has formed my son to be a unique individual with an appearance, a personality, a DNA and fingertips that are like no other person that has ever been created. That is nothing less than incredible.

A Few of My Favorite Things- Pregnancy Edition

2008-02-12T22:41:00.001-06:00

In reading one of the many pregnancy websites, I came across a question asking “What is your favorite thing about being pregnant?” I am in the home stretch of pregnancy and getting more uncomfortable so I think it is a good time for me to stop and think about that right now. Now, I have had a really easy pregnancy so I really have little to ever complain about compared to stories I have heard. But, it is still a good thing to think about.

Here are some of the things I like about being pregnant:

I love feeling him move- it is like his one way to regularly communicate with me. Each kick lets me know that he is growing stronger and is active. I thought I would eventually get used to his movement but it is still miraculous.
I love how my husband responds to him. He already loves our son so much and talks to him often. He is already a great daddy and it is fun to see the start of their relationship.
My husband has been so encouraging to me. When I am feeling extra big, my husband reminds me that it is a good thing because it means our son is growing. That makes it easier to think of it as the baby getting larger, not me! He has never been inconsiderate but on the contrary, he has been incredibly supportive and has spoiled me.
I love that my baby is with me all of the time. I really cannot ever ignore the fact that I am pregnant but it causes me to think of my son often, rather than being annoyed at the changes to my body. I feel like this has been such a special time for me to get to be with him.
It is an absolute miracle that I get to be the one to carry my son as he grows and develops. I have always heard women complain that men don’t have to go through pregnancy. I view it as an incredible and blessed responsibility though that only I get to experience. As involved as my husband is, he still misses out on the miracle of pregnancy.
People are really kind to me and often ask about my wellbeing. This one took some time for me to get used to and appreciate! I have never in my life been asked "how are you feeling" as many times as I am asked in a week! What I eat has never been commented on so much and certainly my size has never been talked about like it is now! At first it bothered me to have so much attention but I have learned to understand that people are just being thoughtful.
I became a mama as soon as I was pregnant. There is really no way to know what it is like to be a mother unless you are one and I have now begun to understand that.
I have been spoiled since August! Sometimes it is frustrating to not be able to things but for the most part, it is really nice to have an excuse! My husband has not let me lift a finger!
I have a new understanding and appreciation for God- as Creator, Savior and Father.
I get to have a little boy when all of this is over!

To Vote or Not to Vote

2008-02-05T20:21:00.000-06:00

I heard something on the radio this afternoon that bothered me and I want to share my opinion. Now, I know better than to start a discussion on politics but I am making an exception. I won't get into who I plan to vote for, just why I plan to vote.

If you know me well, you know I am patriotic. I was raised to be proud to be an American and to appreciate and respect the privilege of voting. My mom says that I watched my first inauguration at age 2 when I was sick and she was home with me. I enjoy watching the State of the Union and the election returns. The option of voting really is not an option, it is something you do as a citizen of the United States. Too many people fought for the right to vote for me to take it lightly. I try to be an informed voter and stay informed of the candidates' positions. I am also a social conservative though and ultimately my voting reflects that.

This afternoon I was disappointed to learn of a conservative, evangelical leader saying that he will choose to stay at home and not vote if he does not like the candidate for his party. James Dobson (whose work I usually respect) has said that if John McCain receives the Republican nomination, he cannot vote for him and keep a good conscience. Dobson disagrees with some of his beliefs about family values. But, he says he cannot vote for the Democratic nominee of Hilary Clinton or Barack Obama due to their liberal views so he just will not vote for anyone. It may just be me, but that seems like the cheap way out.

My question is, would you not rather vote for the less of two evils (at least the evils defined by Dobson)? To rephrase it, instead of looking at it as a vote for one candidate, look at it as a vote against another. Here is where my political views will seap in. There are some conservative issues that I do not agree with McCain on (though I do not think Dobson is correct in his reporting of all of McCain's stances) but there is a lot more that I disagree with Obama and Clinton on. I would rather have a president that I pretty much agree with, than one I really don't agree with at all. That just seems like the logical choice. I find it strange that Dobson has not said he would not vote for Mitt Romney, someone with a complete different theological belief, because he thinks "we're facing such a point of crisis in our country, that we're going to have to have the strongest leadership we can. And I think I could deal with that in the polling booth." What he could "deal with in the polling booth" is a referral to Romney's understanding of the foundational Scriptures of evangelical faith. Now, again trying to use logic, how is that different than his disagreements with McCain? In my opinion (and remember I am very conservative about social issues), there comes a time where you have to choose a person who would be best overall, even if you struggle with one or two issues.

In my opinion, it is irresponsible of Dobson to say that he will choose not to vote. If conservatives don't vote because of McCain being the nominee, they are guaranteeing that a much more liberal person than McCain will be the president of the US. Dobson was clear to say this was his personal choice but he must know that he is very influential on many voters who will not take the time to look at the issues on their own. Even if there was not a tough fight in store for a conservative to win the presidency, it is still irresponsible of Dobson to choose not to vote. There is already too much voter apathy in the country and someone who is as vocal about political issues as Dobson should never discourage voting.

Dobson is reflecting a common belief of conservative evangelicals, that who our president is will determine if the US is a Christian nation or not. Yes, the president is influential of the issues of the time, but they are no guarantee of the result. The president is not the moral compass of the country, the citizens are. For example, same sex marriage has been an issue in government decisions for the last few years. The concern should not be who the president is because of a bill that might be passed, rather, the concern should be why our citizens allowed this to become an issue in the first place. The president does not determine family values, the family determines family values. Do not get me wrong, I want a leader who reflects my views but I am also realistic about the state of the country.

Well, I stepped on more soap boxes than I thought I would!

A Letter to Me

2008-01-12T21:20:00.000-06:00

There is a country song out right now called “A Letter to Me” by Brad Paisley. The basic premise of the song is what an adult would say to his 17 year old self if given the chance.

It has caused me to think of what I would say as a 25 year old to myself when I was in high school.

You really are smart enough.
Those boys you try so hard to impress are nothing compared to the man you will marry (and get this, you won’t even have to try and impress him- he’ll like you flaws and all).
Spend more time downstairs hanging out with your family.
You will one day be able to talk to those girls who make you feel inferior and actually feel good about yourself. And you’ll realize that they really weren’t all that cool.
Treat everyone in such a way that they will be glad to see you if you run into them in 5 years.
There are a few people who will be lifelong friends and it might surprise you who they are.
Don’t be so trusting of some of those girls because you’ll find out later they will turn their back on you.
Be less concerned about fitting in and be more concerned with having character that you can be proud of when you look back.
Appreciate the really good teachers you have. Learn from their expertise for more than just a class credit.
Stop putting things off because it is a very hard habit to break as an adult.
You have no idea how happy you will be as an adult- and it is completely different than you imagine.
And a line from the song that I think is a good one: "These are no where near the best years of your life."

Mommy 101

2008-01-02T12:33:00.000-06:00

In my short experience as a counselor, I really enjoyed doing premarital counseling. I believe in the importance of that time of preparation for a healthy start to a marriage. I now think there needs to be a new form of counseling introduced: Premothering Counseling. I am blown away at how little I know about being a mother! I have not been around a lot of babies so I knew there was a lot to learn about feeding, caring for, etc. But, I am now beginning to think that will be the easy stuff compared to everything else I have to learn!

I took part in a Bible study with my church last semester called Motherwise, thinking that it would be beneficial to me as I learned how to be a mother. I loved the study and being with other mothers but I always left the study with an even greater awareness of how little I know! Sure I can learn about his development and basic care techniques from a book or another mom but what about the other things? I can handle a scraped knee but I am not sure how to “kiss away” the sadness that comes a friend that is mean, his first failure, when he has to make a decision when experiencing peer pressure, when life just isn’t fair…all of the events in life that are inevitable but still hard.

I tripped over some steps a few days ago (still not remembering to adjust to a pregnant body). I was completely fine and my husband caught me before I hit more than a shin so there was no reason for alarm, just embarrassment. But afterwards I couldn’t quite shake it off and I realized it was because I was so upset that I could have caused my baby any harm. I even wondered if it had scared him when I fell, knowing full well that medical knowledge would say no. I caused me to think about how I will react to the times that I can’t prevent him getting hurt, physically or emotionally. I know that those times will happen and I also know that he has the chance to be a better person from how he learns from those things happening. But I am already learning that as a mama, logical thinking doesn’t mean as much when your child is hurting.

I have so much to learn! I only have about 3 months left before the big test arrives and there are no retakes. Still, the most important lesson I learned from Motherwise is how I can find the wisdom a mother needs. I have a perfect heavenly Father that not only knows me but he knows and loves my son and has promised to meet all of our needs.

A Dead Battery but a Congregation Full of Life

2007-12-17T21:13:00.000-06:00

This is another "I love my church" post...

A little background information on the church I am a part of: we are a regional campus of a church which simply means that we are a part of that church but meet in a different location. We have a live worship team but the sermon is from the pastor of the main campus and it is a video. We are a young group and have been meeting for about a year and a half at a school. Meeting at a school means that we must set up a church every Sunday morning. All of it- chairs, sound system, nursery and children's rooms, etc. A faithful group meets early every Sunday morning to set it all up and then pretty much the whole congregation helps to take it all down after the service. It has been done that way for each Sunday for the last year and a half. Everything we have is transported to the school in a large box truck.

So begins Sunday's adventure...
My husband is the worship pastor of the campus. As we were on our way to church early Sunday morning, he gets a call from the campus pastor saying that the truck's batteries are completely dead. This was at the time the truck should have arrived at the school so that the setup could begin and all would be ready for a proper sound check and in plenty of time for everything to be worked out. The truck not starting means that everything we need to set up for a service will possibly be stuck in a storage spot 30 minutes from the school.

Of course there are back up plans. First, the main campus got to work in finding us new batteries. That didn't work though so they continued to jump the dead batteries, bringing in a larger vehicle to jump it. So, my husband gathered the main campus' portable sound system and we headed out to the school while the campus pastor began to prepare a sermon in record time. We were still hoping that the batteries would charge but were planning for alternatives, just in case.

This could have been very stressful but that was not the atmosphere we arrived to when we reached the campus. There was a group that had already been there for almost an hour, waiting to set up. But there was no grumbling, no complaining, just a group of people ready to do whatever needed to be done. We set up what was there and the praise team warmed up with just the guitar. My husband and the campus pastor spoke and decided if they did not get word in the next 10 minutes that the truck was started then they would go to plan B. This meant that they would use a very basic sound setup with a portable system, my husband and his guitar and with the pastor preaching his recently penned sermon. As for the kids, well, God bless the teachers! Soon after that though, they got a phone call that the truck had started and they were making the drive that would still take about 30 minutes.

At 10:25 the truck pulled into the parking lot. Our service begins at 11:00! What happened when the truck arrived was pretty incredible. Everyone who was there immediately went into action unloading and setting up. People who usually serve in other areas were pulling carts, setting up the children's rooms, unloading cables and doing whatever needed to be done. One gentleman, who normally vacuums, had already been on his hands and knees to clean the carpet so that we wouldn't have to wait for the rooms to be vacuumed. I never heard someone say "would you please help us." There wasn't a need because everyone participated willingly. It was down to the wire but at 11:00, we were ready to begin! It was unbelievable.

But then again, it was not unbelievable if you know our congregation. I told my husband as we were driving out to the church, not knowing what would happen, that in this kind of event I was so glad to be a part of our congregation because I knew whatever happened would be fine. We have such a great group who are always willing to sacrifice and would not complain about not having a perfect setting. As everyone was rushing around setting up, the children's ministry coordinator and I agreed that we were watching the Church in action, as they are supposed to be. I am so grateful to be able to be a part of a church where the congregation has such amazing attitudes. As we were waiting to see what happened with the truck, I prayed that in whatever happened God would be glorified in it. I have no doubt that he was. Only he could have allowed us to set up in 30 minutes and for the truck to start when it did. Only he could give a group of people the kind of attitudes that would be so willing to serve and work and do whatever it takes, all with cheerfulness. I believe that the attitude of the group brought him honor and the service was one of worship.

What a great morning!

Treasuring and Pondering

2007-12-13T22:16:00.000-06:00

Again, our Bible study with the youth has led to another blog.

Tonight, as part of our study of the Christmas story, we read of the responses of the shepherds, Simeon, Anna and the wisemen as they worshiped Christ. They all recognized the magnitude of His birth and the fulfillment of God's promise. We read multiple passages and looked up the context in the prophecies in the Old Testament but there were two brief sentences in those passages that struck my husband and me.

Luke 2:19- "But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart" and Luke 2:33- "And His father and mother were amazed at the things which were being said about Him." The first verse is included right after the shepherd's visit Jesus, on the night of his birth. The second verse is Joseph and Mary's response while at the Temple where they were presenting Jesus as a baby and Simeon had just proclaimed His as Christ.

What struck us was that even amidst the miraculous surrounding events of his birth, Jesus was still the first son of a young couple. What must Mary have been thinking the night he was born? Beyond the fact that a bunch of men had just come to visit after a huge group of angels had sent them because her baby happened to be the Messiah...she was a young mother who was holding her little boy for the first time. And their first time to take Jesus out in public they were probably just like all proud parents but instead of hearing how cute their little boy was, they were told about how he was to bring salvation to the world.

I can't imagine the emotions that Mary and Joseph felt. In a few months I will be holding my newborn son. My son will not be the promised Messiah, I won't be visited by smelly shepherds or royalty that studied stars and his birth will not be the fulfillment of thousands of years of prophecy and waiting. But he will be our son, given to us by God. After all of the events of his birth, the visitors, the emotions...I know that I too will treasure all of those things and ponder them in my heart.

Such a Time as This

2007-11-29T22:20:00.000-06:00

We lead a Bible study each week for a group of teenagers and are pausing in our study of Romans for a look at the Christmas story. Tonight we studied the first chapter of Luke, including the telling of the future births of John the Baptist and Jesus.

It is very interesting reading the accounts now that I am pregnant. I was particularly struck by what was told to Zechariah about his son, John. Gabriel told him, "Many of the people of Israel will he bring back to the Lord their God. And he will go on before the Lord, in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous—to make ready a people prepared for the Lord." (Luke 1:16-17) That is a pretty high calling for Zechariah's son and I cannot imagine what it would be like to be told that my son would be used by God to lead His people in such a way.

It reminds me of when I listened to a teaching from the Old Testament book of Esther when I was just about six weeks pregnant. Esther was a woman used by God to save her people and one of my favorite verses is what is said to her by her cousin: "And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14b). I remember at that time wondering what my baby's "time such as this" is? Why did God choose to bring my son to this world at this point in history? What is the plan for his life and how will God choose to use him?

I am so excited to see all that God will do in his life. It causes me to pray for him, that he will be obedient and ready to be used by God. It also encourages me to be a mother that guides him to be a godly man. Because who knows but that he has come to position for such a time as this?

What is it all about?

2007-11-28T13:34:00.001-06:00

I am full on in the Christmas spirit! I am listening to Christmas music, making my lists and plans, parking my self in front of A Charlie Brown Christmas last night…it is on full swing! We are decorating our home for Christmas this week and that really sets me in a Christmasy mood. It is always a fun time for us and I enjoy the warmth of our apartment.

We are in a new apartment this year so we are trying to decide new places for all of our decorations. I collect nativity scenes and I am beginning to have quite a few. I was struggling to find the best way to display them because I don't like putting a nativity scene next to something like a Santa Claus or snowman. They just don't fit together and something about it looks incorrect so I don’t. It caused me to think about how that applies to this season. I try to mix the meaning and purpose of Christmas in with all of the other secular things and sometimes it just doesn’t fit together. One always ends up distracting from the other and for me, it is unfortunately the spiritual celebration. I know it will only get harder when I have a child next year so I am now trying to make an effort to not let myself get too distracted.

That is what I love about A Charlie Brown Christmas. Charlie gets so fed up with the commercialism and stress of the season and finally cries out “isn’t there anyone out there who can tell me what Christmas is all about?” Charlie has a faithful friend in Linus who very simply tells him what Christmas is all about. It is such a sweet moment and it causes me to think “oh yeah, that is what it is all about.” I love Christmas and wouldn’t ever want to change all that is involved with it. I just want to make sure in all of it, that I remember that all it is really about is fulfillment of God’s promise to bring salvation to his people. After all, “That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.”

Anticipations

2007-11-26T21:26:00.001-06:00

Today I had another appointment with my doctor to see how our little guy is doing. His heartbeat is my favorite sound in the world. It brings such a mix of emotions: amazement that there are two hearts beating inside of me right now, relief that he is healthy and joy at hearing my little boy. I am more impatient by the day for him to arrive!

Now that we know he is a boy and call him by his name, it is even more fun to dream about life with him. I imagine his personality and am so excited to experience life with him. Anything we do now, my husband and I talk about what it will be like next year when we have him. It is amazing that I have not met him but I absolutely love my son and would easily give up my life for him. It is such a wonderous thing.

Thankful for Thanksgiving

2007-11-09T10:42:00.000-06:00

Where did Thanksgiving go? I feel like our holidays go straight from Halloween to Christmas, forgetting a special event in November. The grocery store is the only place that you see a hint that another holiday besides Christmas is happening in the next few weeks. All of the stores have their fall decorations on clearance by mid October. The holiday newsletter I get through email goes directly from ideas for a Halloween party to Christmas card designs. And the worst, a local radio station began playing 24 hour Christmas music starting in the second week of November.

Do not get me wrong, I LOVE Christmas. I am not even one of those who complain about Christmas decorations being put up in stores in August and I will even stop and look at them. I don't mind starting to think about Christmas plans, gift ideas and crafts in October. But, I don't want all of that to happen at the expense of Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. Why wouldn't it be? The historical purpose of the holiday is to be thankful for how God has blessed us. It is a government endorsed holiday to express gratefulness. It is a time that I get to be with family and have lots of delicious food. Plus, it has what no other holiday can offer, the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade! I am 25 but I still love watching it every year and it is my dream to see it live one day.

I located the first presidential proclamation for Thanksgiving Day and added it below because I thought it was really nice. Happy Thanksgiving!

THANKSGIVING DAY 1789 BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA - A PROCLAMATION Whereas it is the duty of all Nations to acknowledge the providence of almighty God, to obey his will, to be grateful for his benefits, and humbly to implore his protection and favor - and Whereas both Houses of Congress have by their joint Committee requested me "to recommend to the People of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many signal favors of Almighty God, especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness." Now therefore I do recommend and assign Thursday the 26th day of November next to be devoted by the People of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being, who is the beneficent Author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be – That we may then all unite in rendering unto him our sincere and humble thanks – for his kind care and protection of the People of this country previous to their becoming a Nation – for the signal and manifold mercies, and the favorable interpositions of his providence, which we experienced in the course and conclusion of the late war –for the great degree of tranquillity, union, and plenty, which we have since enjoyed – for the peaceable and rational manner in which we have been enabled to establish constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, and particularly the national One now lately instituted, for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed, and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge; and in general for all the great and various favors which he hath been pleased to confer upon us. And also that we may then unite in most humbly offering our prayers and supplications to the great Lord and Ruler of Nations and beseech him to pardon our national and other transgressions – to enable us all, whether in public or private stations, to perform our several and relative duties properly and punctually – to render our national government a blessing to all the People, by constantly being a government of wise, just, and constitutional laws, discreetly and faithfully executed and obeyed – to protect and guide all Sovereigns and Nations (especially such as have shewn kindness unto us) and to bless them with good government, peace, and concord – To promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the increase of science among them and Us – and generally to grant unto all mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as he alone knows to be best. Given under my hand at the City of New York the third day of October in the year of our Lord 1789. GO. WASHINGTON.

A Little Boy!

2007-11-07T09:17:00.000-06:00

We learned last week that we are going to have a son! It was amazing to see him through the sonogram. He has grown so much since the last time we saw him and is absolutely perfect. It was fun to see him moving around, kicking his legs, waving his arms, and (I believe) smiling at us. My husband is certain he was singing! It is fun to daydream of his personality and the joy he will bring to our days.

We heard something on the radio about young men and I told my husband "you have a big job in teaching our little boy." I was teasing at the time but the thought remained with me. I am so grateful that I have a husband who will do such a wonderful job in leading and teaching our son. Not only do I trust his intentions and that it will be a priority to him to be a guide to our son but even more, I know he will be an example of Christian character. I believe that an example has much more lasting impact than words.

My mom told me that having a child will make me love my husband even more. I didn't know that it could start in my pregnancy though. He is so excited about our child and absolutely loves him. His excitement is contagious and makes it clear that he will be an involved daddy. He has been so caring towards me and has been patient and celebrated everything about my pregnancy. I thought about this the other night and was saddened for the families where the father is uninvolved or uninterested. I am so grateful for my husband's excitement and love for our son.

I never thought that I could be as excited as I am about playing with cars and blocks. I am about as girly as they come but I can't wait for the excitement of a little boy in our lives. If he is anything like his daddy, he will bring a lot of joy.

The Beauty of Simplicity

2007-09-25T11:47:00.000-05:00

In the last few days, I have noticed that I have been struck by things of simplicity. Maybe it is because the last few weeks have reminded me of priorities in life and what success is defined by.

I started a book series called the Mitford series. It has been out for a while but I am just now reading the first. My reward for passing my licensure exam was reading a fun, fiction book (I felt guilty reading any other time because I knew I should study instead). I love to read and still get absorbed into a story, even as I did as a child. I chose to begin this series because it is one that was loved by my grandmother, Meme. I am reading her book and I smiled the other day as I turned a page and saw a small coffee stain. She and I shared a love for reading and I just felt like staying in a part of her world for the time. Back to the theme of the blog...

This book (and the series I assume) is about the comings and goings of a lovely, little town where people know and care for one another and you can walk wherever you need to go. I have found myself thinking, "I'd like to live there" and then wonder if I realistically could live in such a slower pace of life.

The second wonderment with simplicity came this morning when I heard my baby's heart beat for the first time. It was such a simple sound but so beautiful to hear the little life, letting me know that he or she is healthy and growing. It was amazing to know that the little thumps I was listening to belonged to my child.

When I first think of simplicity, I think of slow and easy and not too busy. But I think what makes simplicity appealing is actually that there is something meaningful put into it. In the Mitford series, what is desirable about the life of the townspeople is the purpose they carry with them through their day, particularly relationships with others. What was special about the simple sound of a heartbeat is that it is from my baby and it is the first communication she or he has made to me. That is a new priority, to make what I do meaningful and appreciate the simple things that matter.

There is a song I am reminded of that was popular for a few years titled "The Beauty of Simplicity." Some of the lyrics are:
It's the beauty of simplicity
that brings me down to my knees
I'll praise You for eternity
and lord I love You
Because You
You first loved me
And all God's people say:
We, we love You, we love You Lord, we love You
And we, we love You, we love you Lord, we love You
We love You

Again, it is what is meaningful in those words and it is the simplicity of faith. It is not to be hard or busy, but it doesn't mean it won't...rather, it is the powerful, yet simple message that we love Him because He first loved us.

My Meme

2007-09-23T14:27:00.000-05:00

My precious grandmother recently passed away. I was given the opportunity to put her words into paragraph form for her obituary. When it was completed, I felt that it just did not say enough about who she really was. It had the dates of her birth and death, names of family members and things she was involved in...but it didn't say who she really was. So, I am going to use this avenue to tell you about my Meme.

I can write about what others have said: Meme was a fine lady, she was full of grace, kindness and cared about the lives of others. She was busier after she retired than when she worked full time because she volunteered so much. She always sent a kind note, always had a thoughtful word.

But, what I am choosing to write about is what I knew of her as her granddaughter. She was the woman who for my thirteenth birthday, took me to the mall for my first makeover and made me feel so grown up. She would take me out to lunch before a semester of college started, so that just the two of us could spend some time together. She emailed me almost daily when I first left town, keeping me updated about everything from what the rain was doing to the grass at Tabor, to her prayers about different family members. She always stood up for me when I was getting in trouble in junior high, even when I needed to be in trouble. She picked my sister and me up from school so that we could ice cookies and decorate her home for Christmas with her. When I started a Christmas village (because of hers), she took all of the girls in the family to a Christmas village exhibit so that I could see the large collection in town. Growing up, her house was ours to let our imagination run in. It was a beautiful and elegant place, but felt like home. The smell of bacon in the morning still reminds me of waking up at her home. And I know the night before she would have read the Sesame Street book to me and Bearly Bear to my sister for the hundredth time of each. Then she would have scratched our backs as we fell asleep in the room that I always thought was like a princess room. Before I got married, she reminded me that marriage is a commitment that I could not take lightly. She loved my husband and loved how much he and I love each other. She told me of a conversation she had with my sister. My sister said, "Jordan loves being a wife." Meme corrected her and said "Jordan loves being a wife to Brock." She did not try to impress any of us with how much she knew, but it was clear that she was one of the wisest women I have known. She worried about us all, all of the time. She had her post at the window above the driveway, checking on all of us. She modeled how to get along with others, and how to take care of others. She did the right thing because it was the right thing to do, not for expectations or praise. She loved my Pete and took care of him. Her emails, before she was sick, always told me about what they did together and she never said anything but loving words about him. In fact, she only spoke with love about all of her family. She served us and gave her time for us. Meals were a special way for her to have us spend time together and we spent hours at the dining room table, long after the meal was done, telling stories and laughing. Then, my mom and aunt would try to start the dishes and she would repeatedly insist they stop, even though they never listened. I have so many wonderful memories of us all just spending time together, sitting in different rooms in their house. I never once doubted that I was a priority to her. No matter what was going on in her life, I was greeted with a "Hi Honey" in a voice that sounded so happy to see me. Even at her sickest, she wanted me to know that she was going to be okay. She modeled her faith, especially through her disease. She had an unwavering faith in God and strongly believed in prayer. She desired to know more and grow closer to Him and always encouraged me with words of His truth.

This description may not mean much to anyone else reading it, but it is some of the special things she was to me. After all of that, I still do not feel as though I have captured who she was. Proverbs 31:10-31 was one of her favorite Scripture passages. I think it is a good summarization.
"A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children (and grandchildren) arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."

Undeniable Life

2007-08-24T10:36:00.001-05:00

I had a conversation with a young lady about a friend of hers who recently found out she is pregnant. This girl is a teenager and there are many reasons that this pregnancy is not a good thing for her. She is not a Christian and it seems the easiest option in her mind is an abortion.

I asked how far along this girl was. It turns out that she is almost to the day as far along as I am- 8 weeks. Her baby is the same age as mine. I was almost sick when I heard that and it has been bothering me since then.

I have always been opposed to abortion but hearing that this one who will possibly be aborted is the same age as mine has really shaken me. The only difference between my baby and hers is that mine is wanted. The life of my baby is the exact same as the life of hers. They are both about 6 weeks old, have a heart beat, finger, toes, eyes and ears. They both were created by God for a purpose. It is unfathomable to me to think of my baby as anything but a living person with a wonderful future in store. I physically hurt when I think that hers may not get that chance and that she could think of it as anything different than a baby.

Please join me in praying for this girl. I hurt for her because I know she is terrified right now.

Dunking and Dogs

2007-08-19T21:45:00.000-05:00

Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."- Matthew 28:18-20

Tonight was a really special night. I have written numerous times how much I love the church I am a part of and this is one of those stories. Tonight was our first baptism service. We are a Baptist church without a baptistry because we meet in an intermediate school. This past year, at a meeting in a member's home (one that I wrote of), our campus pastor noticed that the wading pool in their beautiful backyard would make a perfect site for baptism. Tonight was the first one and it was an absolutely wonderful time.

Eight people were baptized: 3 children, an older lady who did not want to get baptized in front of a large crowd at the main campus and an entire family that has come since we moved out to the second campus. The father of the family that was baptized had been a Christian for over thirty years and decided that this was something he needed to do and lead his family in. We had 30-40 more people than a normal Sunday morning come out to celebrate this time in these believers' lives. Baptism is not an act required for salvation. Rather, it is an act of obedience after someone becomes a Christian. It is a public declaration of your belief. It was so neat to be with those people and their families as we celebrated their declaration.

After the baptisms we all hung out in the backyard for a few hours having a hotdog cookout, playing football and chatting. It was such a great time of fellowship. Who would have thought that we could have been outside in the middle of August and been comfortable? The weather was perfect though with even a breeze.

It has left me with such an excitement about what God is going to do with the West Campus. Tonight is what the church should be like. There are different roles of the church which include evangelism and service outside of the walls. But there is also a role amongst the members which is to be a family and encourage one another on. What better way to do that than to celebrate our friends' baptisms and then have a fun, relaxing, "family" time together? I am again reminded that I am absolutely blessed to be with this group of people, working together for the kingdom of God.

God is Busy Knitting

2007-08-17T17:05:00.000-05:00

"God is busy knitting." I heard this statement a few years ago when a newly pregnant lady shared her news and I thought it was a sweet phrase based on Psalm 139. I had no idea what it really meant to say that.

I am pregnant! It still feels odd to see those words and know it is about me. I have known for almost 3 weeks and these 3 weeks have been full of every emotion possible. It is actually impossible to put in to coherent statements what it is that I am thinking. I am sure any woman that has ever been pregnant knows exactly what I mean. It is a joy that I cannot describe and sense of responsibility that is enormous.

The overwhelming thought is related to the statement I began this note with. Psalm 139 is a beautiful passage to read as a pregnant woman. It speaks of the precious love that God has for each person, his own creation. Each person has been lovingly designed by God for a purpose…including my baby. Every day my baby grows and develops. Their little heart is already beating, their fingers will develop this next week and major organs are quickly developing and all will be working within a few weeks. I am so grateful that I don’t just have to trust in nature to make all of that happen correctly. Instead, I know that God is tenderly creating my baby. He knows and loves my child and has a purpose for their life.

I have never appreciated the truth about God as creator quite as much as I do now.

Support that Matches Sacrifice

2007-07-07T22:59:00.000-05:00

Back in the spring I watched the Bob Woodruff documentary "To Iraq and Back.” I liked Bob as a news anchor and reporter and was saddened when he was injured so I looked forward to seeing the show. It was a well done documentary with a good perspective of the human side of war.

Bob poignantly ended the show with this line- "No one comes back from war unchanged. The wounded face challenges that will last a lifetime and need support that matches their sacrifice so that they are, in the words of George Washington, appreciated by their nation." Support that matches their sacrifice...that phrase stuck with me.

I have shared with people before that I fear our soldiers currently serving will not be given the same amount of support as troops in the past. I wonder if a young man serving in Iraq today will be able to look back fifty years from today with pride in his service in the same way a WWII vet looks back. I am always amazed at the pride a veteran has when speaking of his service and I hope that a soldier of today will feel that they too can be proud of their work. Will we as a country honor the men and women fighting in the War on Terror in a manner that is due? Or will it be like the soldiers returning to Vietnam who received no parades but jeers instead?

I am not going to pretend to understand the reasons for war or peace and what is right or wrong when it comes to diplomatic relations and the safety of a nation. I do know though that I am grateful for the freedoms I have and for the willing people who will put their life on the line so that I can keep those freedoms. I also know I would be devastated if my husband or a family member was deployed so I am very grateful for the men and women who voluntarily go. How do we as a nation, and I as a citizen tell them this? Its worth a thought.

A Special Showing

2007-07-05T22:03:00.000-05:00

Two years ago, my husband made a wonderful discovery. He found a neighborhood outside of the city that does an amazing fireworks show every 4th of July. They are great fireworks that last a long time and go on all around us. I love fireworks but I am very nervous around anything that could burn me. So, this is the perfect show for me because we can sit in the car and enjoy them. It is like a special show done just for us.

That summer was probably the hardest on us financially. There was not much we could do for fun unless it was free. The only fireworks offered by our city had a cost attached so it was such a treat for him to find those for me. I remember having a great night, one of my favorite memories of our marriage.

This summer is different for us. We are a little more financially secure and could have paid to see fireworks (though I think that is stupid). We wanted to go back to "our fireworks" though. It was a great show again and we had so much fun together. It is definitely one of my favorite activities here. My husband likes fireworks but I know he makes a special effort to go because I like it so much. He spent 20 minutes trying to get me good pictures of the fireworks because I discovered a "firework" setting on my camera. I loved hanging out with him. As we were driving home, I told him that I hoped everyone experiences moments like that. It was a great opportunity to just be still and enjoy something together. It was a simple evening, pulling off in an open area on the side of the road, listening to music while watching the results of families lighting fireworks in their backyards. I don't want that to change with us. I told my husband that we can never let ourselves think we are too busy to do things like that. I love that we enjoy a simple life and are very content with what we do.

Let me encourage you to do something that is fun, just for the sake of having fun. Enjoy something simple, that makes you smile. If you are married, do something together that requires you to be together. Not something that requires too much thinking or activity so that it distracts you, but something that allows you to interact with each other, or with your family. Do not let life get in the way of truly living.

How are you?

2007-06-26T11:19:00.001-05:00

Awhile back, my pastor, who is also my boss, asked me a question that I think is one of the best questions a person can ask. We passed each other in the hallway and he asked "how are you doing?" It was while I was still a student and I said something about it being close to graduation so pretty good. He then asked "how are you really doing?" I think that is a great question for someone to take the time to ask.

There is another person, actually a pastor also, who asked that question. It was about 13 years ago and one of the ministers from her church saw my mom at the hospital. She was visiting her mother who was dying of cancer. He asked that common question we always ask "how are you doing?" to which she replied with an something like "okay" or "fine." He had the kindness to say "are you sure you're okay?" knowing full well that a person whose mother is dying is usually not "fine." That pastor ended up being a great comfort to my family through that time and his kindness at that moment meant enough to my mother for her to recall that event to me.

In our counseling program at school, we are reminded of the verse in James 1:18- "Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger." In fact, a professor using that verse was how my practicum program started. It is a verse that I have committed to memory as a counselor but also for my personal life. I'm not very good at it. But, its a goal worth working towards!

How different would our relationships be if when we say "hi, how are you doing" we were intentionally wanting to know how that person is and what they might be struggling with and are willing to listen to that. Even in our families and close relationships, conversations are often more superficial, rather than getting to the real issues that might be happening. I think it is because our culture has lost the ability to really listen. It is the common notion that to help someone is to give advice, instead of just being a listening ear and offering a shoulder.

My pastor had been a student and had a good sense of what I was going through. I wore that stress on my face. He could have left it with me saying an easy answer of "pretty good" but instead he took a few minutes to hear how I really was. I already respected and liked him a great deal, but that day he became a friend.

Here I am!

2007-05-30T10:47:00.000-05:00

It has been over two months since I last wrote but I am coming back! Stay tuned for future posts...

Turning Off the Television

2007-04-18T22:03:00.000-05:00

I am in shock. How irresponsible and flat stupid are people? A madman took 31 innocent lives and now he is being made infamous. The media is actually showing the disturbing manifesto he left behind. He mailed it to NBC in between two shooting sprees. How much more of a clear message did he need to send that he wanted attention for this act? He is ranting his "message" to the world, giving him the voice he did not feel that he had while he was alive. WHY ELSE WOULD HE HAVE MAILED IT TO A MEDIA CENTER??? He knew the media moguls would feed into society's desire for sensational news. He knew that he would have the opportunity to get the attention he apparently desparately wanted. He is getting to share his message and took 31 lives for this opportunity. And the American culture fell right into his plan.

The most upsetting- on many news websites, they are displaying a picture of the killer aiming a gun at the camera. It shocked and disturbed me but I absolutely cannot imagine the reaction of the victim's loved ones who see that picture. The mother who just lost her child will be faced with the last image that her child saw before they were killed. Those pictures are absolutely immoral and irresponsible.

My husband is of the thought that he and other killers should never have their name released to the world. I'm beginning to completely agree with that. The media and public are not responsible enough to not immortalize him.

I am writing emails and comments to many news outlets voicing my opinion. I know my little voice will not mean much but it is important to me to at least tell someone at those studios of my opinion.

Reality of Sin

2007-04-17T21:35:00.000-05:00

I, like the rest of America, have been shaken by the horrific events at Virginia Tech. There are so many emotions that arise from watching the news coverage.

The stories coming out about the people who died are hard to listen to. The pictures and bios make the "32 died" a much more devastating reality. I keep thinking of my little sister at her college campus. I think of the young girls her age whose lives were shockingly ended. I ache for their family and loved ones. I hurt for the students who will have images in their minds that will never cease.

As with most people, I am brought back to other events in my life that seemed to just stop time and shake my reality. The first event I remember was the Branch Davidian standoff and fire. I was young but I remember that event being the first to make me sit down in shock when I turned on the television and saw the events unfold. The first event that I remember really understanding that an evil and horrible act had been done was the Oklahoma City bombing. I can remember exactly where I was when I learned of these and other tragedies. I was sitting on my parents bed watching the fiery devastation of the Branch Davidian complex. I was in the kitchen when I heard of the bonfire falling and killing students at the college town I grew up in. I was sitting in a Saw You at the Pole rally in my own town when I learned of a deadly shooting spree at another city's rally. I was driving my little sister to school when I heard about the first plane crashing in the World Trade Center and on my shortcut road to my college campus when I learned of the second plane and the likelihood that it was terrorist attack. I especially remember the fear I felt as a student when Columbine and many other school shootings happened when I was a high school student. Each event has the same memory a sinking feeling in my stomach and the thought of "this is not okay- how does this happen?

I think that is a question that all of us ask in some way. I know I do. I think we want to know why or how these devastating events, caused by other humans, for many reasons. There is a natural curiosity. There is a desire and need to make sense of the incomprehensible.

My Christian psychology professor addressed this today during our prayer time. He said something to the effect of "psychology can offer explanations as to how a person could do this but psychology can only address the processes." Science, psychology, criminology and religiosity cannot answer why. CNN, NBC and Charles Gibson cannot answer why. The real issue is that there is sin in this world and it is pervasive. Paul in the New Testament writes of groans coming from not only Christians but creation as well, as we wait for the realized completion of salvation when we live in God's kingdom. Christ has already been victorious over death but believers still live on an earth where evil pervades and sin is still rampant. This most recent event is a clear reminder of that reality. It is a result of the worst of human nature and the sin that exists.

Even living amongst this sin and fear, Christians are able to find comfort. One of my favorite verses is Isaiah 43:2-3: When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. We are not promised to be spared from the rushing rivers or the fire...but because of who God is we will not be overcome by any of it.

This is my prayer for the families, friends, students...I can't begin to comprehend the pain they are experiencing. But I pray that even in the worst moments of their life they will be able to trust in the God who will not let us be overcome by the sin of this world.

A New Song

2007-04-10T23:38:00.000-05:00

Our Easter service was a really wonderful time of celebration. Everything about the service was great and I was really proud of my husband. He is definitely doing what God created him to do. We spent the morning singing praises and songs of celebration for the life that we can have because of the life of Christ and were challenged and humbled when thinking of what His life meant and what our lives should be in response.

One of the songs we sang was a hymn called "Jesus Paid it All." It is the words of the traditional hymn but we rock it up a little bit and it is a blast to play on the piano. I like the song but it has a special place in my heart for more than it being fun to play.

The song begins I hear the Savior say, "Thy strength indeed is small; Child of weakness, watch and pray, find in Me thine all in all." A few weeks we were practicing this song for the first time and it was during the point of the semester that I was just tired, stressed and really unhappy. That first verse struck me and brought tears to my eyes. Those words perfectly described the absolute weariness that I felt but they were so freeing at the same time. That moment was the start of a change in my heart, outlook, mood...whatever it was, I was changing. I began praying for God's peace in a different way. I had to remember that I am a child of weakness. I had been trying so hard to rely on my own strength and knowledge and that just wasn't going very well.

Again back to Easter morning...we had not played this song in a few weeks and we were rehearsing it on Sunday morning. Again, tears came to my eyes when we sang that first verse. This time it was tears of great appreciation for God's unending faithfulness and the sweet peace He has provided since that night. I remembered that night of practice where I just felt miserable and I am so grateful that He has given me a "new song."

The hymn is actually speaking of the power of God in bringing salvation. We as sinners could not achieve salvation on our own but are given the opportunity of eternal life through the power and sacrifice of God. I understand my weakness as a human and my utter reliance on God for my salvation, I just sometimes forget that I need to rely on Him in this life. It is so strange to me that I can trust Him to be true when it comes to my entire life and salvation but yet I don't think about trying to trust Him to take care of something as simple as a busy semester.

It took me awhile but I am grateful that I finally got the fact that I am weak but I really can find my Lord to be my all in all. What a sweet peace that is.

A Real Church Family

2007-03-28T19:22:00.000-06:00

I noticed that most of my posts have been pretty downcast so I thought I might shake things up and have a positive post instead!

Last night I went to a leadership meeting for the church where my husband is a worship pastor. I laughed so hard, got lots of encouragement, enjoyed sharing a meal and just enjoyed being with friends. These are wonderful leaders and I actually love being in meetings with them!

I love this church. It is a 2nd campus of a larger church. With the design of the church, it requires a lot of team work and there is a real emphasis on building relationships. I truly love going to church every week and getting to see my church family. I have heard nightmare stories of being a minister's wife but I have yet to experience it and in fact have experienced the exact opposite.

There is a real sense of unity and excitement for God's work. I am grateful that we get to be a part of a church with such wonderful people. I never go a Sunday without many people asking how my week was, how classes are, how many days until graduation and telling me that they are praying for me often. They have invested in our lives and we are surrounded by encouragers.

My husband and I were both raised in church and both of us can remember adults in the church who were special people in our lives. I am so grateful that when we have kids, there are so many wonderful adults that will love on our kids and model to them what it is to live like a Christian man or woman.

So this was not a very profound post but it is something that I am very happy and thankful about. Maybe when classes end I will get a little more thought provoking!

Bluebonnets!

2007-03-25T23:42:00.000-06:00

Seeing the bluebonnets for the first time in the season is one of my favorite moments of spring. Sunday morning I got to see them for the first time on my way to church! I was so excited and told my husband "When He had them bloom this week, God knew it would make me smile today." We didn't drive that direction to church last year at this time so it was a fun surprise to see the bluebonnets.

Apparently our pastor likes them too. He taught out of Matthew 6:24-34, that darn passage that gets me every time. When he taught on verses 28-29 ("And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these."), he substituted bluebonnets in for the lilies when he was explaining the meaning.

As I already said, that entire passage on worry just gets me because I am a control freak. I think I have moved past the worry for job, security, etc. for the most part. Sure I have moments of panic but God has only proven himself faithful in our lives so I have found myself able to rest in that. It is the literal "tomorrow" that I am worrying about. I have 6 weeks left of class work. That is so short when I really think about it! But, I am so anxious for the end to be here that I am struggling with the present. I have pretty much been in a foul and distracted mood for the last 2 months and am not getting out of it. Now I am on a lot of medication to get rid of a lingering cough and that is giving me a permanent state of grogginess. So, I am not being good at being content in the situation I am in at the moment. My poor husband is trying to do everything in the world to make me smile but I finally said last night that I don't think its going to happen until after graduation because I am struggling with all that I have to do and I am worried about getting it done. Then we had the sermon the next morning...I greatly admire my husband's restraint for not elbowing me the entire sermon!

So, I have really tried hard today to be more positive. It helps that I forgot to take my medication! But really, I am trying to take the moments that are important, like jumping in my husband's lap just to have him hug me, even though I really needed to be focusing on my upcoming test. More than that though I have to remember that as much as I love the bluebonnets, the God who created them also created me and as he provides for them he provides so much more for me. So tomorrow will come and I still have things I don't want to do anymore but I am going to try to smile a little more.

I might just need to drive west on I-20 and look at the bluebonnets again!

My Own Personal Superhero

2007-03-02T14:57:00.000-06:00

Superman has nothing on my husband! He saved me a number of times this week, including spending hours working with me to edit a paper after he had already had a long day.

It is interesting...the paper that I have been researching for and writing is an interpretation of Ephesians 5:25-33. It reads Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

My husband was a good example to me this week of the husband Paul is describing.

A Mother's Wisdom

2007-03-01T16:36:00.000-06:00

You will need to read the blog from February 28 to understand this...

My mom sent me a perfect email today that made me laugh. She wrote "To quote the book 'My mom says some days are like that. Even in Australia.'" Leave it to my mother (she is a school teacher and most likely the reason I know about Alexander) to be a voice of reason and sweetly remind me of the message of the book, and really the message of life. I hope I am as smart and wise as she is one day.

My pity party is almost over. I have completed another paper and that is a great relief. I still feel significantly less intelligent than I did two days ago but I will get over it. I have to remember my professor's prayer (that he said ironically right before he handed out one of the exams that contributed to my mood) "Lord help these students to remember that their worth is not found in a grade, but in You."

Jordan and Alexander

2007-02-28T15:48:00.000-06:00

I feel a bit like Alexander today. Except mine would read Jordan and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Semester. Today in particular, I felt like moving to Australia.

72 days until graduation.

My Thoughts on Valentine's Day

2007-02-15T22:51:00.000-06:00

I hate Valentine's Day. I told my friend that and she laughed and asked how that could be since I am married. I don't know why, but I never seem to like Valentine's Day.

Maybe it would be different if school hadn't interfered with the celebration of the holiday for the umpteenth year. I didn't always hate the holiday and I still like all of the decorations and hearts and cards. I still like to go out, even if it has to wait until after a test is over. So maybe one day I will appreciate it again.

I think a big reason that I don't like Valentine's Day is because I don't need it. That same friend I mentioned above said that she used to resent the holiday (she is single) when all of her coworkers got flowers until she realized that the husbands who sent those flowers were jerks the rest of the year. You see, I have a husband who is kind and thoughtful every day of the year so I do not need his obedience to one designation on the calender for me to believe that he loves me.

I have had many reminders lately that I am very blessed to be married to my husband. He is absolutely my best friend and can brighten my day. His character has withstood a lot and it has made him a wonderful husband. I love how he makes me laugh and makes me stop and enjoy life. I love how he tells me that I am more than capable of PhD work and when he tells me how proud he is of me with my counseling and school work. I love it when he listens to me ramble on about the latest thing I have learned or have thought about, and how he asks me for and values my opinion. I love how he makes me stop and hug him when I think I am too busy. I love how patient he is with me. I love how he makes the kitchen too crowded because he wants to help cook. I love to hear him sing, see him smile, watch him in ministry and see him act in a way that only I get to share. Most of all I love that he is seeking after God fervantly and his life and character reflect that. I know without a doubt that he loves me and values me.

So there is my valentine...on February 15. I can feel like I am rebelling against the holiday but I guess I am a sucker after all. Maybe the holiday isn't so bad because I can think of it as a day that celebrates a year's worth of love shown. I might even wear red next year.

Starbucks Surprise

2007-02-06T20:42:00.000-06:00

Today, when I checked my box at work, I found a Starbucks giftcard in an envelope with my name on it. I don't know who gave it to me or why. I love little surprises like that and it is amazing how a little gesture like that can make me feel. I wish I could thank that person, and let them know how much it meant to me. I don't think they could have known what the gesture did for me but I think they listened and responded to God.

I look at this as one of the "smiles" that God gives me that I referred to in a previous post. I love it when God encourages me like this. It was already a long day with a long night to come. The night will still be long but at least I get to enjoy a Caramel Apple Cider while I am writing a New Testament paper! Even more so, I get to enjoy the warmth of knowing my God loves me as His child and does things to remind me of that.

They will know we are Christians by our...love?

2007-01-28T20:06:00.000-06:00

Philippians 2:1-5: If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus...

If you have heard my opinion on the subject matter, you know that disunity in the church is a something that really angers me. There can be differences of opinion and it is okay to call someone out on mistakes that are made but the church is still supposed to be unified, period. it isn't easy, notice in the above passages that Paul had to write "if any" often. I think he was making a plea because it is hard...but it is still necessary. The Bible is clear in multiple places that the Church is to be unified. Here is why...the Church (universal body of believers, represented by the local church also) represents Christ and represents His love. We are supposed to stand out and be different, in a positive way. When the Church (and church) cannot get along with each other, what does that look like to nonbelievers? Not good, that is why we must show one another love...not because we agree with each other always, but because we are to represent lives changed by Christ who are willing to show forgiveness because He gave us forgiveness. Obviously, this does not happen. I am married to a minister, who is a son of a minister, I have gone to church for my entire life and I go to a school that trains for ministry...I see it enough that it has become a sore spot for me. So please allow me to step on my soapbox for a moment.

My school has once again made it into the newspapers. The administration has done something (along with many other somethings) that they should be "called to the carpet" on. I am not addressing that here but I do agree that there is a serious problem (among others) that must be addressed. My irritation and the purpose of my soapbox is with the people who went to the papers with the story. I do not know all of the avenues they took before leaking the story but I do know that one of those people has an "axe to grind" with the school and has not been responsible with his concerns in the past. I cannot believe that the leak to the media was a last resort for a great burden he felt. I read his blogs every once in a while and he shows a lot of immaturity in his dislike of the administration, therefore losing credibility. The Bible explains how a Christian is to address another Christian caught in sin. It NEVER says to include nonbelievers and talk badly about people who represent the Church in front of them. Why? It is as I said earlier, because it misrepresents Christ. This administration does not represent all of the people that attend that school, the denomination or Christians in general but a nonbeliever may very well not know that. My degree is marred, partly by the acts of the administration who represent my school but also by these men who have now spilled this dirty laundry to people who did not need that information. A person reading the story more than likely will never be in position that they needed that information about the school. But, that person could end up in my counseling office or a student's future church and find out what school we graduated from. That information about one administration's mistake may be all they know about the school and therefore what they will assume about me or that pastor. These people have hurt the students of this school more than helped because of the manner in which they chose to address the problem.

I have no patience for people who spread negative stories in the church just to do it. I have no patience for the churches that make mistakes that make it to the news. I have no patience for people who put their own selfish agenda over the mission of the Church (not just their local church). I have no patience for the church at the corner of a busy street near by who puts negative messages about types of church services on their signboard. I have no patience for the leaders that put themselves in positions that cause problems in the church. If you have a problem with your Christian institution, confront the person that is the cause of the problem and take the steps outlined in Matthew. If it can't be done civilly then just leave the church, find a new one and don't talk badly about your old one. It is not to let people get away with doing wrong (that is why I said to confront the person) but it is to prevent harm to the spread of the Gospel. God is clear in his Word that he will take care of those who have done wrong, especially those in leadership. Let Him do his job and we just need to do ours. Its pretty simple, just get along because we are all in this life together and are given the same mission. It would be a lot easier to run this race if we weren't so busy tripping each other.

I will now step off my soapbox.

A "Rent"ed Life

2007-01-20T11:17:00.000-06:00

I recently watched the movie based on the musical Rent. The basic premise of the movie and musical is a year in the lives of young adults living in the poverty stricken Alphabet City in New York City. Struggles and choices common to that area are reflected in the characters including living with HIV and AIDS, homelessness, homosexuality, drug use and abuse, promiscuity, interpersonal struggles and many others.

There were parts of the movie that were offensive to me but I knew they would be there. In a society where we are inundated with immorality, it can be easy to become callous to what should be offensive. Sometimes it is a relief to know that I can still be offended. That is beside the point though.

The movie's soundtrack and talent is wonderful. For that, it was a good movie and what I had been told by others that made me want to see the movie. I can appreciate creativity done well, even if it is not my style. As a person who is interested in the emotions of people, it was interesting and thought provoking to view the experiences of people who know they will soon die a painful and early death because of a virus they have contracted (regardless of the reasons it was contracted, that is a heart breaking existence).

Additionally I am glad I saw the movie because I like viewing things that make me think afterwards. My husband nicely tolerates my "what are your thoughts about this and that" questions afterwards. This was a movie that opened up many questions and thoughts for which I will, after this long introduction, write my thoughts on.

One of the more popular songs from the movie has the lines "There's only us, There's only this, Forget regret, Or life is yours to miss, No other road, No other way, No day but today... There is no future, There is no past, Thank God this moment's not the last..." This line is the basic attitude of the movie. Most of these people will die in the next few years and their current existence does not have much to offer. Therefore, all they have is right now and they will make the best of what they have because they have "love".

My husband and I talked about this afterwards and what we thought the message was that the writer of the story was trying to show. At face value, it appears to be what I just wrote, that you have to live for the moment. What was the attitude though about this reality for these people? I did not think, as liberal as the writing was, that the writer was trying to say that it was positive, or even was okay, that this was their existence, it just...was. Rather, it was quite tragic (and I don't think the writer tried to dispel this) that they just had to deal with their current state because they thought had no other way out.

How many people live like this in our world? As we continued to discuss our thoughts on the movie, we agreed that the writer did not give a solution to how the characters lives could be any different. This was probably because he himself did not know the solution. Notice the emphasis on "the".

What a tragedy to see young people who cannot look to their lives with any meaning besides what is happening now. It is because they really have no hope in the (or for a) future. I do not pretend to know what it is to live in poverty or with a deadly disease. I do know though that regardless of my situations, I can rest in knowing that I can at least hope for my future and never have to settle for "what is". Paul writes in Philippians 1:21 that "to live is Christ and to die is gain". This is a man who had suffered in this world through severe beatings, imprisonment, persecution...and even when that was not going on he lived as a man on the run without a home or comfortable existence. Yet, this man knew how to live in life and not just deal with the circumstances. In his hard life, he celebrated because he was suffering for Christ. He could also look forward to the future because that held a life of eternal joy in heaven.

That is how a young person living in poverty, diseased and alone can live a life that is more than for today. That is the solution. A knowledge that this existence, regardless of current circumstances, is one that is for Christ and that there is a wonderful hope for the future is how a person does it.

The movie is both good and bad. I will not recommend someone to see it because it is full of immorality and I cannot put my stamp of approval on it for those reasons. Personally though, I think the lessons learned within it made it a movie that I benefited from watching. I have a visual reminder of how blessed I am that I get to live today for eternity. My life is not one that is temporary, or rented. Rather my life is securely owned by God for permanent residence with Him.

A Big Role

2007-01-17T22:15:00.000-06:00

I recently attended a youth retreat. I'm not even sure how many of these I have been to now in the last few years. In many ways it was the same as the others...but in other ways it was one of the better experiences in my life.

This was largely to do with all of the opportunities to get to do what I love to do in life. I got to speak, teach a small group, play the piano for worship with my husband and spend time with some great young women as they needed me. All of those things (maybe besides the piano part...though that even counts because I was helping my husband with what he is called to do) are areas that I know God gifted me in and it is just fun to get to do what I was created to do. Sometimes it is hard and I think to myself that it would be a lot easier to be a secretary instead of a counselor. But it is so rewarding and God always has carried me through even when it hurts. I was emotionally worn out from this retreat but what a cool time. I might write later on my thoughts on what I spoke on.

The standout from this weekend came when I had a teenager ask me to be her "big sister in Christ." She is a sweet girl that I have known for a few years and honored me with her trust this past weekend. As I have thought on it more it has reminded me of my "big sisters" in the past. I can remember them from as young as being in sixth grade and they have continued. Remembering them has humbled me that I am now in that position but on an even deeper level now because of the time spent with this girl. I thought those older girls were so wise and almost perfect. How then do I fit into that role? If anything, it has made me spend more time praying for that young girl. It has also made me desire to still have that big sister. A problem with seminary is falling into a belief that I have a lot of knowledge...and I do compared to a lot of people at church merely because I have studied many books and sat through numerous lectures. But, what I lack is wisdom and that is far more important than knowledge. As I have thought on it, I am going to begin to look for an older woman who can be that role for me.

Snow Day!

2007-01-17T12:28:00.000-06:00

What a wonderful thing to wake up to an unexpected snow day! All of the places that could require us to be somewhere today are closed and Mrs. Tea is brewing...this is a good day!

Reaction to the News

2006-12-30T01:05:00.000-06:00

"Death of a Dictator" "Hussein Hanged" "Death at Dawn for Saddam Hussein"

These are the headlines now flooding websites, television and tomorrow's newspapers. It is a day that has been long waited for by millions with many wondering if it would ever happen.

I am conflicted. I have been hearing about the impending execution for the last few days and then began hearing that the execution would occur within days or even hours. I told God I did not know how to pray for this. Now that the execution is completed, my one prayer is for safety and prevention of the possible backlash.

Here is my conflict. On one hand, I still remember the Sunday morning that I was getting ready for church and seeing on the news that they had caught him. After his disturbing trial, I was thrilled when Hussein was declared guilty and his death and end of his ugly reign would be soon. What he did or allowed to be done was nothing less than evil and sickening. He deserved nothing less than execution and honestly deserved a lot more.

But then there is the other hand. As much as I agree with his execution, I am trying to figure out my response as a Christian. Should I, and other believers, respond with happiness that a man went to his death without knowing the true God? Should I be happy that he is gone, knowing that he will spend an eternity in hell? Some would say yes because he tortured so many people and thus should be tortured in hell. I don't think that is right though, because the agony of hell and an eternal separation from God is beyond our understanding and I do not believe that should be wished on someone regardless of who they are. So, would I be content with the execution had Saddam become a Christian in his last days? I don't know. I do know though that I do not deserve eternity with God any more than he does. Our difference is that my sins have been forgiven because I have chosen to believe in the salvation offered by Jesus Christ. My life as a Christian is to be about making God known and I should not be content with anyone not knowing Him because God is not.

But, then again God allowed others to die so that more may live and the Bible is clear about the correctness of punishment, including death sentences,. This is what leads me to be satisfied with the execution of a dictator who caused terror and distruction for decades. I'm still not content with the death of a person who never chose to have a relationship with God though and I think that is okay, regardless of who the person is.

My husband says one of his favorite things about me is my compassion. It is what he (an I) believes makes me a good counselor. Maybe that is why I have a sadness for Saddam Hussein. Do not misunderstand me. He made his own horrible choices and I do not "feel sorry" for him or think that he was given a bad deal. I guess I wonder about what could have been and if he had to end up this way.

He was raised in poverty by a suicidal, widowed mother and an abusive stepfather who started him on a life of crime at an early age. His first real acceptance as a young man unfortunately came by a violent group who drew him into a further evil life. As I heard about his history the first thought that came in my mind was "he could be one of my clients". What if his stepfather had been a loving man who instead of ordering him to steal, taught him what it was to be a man of character. Or instead of meeting up with a violent and evil group, he had met up with a group of missionaries. Again, I am not justifying his actions...just wondering if it could have been different.

So there is the conflict. I remember struggling with this and praying through it when Timothy McVeigh was executed. The Oklahoma City bombing is one of the first life changing news events that happened in my life and I remember that pain as a young person dealing with that evil. I still don't have a good answer for that time and I don't for this one. After writing it out, I think I might be even further from a good answer.

But, I am beginning to figure out what my external reaction should be. I need to do what I can to be that person who makes a difference. Timothy McVeigh and Saddam Hussein did not respond to positive people in their life and the results of their choices are obvious. But, every person I encounter may be that person who is at a crossroad in their life. What will I do to determine which path they take?

Maybe that is what mental conflicts are about. There are some answers that may not be clear but the conflicts cause thoughts to follow about my actions and my part in this world.

Thoughts on the New Year

2006-12-29T14:45:00.000-06:00

I will not be around a computer on New Year's Eve or Day so I'll do a New Year's post early.

I was thinking earlier about my reaction to the new year this year as opposed to last year. At the end of last year, I was just emotionally tired to sum it up. I was looking forward to the new year with anticipation for an emotional break after a trying semester. I was finally able to leave a job that had worn on me for 6 months, there were some scary health problems with family, school had been rough, I had a packed schedule and little time with my husband and I had just become a counselor for the first time and realized how terrible this world can be.

This year is different. I am looking forward to the year to come instead of being grateful that the year is over. I wondered why it is so different though. This year has been emotionally trying too, or at least had the potential to be. So why have I been different in 2006 from 2005?

I think it is because of what God has shown me in the last year. I am not sure how He taught me but I know it is not things I could have come up on my own.

Jordan's Lessons from 2006

God is faithful and His faithfulness does not need to be according to my time table to work. There have been plenty of examples that, now looking back, make me smile. My job, my internship and hour requirement, my husband's job(s) now and future...all were things I had to (or have to) wait on but God was faithful in all. I still don't sit by easily but at least now I know that I should.
Joy is different than happiness- Happiness is circumstantial whereas joy is in all times and circumstances and is of God. See the post from Dec. 28 and that explains it a little more.
Acting positive can eventually lead into actually being positive. In the spring I heard a speaker talking to youth workers in the church. He reminded us that our attitudes teach the youth more than our lessons do. So, on Sunday mornings I began making an effort to respond to "how are you doing?" with "great, (reason inserted)" rather than "tired" or "hard week." Additionally, I found myself being around a few people who had pretty negative dispositions and complained a lot. Around some of them, I tried to be positive just to spite them and others I wanted to be an example of not complaining. It also made me aware of how much I did complain. Through consciously making these changes, I realized that my attitude was changing when I was not trying. I now try and look toward the brighter side first, which is a good change. I think Christians of all people should represent the joy of the Lord. If not, what makes us different than anyone else in appearance.
God cares for His children and I think likes to bless us as a parent does His child. There were a lot of times this year where "out of the blue" a surprise happened and the only response could be to thank God. Extra scholarships, special friends, schedule and responsibility changes, husband's promotion, randomly paid for dinner...they were all things we needed but didn't know it and they just made me smile. I think God likes to make us smile. I wonder if He waits excitedly for us to "open the box" and see the surprise. That is the epitome of a relational God.

I have 2007 to look towards with excitement. No clue what it will bring but I can reread lesson #1 and know that God will take care of us, look at #2 and know that no matter what the year brings that I can still be full of joy, see #3 and know my attitude should reflect that joy and remember #4 and look forward to the smiles shared between God and me.

Happy New Year!

Getting "Rest"

2006-12-28T14:24:00.000-06:00

I am amazed at the change that can be made to my attitude in a very short amount of time. Granted, significant life changes happened in that short time but still...

It was two weeks ago that I was finishing my most time consuming and brain aching semester. Then came the busy preparation for Christmas, dinner guests, work, completing an internship and then traveling for Christmas. I never really felt as though I slowed (or could slow) down since last June. But, here it is December 28 and I feel that I do not have a care in the world and life is going at a leisurely pace. How quickly things change! I am amazed at how I can so quickly from being in what I call "go mode" to well, not. We had a wonderful and (once we stayed in one town for 24 hours) relaxing Christmas with good time with family. And now back home we have nothing to do in the evenings, which is a strange phenomenon. This is not normal life but I am thoroughly enjoying it! I am viewing it as a rest after a long semester and rejuvenation in preparation for my hardest semester to come. I have a sense of peace and joy that is reflected in my attitude, outlook and how I spend my time. I am probably a much nicer person right now and am enjoying getting things done rather than feeling burdened.

Yes my circumstances are different right now but should my circumstances determine my attitude? One of my favorite verses is Matthew 11:28-30: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." According to the verse, it is not the circumstances that should bring me rest, rather it is the Lord. This means that I should have the same sense of peace now, as I have time to do what needs to be done and relax, as I will next semester when I am taking 15 hours and trying to graduate. That is not how it normally is for me! But, that is the promise of God who is faithful in all things. Regardless what may come into life, from something as simple as a hard class to something catastrophic, He promises in His Word a rest in Him. Circumstances will change but the Lord is faithful and though life may not be easy from the world's perspective, He can allow for a peace that is unexplainable.

So next semester when you talk to me and I am complaining about the busyness of life...ask me why I am not rested.

Jumping on the BlogWagon

2006-12-28T13:26:00.000-06:00

I enjoy reading the blogs of others so I thought I would start one of my own. As if I don't share my thoughts enough...now I have a place to post them!